Craving Them

A Different Night

Getting home, I fall onto the bed. It is Sunday tomorrow. I don't know if I want to go to work Monday. I also can't afford to quit. I don't have the files I need from work either, and while I have the key for work, I'm not sure if I should go or not. I find myself once again falling asleep. 

Waking nothing seems better. I feel hate for myself, hate for both Wayne and Elise for cheating on each other. Hate for everything right now. But, speaking to Elise, I now know why he kissed me. I was her! I was the woman he had always wanted and lost. 

She told me why they would sleep together at the start, and it was her fierce attitude and the fact she stood up to him, called him out on his s**t. She would shout back at him. That changed, though, and she admitted last night that because of the stress he faces at work, she doesn't anymore because she is fearful it will cause him more stress.

I spend an hour just in bed considering everything, and I know I need my job. I know I need to go in and get the files to do the work. Getting dressed, I leave and drive to work, unsure of what faces me tomorrow. I had expected Elise to call and scream when she found out why he messed up. When she found out it was me. She hasn't, though? 

Walking to the building, I unlock the door and go upstairs. Grabbing the files, I sit at my desk and decide to do it here. I have nothing else to do. An hour passes as I do it and begin faxing it all over again. Sure, it is late, but it is done.

"I wasn't expecting to see you again." 

I look up, hearing Wayne's voice. "I debated it." I stay standing by the fax machine, willing it to go quicker. I am glad in some ways that Elsie calls his mobile and not office, she told me last night. She stopped calling the office because she hated taking up his time when he was busy if it wasn't important. Using his mobile means he can call her back when he has time.

I feel my anger rise. Turning, I look at him. I am waiting to see if he mentions it. Mentions the fact he is married or is he really going to be a jerk and just act like he isn't? Finishing faxing the items, I look at him, and he still stands there. Finally, giving in, I turn away.

"I'm sorry." 

I turn and look back at him, shocked. Did he apologise? 

"There are things you don't know, Elise. I wasn't that cold towards you after because of who you are, not entirely anyway. But, look, I will say it, and you have a right to go and walk out. If you do, I will pay you a three-month advance for all this mess. if you decide to scream it to everyone, then I will let you." 

I look at him, and he is going to tell me he is married. What do I do when he does?

"The reason I was so cold towards you was partly because of who you are, the world you come from. Mostly though, it was because I hated myself. After all, I am married and had just cheated after six years of being faithful." 

I stand staring at him, and he is honest. I can see he never cheated before, and he hates himself for it. 

"Does she know?" I look at him, wondering if he has told her.

"No. I planned to last night, this morning, whatever. I planned to tell her everything. I started to. I told her how I f****d up and sacked Daniel, forced an employer to take a position by threatening to sack them if they didn't. She shouted at me."

I stare at him. Elise shouted at him? 

"She hasn't raised her voice in over four years. I would scream and rant, hell even throw things to try to get a reaction, and she would try to soothe me. I f*****g hated it! I hated that she would do what everyone else does and try to soothe me before she would stand up and shout at me, and that was why I fell in love with her. I still love her, but she stopped that. Instead, she tried soothing me, which I hate." 

I watch as he sits down, his head shaking.

"I f****d up. She finally came back to me, and soon she will walk when she realises I cheated. I don't know what snapped inside her, but whatever it was, I am glad for it. Whatever had happened made her remember who she was, and it brought her back, but I am just going to lose her as quickly." 

"I want to call you names, Wayne, but I can't. I want to scream, but I can't." How can I?

"I changed, even she said it. This morning when I got home, it was like all those years ago. Why did it take this for that to happen? You have worked here for two years, and never has it happened. The thing that brought me back even slightly that she craved is the thing that will ruin our marriage." 

"I don't get what you're saying, Wayne?" I don't.

"I am saying that the event, the whole time, all I wanted was Elise. All I wanted was her on my arm, not that damn escort I was paying. All I wanted was to sit and drink with her, laugh and dance. Somehow you standing up and screaming at me, me f*****g you made me realise that. So, I did just that. I went home at four in the morning, we got dressed and went out. It was like before. I dropped her off and then came here." 

Did I help? How the f**k does that work out? I want to laugh and tell him that his wife stood up to him because she felt free like she used to because I was there, laughing with her, f*****g her! But, God, I feel like a bigger jerk than him right now.

"I tried telling her. She didn't want to know. She said to keep whatever I had done that was so wrong to myself because it was helping our marriage. I told her if she knew, she wouldn't be saying that. She said she didn't care. If it was helping, then I should do it." 

I stare at him. She knows. How can she not know? "What did you say?" I stare at him.

"The same back. Although I told her I didn't care who it was or why that bit of freedom from this world helped us both. I wanted to be angry when I saw the scratch, but then I felt like a bigger arsehole because I had f****d you before she had cheated." 

"Are you sure she cheated?" 

He laughs slightly, nodding, although the laugh isn't at my question, more at something else. "A woman, she was acting weird, and I couldn't figure out why. First, she took too long to open the door. So, I just put it down to I had woken her up and offered to whisk her away for a few hours for fun. Then carrying her drunk ass into the house and putting her in bed, I found a bra, which isn't hers. That combined with the scratch on her back is obvious."

Maybe I should just tell him, tell them? Sure, them both cheating and f*****g me helped, but I feel awful. They both know they cheated and are acting like it is okay. They are telling each other to carry on because it brought them back. Do they not realise they can bring themselves back? 

"Look, Wayne." 

He holds up his hand, stopping me from talking. "I know I was a jerk. So, this is my apology, and you don't have to be my PA, Melinda. I won't fire you. Elise made it clear my view on having a woman as a PA is f****d up." He steps towards me, his hand going to grasp mine. Stepping back, I shake my head.

"I will stay your PA Wayne, but this ends now." It needs to. I can't keep f*****g them both so that they find each other again. I can't live with myself knowing they are both okay with this while having no idea it is me.

"She said it was fine." He looks at me, confused.

"Which is great, Wayne. She doesn't know who I am, though. She doesn't know it is your PA. I don't think she would be so open to this if she knew the truth. Whatever you felt that made you go home, you can find it again without f*****g me. As I said, I will stay your PA. Maybe rather than trying to f**k me right now, go home. Spend the time with your wife and leave whatever work you were going to do here with me, and I will do it." It is all I can say. I feel guilty and right now want to make it up to them both for my shitty ways.

"But." 

I shake my head, stopping him. "Hand over the work you were going to do and go home to your wife. Show her you care, Wayne, enough to give her f*****g Sundays! Because it is f****d up that you are always here." I watch as he drops the files on the desk and walks out. Walking to it, I sit down and begin the work. I won't do it again. He will find a way to make his marriage stay alive without f*****g me. My whole Sunday is spent working, getting everything sorted for tomorrow. By eleven, I realise just how much Wayne does. While he has everyone who can do it all, he does a lot. Maybe that is what he needs to change?

Maybe he needs to trust his workers more to do some of this stuff? Packing up, I walk to the door, stepping out I lock it, turning I move and hide. Why the hell is he back?

"If it isn't here, it is lost." I hear his words as he unlocks the door.

"Maybe you left it in the bar last night, and someone took it?" I hear Elise talking.

"Well, I hope they choke on whatever they buy with the money in the wallet." I hear him laugh, a real one, so free. The sound of them moving makes me glance through, and I watch as they disappear through the door. Walking around to the parking, I get in the car, drive home, climb in bed, and pass out too quickly, too exhausted from working most of today. Too exhausted from the mental torture my mind has put me through.