Third Wheel

If My Life Had A Face, I'd Punch It

This cannot be happening. I shook my head.

Oh yes it f*****g is, the voice in my head replied.

I f*****g hate everything oh my god what the f**k why do I have to put up with all this bullshit

"I'm sorry, do you mind repeating what drink you would like to order again?" I asked cheerily. The blonde girl just frowned. "You know, we just recently started offering peach tea, strawberry banana smoothies, soy lattes, and…"

"I know what's on the drink menu, thanks," Valerie Callaghan replied condescendingly and I gritted my teeth. "I already know what I want to order."

What a self-important b***h. I flashed my brightest smile. "What can I get you?"

"Oh, well first of all I'd like to know if you have anything that's approximately twenty-three calories, doesn't taste flavorless, and won't trigger my allergy to gluten?"

Is this for the drink menu? If it is, didn't she just say that she figured out what to order?

I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream out loud, to grab her by the hair and cut off all of those stupid golden locks.

"Because," she drawled, "If I end up throwing up, I'll have to call your manager and report a lack of attention."

That part didn't worry me in the slightest. Mrs. Sykes and Mrs. Sykes both knew me well enough to distinguish what was my fault and what was customer hysteria. Mrs. Sykes the restaurant owner might put up a show to appease the customers, but Valerie Callaghan was a shrewd thinker, regardless of the ditzy valley girl vibe she gave off. Likely she would do something else, something unexpected and more unpleasant than merely filing a complaint with my manager.

"I understand," I found it more difficult to keep a cordial tone, "Would you perhaps like one of our-"

"Are you recommending me a drink, or some other part of the menu?" The blonde nuisance smirked, crossing her arms and tapping her ridiculous-looking acrylic nails on the table. I hoped sincerely that all of her hair, nails, and eyelashes might fall out someday.

"Well, on our drink menu-"

"Yes, on that subject I'd like a glass of pink lemonade with two strawberries in it, and no sugar, understood?"

I nearly dropped the water pitcher on her head.

Valerie quirked her eyebrow.

"Are we clear…" She drawled, "Snow Girl?"

"One pink lemonade with two strawberries, no sugar," I replied, trying my best to keep my cool. "Would you like that with or without ice-"

"With," she replied. "And make that one lemon wedge," she smiled.

"Understood. Is there anything else you would-"

"Oh. And, something else."

I looked down from my notepad and watched as she crossed her long, smooth legs and smirked at me again.

"My boyfriend is coming too," she added sultrily. "You know him, don't you? Oh, that's right! Didn't you two use to date as well?"

I smiled and picked up the pitcher again. "Would your boyfriend like anything to drink?"

"Besides the tall glass of water that I am?" Valerie Callaghan smirked.

God, I wanted to rip her throat out. I prayed to my ancestors' spirits that she might suffocate from the amount of makeup on her face.

"I think he would appreciate some Diet Coke," she decided, and flicked an acrylic-tipped nail at me. "You can leave now. That's all."

"One pink lemonade and one Diet Coke. Alright, I will be back," I replied sunnily.

"Oh, I do hope you will be," she laughed lightly.

I didn't need anyone to tell me to leave. I simply turned around and walked away as quickly as a I could.

"Everything okay, Susanna?" Mrs. Sykes asked.

"Yes, Mrs. Sykes," I replied, smiling.

However, inside I was wondering if it was possible to slowly die without anyone noticing. Because if so, that was exactly what I was going through.

Valerie. Valerie Callaghan.

Oh how I hated her oh so much oh my god…