My Adopted Brother and I

Not my brother

"There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender... identity is performatively constituted by the very 'expressions' that are said to be its results."

—Judith Butler

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Khaelus Cross

"Hey Khaelles?" I called out while changing my clothes. We're about to go home if your asking why.

"Hmm?" he hummed without looking at me.

"My earphone.. Where'd you put it?" I asked.

I saw him took a glance at me in the corner of my eye and shrugged so I turned at him and raised one of my eyebrows.

He quickly avoided my gaze which I didn't pay much attention to.

"You borrowed it and now you're telling me that you lost it?" I questioned him

"I didn't say that I lost it though— I just don't know where it is right now." he said nonchalantly

"Was I supposed to be glad? You clearly list it and yet you're denying that you didn't? You really annoying" I said and left him

I looked for my earphones at the dining table, kitchen, and even the same exact position we were at last night but it's nowhere to be found.

"Arghhhh!! Where the hell did he put it?!!" I roared while messing with my already messy hair.

I'm frustrated. Yes. That's because that's the only thing I received from my aunt or in short— Khaelles' mom. I don't actually remember anything but that's what mom told me before giving that to me.

"Khaellessssssss!!!"

"Where is it???!!!!!"

"I told you I don't know" I heard him answer from the room

"What are you two shouting about?" mom asked

"Khaelles lost my earphones" I mumbled

"It's just an earphone, why do you need to shout at your brother?" she said and I somehow felt bad but since I'm not nice, I won't say that

"He's not even my brother" I ventes before returning to the room

I saw Khaelles stop at his step and look at me sadly.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him.

I don't even kniw why I'm acting like this. It's not like that earphones is worth a million or anything. Mom was right, I could always buy a new one. Like my collections, it doesn't have any value. Maybe I just wanted something I could blame him for.

After that dream I started to be conscious around Khaelles. I wanted to blame him for everything but I know that it was partly my fault it turned out to be like this. It's my fault that I satrted having this uncontrollable desire towards him. It's my fault that I'm making myself feel this way. It is my fault for liking him.

After successfully jerking off with the thout of Khaelles, I finally realized that I'm gradually falling in the so called love trap and it's getting worse. Well, it may be too early to say all this but I'm not denying anything.

"Khaelus... I'm sorry I lost your earphones. I wasn't paying attention that I put it somewhere else other than your bag. Please.. Forgive me?" I heard his voice from outside the door.

I really want to open the door and tell him that it's ok. That it's not his fault but I didn't.

"I'm also here to let you know that we need to go" he added

"I'll... Be out... Just a minute" I whispered, I'm not sure if he heard.

After that I felt my phone vibrate inside my pocket so I opened it and saw that it was a message from my mom.

"I don't know what's happening with you and Khaelles but what you said earlier is too much. You know that he heard that and you didn't even bat a glance. It will hurt his feelings you know. I promised his parents that I'll take good care of him so I hope you apologize to him as soon as possible. Also, please let Khaelles in, his baggage is still inside the room and you're locking yourself in."

I smiled at that and as soon as I stood up another message came.

" I'm also worried about you so please go out right now. The plane will also leave in a few hours :) "

I sighed and opened the door. Before going out I carried Khaelles' bag and also mine. I aslo checked if I left anything and when I made syre that I didn't, I left the room.

"Oooohh, he's out. Let's go." mom said and I nodded

I walked with my mom and sat with her in the car.

"I'll— carry my bag...." Khaelles whispered while holding out his hand but I didn't give it to him "Khaelus...." he called out "Give it.. Please?" he said and I still didn't budge.

After a few seconds, he gasped and just let me be. He won't win to me anyway.

His bag is quite heavy and my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't give it to him and that I should take care of him.

When we arrived at the airport, we quickly boarded our plane and sat down at our assigned seat.

He sat beside me, don't even ask.

He's nervous, I can tell. His playing with his fingers which he usually do when he's embarrassed or nervous.

"Sorry...." he whispered "I didn't really thought that I would lose your earphones... I.. Uhmm.. My mind is just a little messy that time especially when—" he stopped and glanced at me "I really didn't mean it" he added.

"Stop. I know you didn't mean it." I said and he looked relieved but he still won't stop playing with his fingers.

I stopped him by holding his hands.

I looked at him and smiked like how I usually do.

"What are you so nervous about? I said it's fine." I clarified.

He smiled and whispered something I didn't hear.

—-

"Psst—"

"Pssst—"

"Khaelus—"

"Psssssstttt—"

"Mom! Stop it, you're gonna wake him up" I whispered drastically

"Ok, ok. Chill. So— are you guys fine?" she asked and I looked at her unbelievably.

"Is that all? You called me just for that?" I questioned her and she motioned 'no'

"Did you say sorry? You know he's sensitive when it comes to our family matters" she exclaimed and I sighed

"What's there to apologize for? What I said is true."

"Even so. He's still you're brother by law. I really don't get your attitude" she said

"Oh, really now?" I joked "Who was the one who said that Khaelles is my friend the first time?"

"You're being so unreasonable Khaelus Cross"

I grunted at that.

"Look mom, if there's nothing you're going to do. Please—" my words were cut off when Khaelles moved and grumbled in his sleep.

I slightly adjusted my shoulder to reposition his head. It will make him more comfortable.

"So—"

"Stop, mom."

"Sheesh. Kids these days are really— argh!"

"Moooommmmmm, please shut your mouth for an hour, ok?"

"Fine, fine. Here, earphones. Clear your head will you?"

She handed me her earphones so I took out my phone and played some music. I inserted one of the buds to my ears and the other one to Khaelles'.

****************

After 3 hours or so, we finally arrived at the airport. It usually takes a few minutes to finally go out from the plane so while we're at it, I woke Khaelles up.

I slightly tapped his cheek and called out his name until his eyes opened.

"Are we home?" he asked while yawning to which I answered with a 'no, not yet'

He straightened his back and rested his head on the plane's headrest.

"What's wrong?" Mom asked as soon as she saw Khaelles' state

"My neck is a little sore" he answered which made a little worried.

"Is it that bad?" I asked and he shook his head in response.

"Let's go then"

"Khaelus, assist your brother"

I quickly stood up and reached for my bag and Khaelles'.

"I can still walk mamá" Khaelles claimed but mom didn't budge, she just gave me knowing look that I swiftly understood.

"Let's go" I whispered by Khaelles' ear and he obliged.

My right hand was carrying our bag and the other is sitted on Khaelles' shoulder to support him in case he feels dizzy. He's weak after all. Too fragile to be hurt.

"Stay right here, I'm going to call Philip" Mom said so we nodded

"Is it ok for you if you stand for a little while?" I questioned Khaelles and he again, nodded and smiled "Are you sure?" I asked again because I'm that kind of person

"I'm fine" he responded so I let him be

I'm sure that mom would take a while since she never talk to someone without adding another topic to talk about. She always love to extend her conversation with everyone which I find so annoying. Her mouth doesn't even stop for a minute.

I glanced at Khaelles again, to make syre he's ok. He really seems tired. Maybe the flight exhausted him.

"Are you hungry?" I asked and he shook his head.

Just then did he grasped his forehead and closed his eyes.

"Khaelles" I called out

"Wait a minute" he said

I'm worried.

I really am.

He's always like this. Putting others first before himself, hiding his pain so no one worries— what makes me mad is the fact that I never really cared at all. Well, that was in the past. I won't make the same mistake twice.

I removed my earphone and slid it inside the pocket of my pants and dropped the bags I'm holding and placed my hands on his shoulder.

"Do you feel dizzy or something?" I asked but he kept his stand and said no.

"Khaelles. I know I'm not a nice person but if something happens to you I'm going to blame myself so tell me now, are you really ok?" I exclaimed. I don't even care if he misunderstand me or what 'cause right now, I'm more worried of his health.

A few seconds past and he didn't even bother to answer me.

"Don't be stubborn and follow me" I demanded before picking up our bag and pulling him to the waiting area where there are seats available.

I made him sit before going to a small stall just around the corner and bought some food and water.

When I came back, I dropped both the bags next to him and crouched to level our heads.

"Drink this" I said and handed him the opened water bottle which, of course, he didn't accept to prove that he's fine.

I sighed sharply. I'm slowly losing my patience.

"If you don't drink this—" I started and stared right at his eyes "—I'm going to lock you in your room so you can't work" I continued but he didn't seem bothered at all

"KHAELLES KRUSS. I'M TELLING YOU, IF YOU DON'T DRINK THIS RIGHT F*CKING NOW I'M GOING TO CUT TIES WITH YOU AND I SWEAR TO THE NAME OF MOM, YOU WON'T SEE ME EVER AGAIN" I threatened him. I know it doesn't really make sense but I'm pretty hopeful that it works.

Mom said that I can hurt Khaelles with the word "He's not my brother" so I'm trying it. If he does drink this water then she's right but if he didn't then, he doesn't really care about me.

I know that deep inside, I don't want him to accept the water because it will mean that I'm nothing more than a brother to him. If he really accept this, I will lose my only chance to be with him.

I smiled at the thought of that.

Of course he will accept it. What am I even hoping for.