The Forbidden Omega

Chapter Sixteen: The Absence

I pray that today, at last, Soren would return. Today, the miracle of his presence has to be a reality, after so many long weeks without him. My wolf is nearly gone with the loss of our mate, barely clinging to life with the faint memory of his perfect scent and the image of his smile as he tasted our cake. I think in the dark nights, when I long to hear his happy chatter, and feel the warmth of his presence, that I surely must die soon. That soon, I have to give up the fight for my Omega, and welcome the blackness of death. Anything to relieve this bone deep ache I have for Soren.

A slight twitch from my wolf pulls me from the bleak thoughts running through my mind, and I see a faint glimmer of gold beyond the windows, sunlight glinting off of golden curls. I can almost picture Soren's small smile of apology as he walks through the door. I crumble as the Omega, certainly *not* my Siren, continues down the sidewalk, taking my shred of hope with her.

I force a smile as a customer enters my bakery, their face bright with the crispness of the Autumn air, a few dead leaves flurrying in their wake. I nod to Gabe, as I head into the kitchen, allowing the cheerful Omega to do his work. It's almost uncanny how easily Gabriel puts customers at ease with his mild scent and slim frame. Certainly he's less intimidating than myself, and my towering build.

I remove the proofing cloth covering a simple batch of bread dough, pulling it from the warmth to build up the proteins that would give it shape and substance in the oven. The mindless effort numbs my heart, lulling me back to the safe place of quiet agony. The soon to be loaf accepts my frustrations, letting me pound out my turmoil into it's elastic form. I add a handful of flour, before turning the mass of soon to be bread, readying myself for another round.

Gabe's head pops around the corner of the kitchen and shop, his light eyes scrutizing me as I grimly work the dough. His face softens in sympathetic pain, as he murmurs something I can't quite hear. "Aiden," he adds in an audible volume, "don't *overwork* the dough." The young Omega sighs as I give the tough a good pounding, not listening to his advice. Even if this loaf is completely inedible, the relief from having something to destroy is worth the loss of a loaf.

"Boss," Gabe murmurs, his hand reaching out to rest upon my bicep. "Boss, I know you're hurting. I'm here, if you need to get anything out." I look up from the dough, my broken eyes reflected in Gabe's, and I stop the restless movement of my hands. I have to give in to my employee's wisdom, knowing that he was right. I can't let this consume me.

"I know,  Gabe." I move to the sink to clean the sticky residue from my hands, sighing in abject defeat at the admission. "I just need him. I'm terrified he's going to be hurt, if not now, then soon." It's the inevitability of Jason's abuse that haunts my dreams. Images of Soren's broken body lying in some morgue taunt me in the dark of the night, the knowledge that no matter what I do or say, I cannot help him.

"Yeah," Gabe mutters, leaning against the counter. "I know it's got to be hard for you. But maybe he'll come around?" I nod miserably, having to fight for that slim hope, that Soren might come to his senses, some day soon. I can't imagine going on with my life were he to die, and I can hardly picture any form of happiness without him in the picture.

It's something I truly appreciate, when Gabe gently offers me a smile, as I know my own despair is just as hard on him as it is on me. Gabe relies on me to keep things together. He needs me to carry on, despite my own devastated outlook on life. Somehow I have to keep going, if only to card for the pup who I took under my wing so long ago. I just don't know how to do this anymore.

I half wish that I had never met Soren. I half wish that I could go back to simple loneliness, instead of this deep ache that fills my soul. It was better before I'd met him, before he walked into my life with his perfect silver green eyes and the smile that makes my heart stop beating. If I had a chance, I would go back and tear Jason to shreds, consequences be damned, the instant I saw those horrible wounds on my precious Omega.

I look up at Gabe, as he frowns at his phone, his pink younger peeking out between his lips as he types a text message onto the screen. I almost smile at his youthful innocence. His soft joy gives me a tiny glimmer of hope, as we finish the weekly duties, our quiet banter a ghost of what it had once been. Even though it's hardly a glimmer of what I had once felt, I know that the return to normalcy was something I need, whether I want it or not.

My life has to endure, if not for my Omega, then for my family, the biological and the adopted. I have to carry on for them, for Rhea, and Lily, and Cameron, and James I have to keep going no matter how badly I want to give up the final battle. The prospect of losing my wolf doesn't seem as daunting as does the prospect of losing the people I love. If I have to, I'll do anything to just see my latest batch of nieces and nephews, and I know even if I have no pups of my own, I can be an amazing uncle.

As I lay down in my cold, lonely bed, I have to admit that it seems to be the only life I'm being given.

I just wish I could have my mate to save me from this living death in his absence.