Benevolence

Chapter 15

He woke up to find himself surrounded by big white fluffy pillows and wondered, panicked if he was in hospital. He bolted upright only to bang into a face and came to his senses to hear grumpy swearing.

Looking down he saw blood splotches against the navy blue duvet on him. It was a small patch so couldn't have been his. It must have belonged to whoever he had hit and he looked up his heart heavy to lock his cloudy blue eyes against miserable green ones. He jerked back for a second in surprise before sorting himself out.

Will stood there lanky and awkward trying to clog his nose with tissues to stop the nosebleed that he had caused...again?

‘Hi,’ Will began awkwardly shuffling from one foot to the other, ‘I didn't think you would be up this quick. It's just been an hour since we got back and mum and dad are still at the hospital and so is Louis. He dropped us off and left. Olivia.......she's dead but I suppose you knew that and I'm the only one who could stay to watch you so I'm here. Are you hungry?’

James just stared at him. He didn't know what to think or how to react to Will's presence. It was clear that Will was trying to be earnest and keep a distance yet it was also very clear Will wanted to know how the night went because he knew from his past experiences how deaths like these occured.

He knew he should talk about it and that they should do something about it but right now he had never wanted to get away from Will more. The only one who would understand was the one who had put him in this situation too.

Looking him in the eye unflinching he said in a gruff unused voice laddened with sleep, ‘She forgave you for what you did and me too, I suppose she already knew and forgave me. I think....I think food is good. Yeah I'll eat.’

Will nodded rigidly and rubbed the back of his neck about to say something but then turned around to leave for the food. James closed his eyes when he heard Will's footsteps skimming the steps relieved they didn't have to converse.

So Olivia was officially dead and the laughter in his head had stopped. The tapping at his head was ever consistent but he could get used to it. Sitting up he looked out of the window to his street.

It was funny how normal people were being. Like nothing had happened. Like his sister didn't just die in a coma. But of course they would be. They were ignorant of the eerie being that had made a nest inside of him.

Hitting the wall he winced at the sharp pain reddening his knuckles with satisfaction. It's insane to want to blindly hurt himself but it was better lashing out at the wall than his brother who he would most definitely love to make a target off.

Sucking on his knuckle he didn't look up as the door closed. He felt the bed dip as Will sat down and sighed finally looking up at the worried look on his face. He had never seen that look on his sulky brother's face for him ever.

Giving Will a slight smirk he looked over at his meal and couldn't help but guffaw. Will looked a little embarrassed but also defensive.

‘Look you know I'm rubbish at cooking so be thankful I did this for you. I though dad would have had something ready but he didn't.’

James sniggered at the annoyed look Will was giving him and saw Will's face soften as he grabbed the tray.

‘Well since you tried ever so hard to make me beans on toast it would be incredibly rude of me to refuse it though you could have got a takeaway. Not saying I don't appreciate you labouring over the microwave so I'll eat it. At least you brought me a Dr Pepper with it.’

Will rolled his eyes and looked out of the window. James wondered if he was thinking the same thing about their neighbours as he had been. His musings were interrupted by his growling stomach and so he gave it his undivided attention and stuffed his face.

His ravenous eating must have been something because Will was watching him with both alarm and fascination. It made him wonder if he had never seen anyone eat so piggish before. Wow maybe he had really priggish friends. Meh who was he to judge them anyway.

He felt bloated and pregnant after the meal which was odd considering it was just beans on toast and that he'd never actually been pregnant so didn't know how it actually felt. As he drank the Dr Pepper he clutched his stomach with a grimace- stomach cramps. Will was watching with a stressed frown wondering what he should do about this.

Before his mind was blown over thinking whatever he was over thinking the cramps subsided. Aaah he could breathe again. James gave him a sheepish shrug to which he gave him his middle finger and just like that the tension left the atmosphere.

They were brothers again better at it than before this dilemma occurred. Maybe this is what Olivia meant by joy out of this predicament. He doubted it though because he still felt skittish and furious around him but he had to curb that so they could work together.

He was watching him with an unsure look on his face which made him groan in exasperation. He blinked at that surprised and checked himself to mask his emotions.

No wonder the kid didn't have friends if that's how he introduced himself to others.

‘Go on just say it. I know you've been dying to ask me anyway and you will eventually so spit it out.’ Ouch that came out a lot harsher than he'd meant it to.

He took a deep breath and looked out of the window before softly replying, ‘I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. It's all my fault and you have every right to hate me. I condemned you to this and I can't imagine what your night must have been like with it. You don't have to talk about it because I feel like I know what happened but all I can say is it's not your fault. It's mine and that things. I just.........I need to know what she said to you and to discuss your state and night for research so we can....you know get rid of it. I can't do it without you and you need this more than i do.’

There it was. The sly sentence he'd been waiting for. The part where he needed him too and for him to ask exactly what he needed to know without skipping around the topic.

He had flushed slightly, possibly from the exertion of his firm tone and was looking at him expectantly. He felt annoyed at what everyone always expected of him. To be the guy who would do it to help everyone. No facade or lies shrouding him, just to be an open book and want to help.

He should just not tell him to spite him and destroy the model good image of him placed there to manipulate but he couldn't because of what Olivia had asked him.

He couldn't do that to her.

He could feel Will's eyes boring through the back of his head as he turned to the window. Funny how their roles just reversed. He took a deep breath surprised to find his hands shaking slightly at the thought of bringing it all up again. Exhaling lightly he turned back to Will, who sat in front of him waiting patiently.

He kept his eyes down on his hands as he recounted everything that had happened. He tried to ignore the scratching on pen on paper as he forced himself to talk about his dream missing of course the kiss because it's weird and he left out his feelings during it all as well because he was allowed some privacy.

Other than that he recounted Olivia's talk and the drumming in his head. Will seemed very interested and his eyes were gleaming.

‘This is a lot more useful than anything I tried finding yesterday and none of this ever happened with me. You can always feel it like right now its drumming too? And in your dream it had a body with green eyes.’

A weirded out look crossed Will's mind when he said that almost like he was recalling something himself.

He nodded to himself and put a hand on James's shoulder squeezing it in effort to be comforting which was nice he supposed.

‘I thought I'd be able to tell you how to deal with it and sort of help you but what you're describing is new even for me and I don't know what you're going through at all. The only time I ever felt anything big like this was after....after I did something big like Theo or Olivia but not constantly. I'll definitely look into it but I can't promise anything. What you've just told me gave me more to look into and I need you to tell me stuff about it, ok?’

Will stopped and just watched him with a look near to pity yet that didn’t infuriate him or make him feel weak. It was a pity that came from having gone through the same thing himself.

‘If you're going to ask, I'm going to be fine you don't need to baby me. There's no one I can hurt if I'm alone but if it really bothers you, you can keep an eye out or whatever. I'll tell you whatever you need to know just.....’

Will waited for him to continue but when he didn't he sighed and raised an eyebrow at him, ‘Well?’

James looked out of the window resting his head on the ledge as he focused on a couple arguing over who was going to drive, ‘Stop pretending to care about me because we both know you don't actually give a shit.’

He caught the look of hurt that crossed Will's face before becoming one of indifference as he left the room with a soft click of the door