Benevolence

Chapter 17

He woke up from the sleep of gods to the sound of people conversing pretty loudly and happily with shrieks. He was bombarded with hugs from all over as soon as his eyes opened. Mum and dad were literally suffocating him with kisses and squeezes before they were hauled back by Lou and Will. Cracking a smile he grabbed Lou and Will, still incredibly weakly into hugs feeling relieved that they weren't going to kiss him.

Taking his time he looked around at them all with his 20/20 vision and felt awful about the exhaustion he could read so clearly in their eyes and smiles. Will looked the worst and the bags under his eyes told him he hadn't slept much at all. He knew he looked a billion times worse so he decided not to ask for a mirror. Lou looked liked a homeless hobo having worn the same outfit for several days and stank pretty bad too.

Regardless of how much his bones groaned and ached in protest he sat up properly to act like he was fine. Frowning, he could feel his flesh stretching over his bones like sandpaper and felt his stomach had shrank in, churning at nothing.

He could feel the route his gulp had taken down his oesophagus to his stomach where the churning continued renewed. The cramps convulsed inside him and he looked out of the window as tears streamed down his emaciated face.

He couldn't stand himself because what he was now was so repulsive. He heard the chatter die down till it became a mournful silence in which his chin was tilted back to his dad who wiped the tears from his face delicately, like he was made of glass.

This made him even more aware of his fragile state and he couldn't stop the flood of tears that came into his dad's chest like a tsunami. He knew this was one of his dad's favourite shirts he was getting mucky with his snot and tears but he didn't care. He gripped onto him weakly, like a baby holds onto their mother and felt other arms folding him in.

Drying up after a while he looked up to see four faces shining with worry yet also with comfort, he closed his eyes and knew he had to eat. He didn't want to wither away like this and he was strong enough to hold it back this time. He knew it.

‘I...I want Will to get me hot chocolate please.’ His voice sounded strange; barely audible and hoarse that he didn't even recognise it as his own but with his request two arms from the bundle pulled away and Will left the room. The others closed in tighter around him and he just sat there limp in their arms enjoying the warm feeling buzzing in his veins, of home and love.

Will was taking an awfully long time with his hot chocolate which was annoying since it wasn't like he'd asked for trifle or cake. He just WANTED- that was a close one- Will to hurry up because his stomach was getting ready to cave in.

Will brought it in and he sighed at the sweet chocolatey fumes wafting from the mug. To his delight he could also smell another sweet scent which had to be none other than marshmallows.

Lou moved away from him as mum held the mug to his lips. His mouth watered at the smooth brown liquid in front of him but remembered Will's expression from the last time he ate. He didn't want to be viewed like that again.

‘If it's alright with you I'd prefer to drink this alone.’

Mum frowned and swept his locks from his face, ‘But darling you aren't strong enough to drink this yourself. Let us help you.’

He scowled at their misunderstanding and looked over at Will for help. Lou watched their interaction with trepidation probably wondering when they'd gotten so chummy. Will gave him a serious look- showing he understood- and a slight nod of the head as he went to dad to whisper something to him. Dad did the same to mum and James didn't care what it was as long as they all just left him alone.

Mum nodded slowly her eyes never going from his as she stood up lithe and elegant making her way to the door after a quick kiss on his cheek. He shuddered lightly when she turned away because of how he had felt her lips against his jawbone as though there was no skin to separate them.

‘Can we at least have someone outside just in case something happens,’ she said and his heart clenched at the sorrow in her voice, ‘I know you've gotten better but I'd not like to leave it to chance because....because I can't lose you like...like her.’

He gulped and nodded stiffly after which she left hesitantly.

He sagged against the window sill when he heard the door close and let himself think about Olivia. No sooner had he finished thinking about her 4th grade nativity play in which she'd been an angel than the warm chocolatey smell infiltrated his nostrils and pushed away his thoughts. He could feel saliva building up in his mouth like water building up behind a dam with some of it escaping his mouth in trickles of drool.

He was just so hungry and the foamy mug beside him looked so, so good. Gingerly, he cupped the mug between his hands and lightly blew on it to cool it down. He knew that getting scalded wasn't an option for his tender state.

He blew at the foam a little more and frowned at the swaying chocolate in the mug. It looked a little off because it wasn't exactly chocolate brown. He'd never had seen off chocolate because they had such long expiry dates but he supposed Will had been careless.

Calling Will in he showed him the hot chocolate that he'd prepared watching his face for any ‘oops’ look but just received a weirded out look. And not towards the drink either but towards him.

‘Um James there's nothing wrong with it. It's hot chocolate. If you want I'll get you something else.’

He made for the mug but James held it close causing him to blink owlishly at him.

‘No its fine. It must be the after affects. I'll maybe have to take time getting used to food after y'know...’

Will nodded unsurely before heading out with a ‘if you need anything holler’.

As soon as he left he looked back at the mug to see the dark maroon tinge swirling with the brown and shook his head at the cup. After effects sucked but he wouldn't let that ruin his heavenly toast to victory over the monster inside him.

He swallowed down large gulps of the hot chocolate scrunching his nose slightly at the weird metallic tang he tasted mixed with the gooey chocolate. His senses must be a little haywire from the tough time they had but it was a little weird though. His taste buds had never been faulty when it came to flavour. Shrugging lightly, he sipped a little slower as he watched the sun creep under the clouds creating a chilling replica of his dream horizon.

Flexing his shoulders he ignored the hairs standing on the back of his neck and took another swig of the drink just to gag in disgust at the taste. He could hardly taste the chocolate now as the powerful metallic zing overwhelmed his senses.

His eyes widened and his back stiffened as he looked back into his mug. Crimson rouge liquid lay pretty dense half way through his mug with no sign of the chocolate there had been. Shakily he spat out the blood still swirling in his mouth, using his blanket to try to scrub the rest of it off.

After wiping his tongue and gums raw he picked up the mug to see it cracking slightly. His eyes popped out of his head as he realised the blood- which was the red liquid's identity- was going to spill out.

With rabid eyes he picked up the mug and hurled it at his mirror screaming when it broke. Will rushed in and his eyes widened at the scene before him.

On the bed sat James with wild and feral sapphire blue eyes, yanking at his wavy chestnut brown hair and screaming hysterically at his mirror.

Will turned slowly with a sinking feeling in his gut towards the mirror and blinked at the normalness of it. He’d been expecting a dead cat or a mangled bird or fresh blood (an irrational fear of James's since he was 5) but there was nothing except a broken mug dripping hot chocolate on the rug amongst mirror pieces.

James had stopped screaming as loudly when Will had turned to the mirror and watched with close attention as Will picked up the bloodied pieces of glass and set them aside. He didn't know how Will could be so calm when there was blood drenching his rug and soaked into his hands.

His eyes widened, alarmed at the stains on his hands and he began scrubbing them with immense strength muttering about how he was going insane and how no one else cared about the blood. He felt angry at their inconsideration because maybe they were alright with it but he wasn't. His anger amplified as he laid eyes on Will who had just put down the towel he cleaned the blood with. Did he mean to pull a prank with this? The blood couldn't have come by itself and he had made him the drink.

‘So I suppose you think it's funny do you?’

Will turned at his remark with a frown and asked, ‘What did I do?’

James laughed and winced once he heard it. It sounded crazy and slightly insane, that laugh he’d just done. Will must have thought so too because he suddenly looked pityingly at him and whispered soothingly, ‘Why don't you just tell me what I did.’

And so James did. He told him about the sneaky chocolate mixed with blood and how it was a clever guise because he had been unaware till he was already deep in. It was cruelty to the highest degree because he was already starving and now he was getting better Will wanted to hurt him.

Will's eyes had zoned out near the end but looked at him after a few minutes with a fiercely caring look, ‘You have to wish James. Make a wish and things can get better.’

James laughed again and shook his head, ‘I can't Will. I am never going to stop fighting this thing inside me because I never give up.’

Will stood up stiffly radiating a cold white fury that burnt him a little too.

‘So what you're saying is that you're willing to die in order to win against this thing in your head because that sounds extremely dumb to me. If you die it wins because it gets to go into someone else who probably will give it what it wants so why let it?’

He sighed airily because he knew Will would never understand. They were talking about sacrifice and bravery here of course he wouldn't.

‘I can beat this because Will. It can't let me die so I can handle whatever it throws at me. Besides you're the one who pranked me making this conversation irrelevant?’

Will fisted his hand to stop himself reaching out to shake James. He'd probably break him if he did.

‘It's stopping you from eating James and drinking. How long until it has you so weak that it can take over? Regardless of what you think once it has your mind that needs nourishment it has you. Then what? It'll have won right?’

James ran a hand through his hair in indignation. Did Will think he was this stupid? His alternative of making a wish would enable the thing to get stronger faster.

‘Look frankly I don't see how my well being concerns you because you hardly cared before and now I don't care if you do. I can do this even if you don't believe me so if you want to help in any way maybe you should look into this things ability to do stuff without a wish and help me out sometime but if you don't want that then you can leave.’

The colour in Will's face left and his mouth became a thin line. James looked to his eyes to see frosty green orbs watching him before Will nodded abruptly.

Without saying anything he stalked across his room visibly vibrating with unshed emotion and anger before leaving with a soft click.

James rubbed a hand over his face exhaustedly suddenly drained from all the activity he had gone through today.

His stomach gurgled in response and he angrily lay on it huffing slightly as he fell asleep to the quiet murmurs in the hallway and the gaudy singing on the street.

It was probably Mr Spencer having his nightly drink.