The Toxic Ex

Calm Yourself, Zara Tabitha

Chace and I started out with fireworks and steam. He was sweet, extremely shy, adorable, and playful. He made stupid and lame jokes that made me laugh. In the beginning, he was a breath of fresh air. The day after the party was the first time I actually talked to him in school, even though we’ve been in the same university for several years. Before I moved away from home for college, I was the “studious” student people didn’t know much about. I was in the Advanced class, and was stuck there for years. I never had the chance to socialize with the other students until senior year.

The day after the party, I went out of the classroom during lunch break to go to the restroom, and as I was walking down the hallway, I saw him walking in my direction. When he saw me, he looked away and his eyes wandered while he continued walking. He looked so neat in his uniform. He acted so awkward. I pursed a smile, and as we approached each other, I tried to catch his eye. I thought it would be better if I reached out to him first. Apparently, the other students were under this weird impression that people from our class were snob and intimidating.

We made eye contact and I smiled. “Hi.”

I think he was taken aback for a moment. His eyes couldn’t stay still. “Oh, hey.”

We proceeded to walk past each other. For some reason, our encounters were extremely insignificant and brief, but somehow they left a lasting impression each time. In the following days, Brix, our mutual friend who hosted the party, would invite me whenever they hung out. I always went, since I’ve also made friends with some people in their circle. And Chace was always also there. But although we were together, sat near each other, brushed past each other, and participated in the same games and the same conversations, he never really glanced my way nor talked to me. I laughed at his jokes, and took notice of his playful personality, but he never tried to get close to me. And I wanted him to. Until one night, I got a text from an unknown number.

“Hey. You left your planner in Brix’s house, and I have it with me.”

I suddenly remembered. It must’ve fallen out of my bag when we went to Brix’s house to hang out. I felt relieved. All my tasks and reminders were there. I typed in and sent my reply.

“Really? Thank you so much! Who is this, by the way?”

I probably waited a whole hour until I received a reply. It was already 9 o’clock when I heard a message pop up while I was in bed watching a movie. I grabbed my phone and opened the message.

“It’s me, Chace.”

It’s Chace? He has my number?

“I owe you one, Chace. How do you have it though?”

It’s strange that he has it with him when Brix could’ve just kept it. Five minutes later, he replied.

“Brix just gave it to me. Do you want me to bring it to your classroom during lunch tomorrow?”

I smiled at his offer, but I felt shy thinking about it.

“I’m actually busy during lunch. Can I just message you after class?”

“Sure. Brix and the others will hang at the bleachers. See you, then.”

“Thank you so much!”

_____________________________

Fuck. This is taking too long.

I was supposed to go meet with Chace and the others when our class president suddenly initiated a meeting.

I hope I’m not making him wait too long.

“And that ends our meeting,” our class president finally announced. I swiftly grabbed my things and made a run for it. Why is the soccer field so damn far?

The sky was starting to get dark, the sun was about to set, and the school was almost empty. It’d be a miracle if anyone’s still even there.

Catching my breath, I finally arrived at the bleachers. And I saw two people talking at the top. It was Chace and Brix. Did they wait?

“You guys,” I said, panting, “You’re still here?”

“Not voluntarily, you dumbass,” Brix exclaimed. I laughed guiltily.

“I’m so sorry. Really. Our president, he—“

“Yeah, we know,” Brix interrupted. Chace was sitting right beside him. He’s not looking at me. It’s as if he couldn’t look at me. “Anyway, I need to go. Chace has your planner, alright?”

“Hey, wait. Don’t just leave us here!”

Brix quickly jogged down the bleachers and took off. I turned to look at Chace. I was standing right in front of him while he was sitting on the top bleacher, our eyes level. His eyes had the sky’s reflection, and the sunset slowed time down.

Why’d Brix have to leave and make it awkward? Chace and I aren’t even close.

“Chace, I’m so sorry. Did you guys wait long?”

“Nah, it’s no big deal,” he said with his usual playful tone, although he couldn’t maintain eye contact for more than one second. I smiled. “Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver, really.”

He laughed. “You should sit down first while I grab it from my bag. You must be tired.”

“I am. I ran like crazy," I said as I went up and sat down beside him. The distance between us suddenly made me on edge and self-conscious. I hope he doesn't see through how strangely nervous I am.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I watched you run. Really thought you were Usain Bolt for a moment there."

I giggled as I watched him grab the planner from his backpack. For a split second, I watched in awe how he was bathed in the sunset's colors. He turned to me to hand me the planner, and our eyes met. And there it was again. His eyes that reflected the sunset. At that moment, I prayed I didn’t accidentally embarrass myself because I felt my self-control being snatched away from me in a millisecond.

Don’t be awkward. Don’t be stupid. Calm yourself, Zara Tabitha.

I smiled and hoped it didn’t turn out awkward and ugly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He gave me a soft, adorable smile before he avoided my gaze once again. There was a moment of awkward silence between us as I stuffed the planner inside my bag.

“You know,” he started, but when he met my eyes he looked down and chuckled shyly. I tried to suppress my smile when I saw that, but I couldn’t. When he saw that I was smiling, he couldn’t look at me anymore.

“You know,” he attempted once again to talk, but gazing up on the sunset hues this time, “It’s getting kind of dark. I should take you home.”