Shattered

Chapter 4

My birthday is finally here , and I try to act happy. I have a card from my dad with tickets to a rock concert that I really want to go to in the summer. Front row seats. I couldn’t complain.  There were two tickets, and I was pretty sure I would be going with Alice, but I could dream that maybe I’d be going with Carter. After all, we did like the same music, and Carter plays the drums. 

I get dressed, and head downstairs. Jason had made my favorite, Eggs Benedict with fresh fruit. I say thanks as he wishes me happy birthday. Carter, Tori, Samantha, and Evan walk in. Like clockwork Tori, Sam, and Evan go outside to smoke before breakfast is ready. Carter walks up to me, and I can tell he has something in his hands. 

“Happy Birthday, Emmy. I got you something.” Carter gives me his famous sexy smile.

I try not to turn beat red from my excitement. The butterflies in my stomach activate. I have to keep my cool, but I normally end up making a fool out of myself when Carter is around. 

“Thanks, and you didn’t have to get me anything.” I try to act nonchalant, but I’m pretty sure I was failing. 

Carter hands me a little red box. I take it, and open it. It was a sterling silver charm bracelet, the charms were a guitar, a microphone, drums, a bass guitar, a skull, drumsticks, and a charm that said Rock & Roll on it. I loved it. My face lights up with a smile. 

“Here let me put it on you,” Carter offers. I put out my wrist, and he clasps it on. 

“I know we both like Rock music, I thought you would like it.”

“I love it!” I try not to blush from his hand brushing my arm. “Thank you.” 

“You welcome. I would have given it to you tonight, but you seemed bummed this morning, so I decided to give it to you now. You should start your birthday happily.” Carter smiles at me. 

“Um thanks, but why would I be seeing you tonight?”

I was definitely not going on his date with Tori. I had no desire to torture myself. I might be self destructive on occasion, but I certainly didn't want to make myself more miserable than I already was. 

“Your birthday dinner. Tori was supposed to tell you the other day when she got home.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Carter’s face twisted in confusion. It made sense now. Tori lied, of course she did, it’s totally her to try and make me feel like crap. She knows I have a crush on Carter so she lied to make me think he liked her and not me. Classic Tori. 

“You mean your date because that’s what I was told was happening tonight. Tori said you two were going on a date.” 

Carter huffs in frustration. 

“Why am I not surprised? She told me she wanted us all to go out to dinner tonight. I guess her plan was to not tell you, and I’m sure Sam and Evan would have not shown up either, which would mean it would just be her and I.” 

Carter seems annoyed, and so was I. I hate that Tori was such a manipulator. This wouldn't be the first time she has manipulated a situation to benefit her and what she wants. What Tori wants she gets, end of story. She doesn't care who she hurts in the process. As long as she gets what she wants nothing else mattered to her. She was the very definition of selfish. 

“She can be clever when she wants to be.” I state feeling the anger build in me. 

“Yeah,” Carter sounds angry now. 

Tori, Sam, and Evan walk back in. Tori stops in her tracks when she sees that Carter has given me a gift. I get up to leave, and Carter follows me. 

“Carter where are you going?” Tori asks, batting her eyelashes. 

I want to slap that innocent look right off her face. I feel the anger and frustration boil in my veins. I want to lash out at her. My emotions are so strong. What is happening to me? The change I had been feeling is so strong right now. 

Carter’s reply to Tori stops my train of thought. 

“To take Emmy to school. It’s her birthday, so she is getting the full birthday treatment.”

Oh great my birthday has turned into a pissing contest between the popular kids. I knew I should be happy that Carter wanted to spend time with me, but I feel like he might be doing it to get back at Tori for trying to deceive him.  I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone, so I gladly accept Carter’s offer. I know Carter drove here because normally Carter drove everyone to school on Friday. 

I grab my stuff, and we both walk out to his Audi. He opens the door and I get in. Carter climbs into the driver's side and starts the car. Nirvana comes through the speakers. Carter pulls out of the driveway. I can tell he was tense. I know he must be mad. I didn’t want him to spend time with me to get back at Tori. No, I wanted him to spend my birthday with me because he wanted to. I felt like I should say something, but I really didn’t want to shatter the moment. I also didn’t think I would fully enjoy myself if I didn’t clear the air. 

“Please tell me you aren’t hanging out with me to get back at Tori.” I blurt the words out so fast I wasn’t sure Carter would understand me. 

“No why would you say that?”

“I don’t know… I..just um…” Crap I sound like an i***t. Now I feel stupid for questioning him. 

“Don’t worry about it. I could see why you thought that. I’m going to give Tori what she wants. I'll take her on a date tonight.” Carter’s voice was cold. 

“Oh really?” I feel my stomach go into knots. She had won, that b***h really won. Just as I thought I might win, I find out I’ve lost. 

“Why not, it's not like she will leave me alone. Get it done and over with. It’s not like I have anyone interested in dating me.”

“I doubt that, Carter. Almost every girl wants to date you at school,” I counter. 

Carter was one of the heart throbs at school along with Evan and Josh. Carter was the only single one of the sexy amigos. Ugh, I still can't believe that's what people call them.

“Yeah well none of them matter.” 

“Oh.” My voice seems distant.

I’m one of those girls. I guess I didn’t matter in that way to him. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. My worst nightmare has come true, and on my birthday no less. Great this sucks. Carter must have seen that I wasn’t okay. 

“You okay?” His voice fills with concern. 

“Yeah.” I stammer. 

Damn what was wrong with me? I feel like I had just been stabbed in the chest. I’ve held onto my feelings for too long, and I didn’t think I was ready to let them go. I wish I could just disappear. Why couldn't the earth just open up, and swallow me? That would be less painful than this. 

Why did I get my hopes up like this? I should know better. Things never work out to my benefit, so why would I think this time would be any different. I couldn’t wait to get to school, and get out of the car. I feel trapped as the anxiety builds inside of me. 

Why was I reacting this way? So what? My crush didn’t like me back, it happens. Why have a panic attack over it? That’s when it hit me. I was hoping Carter would save me from my sad little life. When did I become the damsel in distress? More importantly, when had I placed all my hope in one guy? He wasn’t just any guy though, he was the one. I’ve never felt like this for anyone before, and I wasn’t sure I ever would. That makes me a fool. 

Damn it I was love’s fool. The realization makes me feel dizzy, my world was crashing down around me because my prince charming had abandoned me. I suddenly can’t breathe. 

“On the other hand there is a girl I like, but I’m not sure she feels the same way about me.” Carter keeps the conversation going . I didn’t want to hear about his crush.

“Hey you sure you're okay? You look a little pale.” Carter’s voice is filled with concern.

I just couldn’t find the words to let him know I was okay. Alright I wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to let him know that. What would I say? How could I explain myself freaking out like a crazy person. 

Carter pulls into the school parking lot, and I feel some relief, soon I could get out this forsaken car. He parks, and I’m about to jump out of the car when I find myself unable to move. Of course I wouldn’t be able to move when all I wanted to do was run away. 

Damn it. This couldn’t be happening. All the wishing in the world wasn’t going to help me right now. Suddenly everything seems to pause, and I wasn’t sure what was happening. I had wished that everything would stop, and it did. Weird, I must be imagining things. I had to be. I close my eyes, and reopen them to find Carter back in motion. Yup, I ‘ve lost my mind. 

“Emmy are you sure you are okay?” 

“No I’m not okay because I’m one of those pathetic girls at school who likes you. Carter I like you a lot. I've had a crush on you forever, and you know what I really don’t want to hear about how you are taking my b***h or sister out on a date on my birthday when you made me think you wanted to spend time with me. Oh, and I really don’t want to hear about whomever you have a crush on.” The words flow from my mouth in a burst of anger. I couldn't stop myself. I wasn’t sure where my sudden braveness came from, but it felt good. I was normally shy and kept things to myself, but not this time. Maybe there was hope for me yet. 

“Emmy you're the girl I have a crush on. I only brought up taking Tori out on a date to see what your reaction was. I was trying to see if you would be mad, and clearly you are. I was trying to feel you out to see if you felt the same way about me. I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

My jaw drops slightly. Carter has a crush on me! The butterflies in my stomach do a little happy dance.

“Oh. Now I feel like a b***h. Sorry I flipped out on you.” Damn it, I ruined my chance by flipping out on him. I really like to self sabotage myself, hell I was doing it even when I don’t realize I am. Sometimes it feels like there is something dark inside of me that makes me act this way. 

“It’s okay. So how about we go on a date tonight? After all it is your birthday and we both have feelings for each other, so I’m not really seeing a reason for us not to do this.”

“What about Victoria she will freak out?” I couldn’t believe I was considering Tori’s feelings. She surely wouldn’t do the same for me. 

“I can handle her, don’t worry. I’ll pick you up around seven. I have lacrosse practice today. Will you be able to get home?”

“Yeah, I can call one of the maids to come and get me. Lucy normally doesn’t mind. So this is really happening?”

“If you want it to.” Carter sounds casual and confident. 

“Yes I want it to happen.” I smile at him.

I now have a reason to go shopping today after school. I get out of the car feeling suddenly light and happy. I was still a little thrown off by how it felt like I somehow paused time with my mind, but I had to be imagining it. I did feel different when I woke up this morning. It felt like a new surge of power had taken over me. Despite my panic attack  a few moments ago I have been feeling more confident which showed when I told Carter off before I found out I was the one he liked. 

I say goodbye to Carter, and head into the big old brick building. The school used to be an old boarding school back in the twenties, and it had turned into a private school in the fifties. It used to be an all boy school, but as the times changed so do the rules and in the seventies the school became co-ed. The building looks like it belonged as part of the set in the Harry Potter movies, which I love, and have no problem pretending that I’m attending a wizarding school instead of a boring regular one. 

What is really bothering me is that I felt different, like something had awoken in me. Could really turning seventeen make me feel all that different? I could feel it the moment I woke, like a pivotal change has taken place over night. It has to be all in my mind. After all, I now feel like I was on cloud nine after finally getting a date with the guy I’ve had a crush on for years. There was some part of me deep down that always knew Carter liked me, but for some reason I had ignored it. In fact, all my senses and perceptions always seem on point, but sometimes I didn’t always listen to them. 

There is another change I notice. I felt braver too. I normally wouldn’t have stood up to Tori like I had the other night. I was ready to stand my ground, to fight for myself. I feel like I didn’t have to take the twin’s crap anymore. I don’t know how turning seventeen could make such a big change in me, but it would seem that it had. 

In the back of my mind there was a tiny part of me worried about Tori, and what she is going to think about Carter taking me on a date. Part of me doesn’t care because I know she doesn’t care about me, but the other part of me that does care is worried she will go crazy and make my life a living hell. Tori doesn’t take too well to not getting what she wants, and she will try to do everything in her power to make sure she gets what she wants, even if it means destroying me in the process. That’s okay let her try. I’ll fight back. I’m going to take charge of my life, I won’t let her bully me anymore.