Shattered

Chapter 2

Six months later…………..

My life has changed for the worst I now live with people I don’t like and try to love.  I have never felt like I belong here even though my dad made sure I had my own bedroom and I had everything I could want. He was rich and gave me my heart's desire, but it wasn’t the same.  My mom was always there for me without her. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with a family that didn’t seem to care much about me. 

My dad is a man of mystery. He works for a company that sends him out of town often and when he is in town he is in his study or has a phone glued to his ear.  We have never really gotten to know each other.  He thinks he can just buy my love. It was like I got thrown into this other world with two hellcats for sisters  who enjoyed making my life hell and a father who couldn’t be bothered to spend time with. Where was that black book when I needed it? Where was mom when I needed her? 

Out of the twins Sam isn’t so bad at times. She tends to copy Tori a lot, but when Tori isn’t around Sam isn’t horrible, but Tori and Sam are almost never apart. I remember when I was about fourteen, I had been living with my family for about a year. Tori had to have tonsils out which put her out of commision for several days. I was sitting on the tan sectional watching TV, it was raining so there was nothing better to do than to be inside watching movies. Sam shocked me when she plopped down next to me and asked what I was up to. Is this a trick I remember thinking as Sam’s big brown eyes looked at me. “Just chilling” I simply replied, afraid she might lash out, but she didn’t to my surprise she asked to join me. As we spent the afternoon watching silly chick flicks and eating junk food I couldn’t help but think this is what it’s like to have a real sister. I felt wanted and almost nostalgic as if I was spending time with Alice. 

The next several days Sam hung out with me. We talked about boys, makeup, clothes, and all the things I imagined I would talk to an older sister about. Of course I never got too personal afraid she might use it against me, my anxiety was still there but slowly going away the more I felt accepted. I felt accepted and it was nice to feel wanted again. However my bliss of having an older sister didn’t last long because as soon as Tori was better Sam went back to her old self. It was as if the last few days never happened. This act of thinking my sister was coming around has tears staining my pillow. The disappointment still gets to me, that is why I was very careful not to peel too many layers of my feelings away cause I know this would cause my heart to once again ache for acceptance but in time this to would pass once again

Tori is the worst of the worst. She makes Cinderella's step sisters look sweet. Tori is mean to me constantly and she loves to mock my mom for being poor. The sisters mom is like our dad, she comes from a wealthy family and a sophisticated background. One summer while hanging out by the pool our dad brought over his latest fling. Our dad dates many women, some he brings home others we never seen but know are around. I was tanning along with the twins, a rare moment in time when I was allowed to be in their presence with no real consequences. 

The woman was tall, young, thin, and had long blonde hair. She was perfect I thought as our dad flaunted her to us. I felt intimidated by her because of how beautiful and perfect she was. The whole afternoon I felt uncomfortable. I never recalled mom bringing any men around me, only the one guy we had secret meetings with, and then my dad. I wished I could go back to being blissful about what adults did in their spare time. 

As my dad and the young woman left Tori made a comment. “Omg can you believe dad? I hope he doesn’t accidently knock that one up; we wouldn’t want another Emmy in our lives.” 

“I’m sorry I’m such a bother to you.” I replied wishing I could go back to being a ghost. 

“Well I’m just saying that Sam and I don’t need our father to knock up some bimbo again. You were a total accident unlike Sam and I who were planned. Just because Daddy and our mom are separated doesn’t mean he has to sleep with pretty gold diggers and sluts. I hope you don’t turn out to be a slut like your mom.” 

My mouth dropped in shock and anger. 

Sam laughed. “That would mean boys would have to like her, and let's face it sis she isn’t exactly a cheerleader. What nice guy would want to go out with such a loser.” 

“I know right, she’s just so pathetic.” Tori said as she stood up to gather her things. 

“I’m right here you know.” I crossed my arms against my chest as I huffed. 

“Whatever who cares.” Tori sneered as her and Sam walked back towards the house leaving me alone and feeling like I didn’t belong once again. 

I never used to feel like an outcast when I lived with my mom, but in this world the twins rule. They are popular and well loved at school and in the community. They enjoy making me feel unwelcomed. Last summer the twins had a giant pool party. Our dad had gone away on a trip which was common for him. Dad had no clue this party was being thrown. Everyone was there. During the first half of the party I stayed in my room scared to walk out and be mocked, but as I sat looking at the party from my bedroom window I thought about something mom would always tell me. “Be brave little bird and always fight for your dreams” I loved her little nickname for me.

With new found confidence I marched down to the party, but that was a mistake. The minute I stepped foot outside the back door and started walking to the pool I felt sick. Anxiety was building for the first fifteen minutes I was a ghost, even though no one had noticed me. I was at the twins party, that was a huge deal, I didn’t care if I wasn’t noticed, in fact part of me prefered, but it didn’t last long. Evan, one of the twins' friends, pointed me out to Tori. 

Tori gave me a slick smile, oh no I thought this isn’t going to end well. Evan, Sam, Tori and a few others marched towards me. Evan tossed me over his shoulder and headed to the pool. I screamed and begged him to put me down. I felt panic over taking me. One minute I was dry the next I was soaking wet. The group jumped in after me. I tried to swim away, but someone caught my leg and pulled me back. I yelled as they dunked me under the water. Water filled my lungs. I tried breathing but I couldn't catch my breath in between dunks, plus I was panicking. I thought about someone saving me. 

Suddenly I heard a muffled voice amongst the water and my screams. Strong arms came around me and pulled me to the surface. I cling to my savior for dear life gasping for air. “What is wrong with you guys.” I recognized the voice. It was Carter. Everything was in slow motion as he gently pulled me from the water. 

Carter helped me sit on a nearby chair. He kneeled in front of me as he struggled to breath. “You okay?” I nodded my head; it was all I could do. In that moment Carter was more than just a handsome face. I always liked him, he was kind to me, but in that moment he was my knight in shining armour. He saved me. It was like he heard my prayers almost as if there was some strange cosmic connection between us. It was the strangest feeling I had ever felt. After a few moments I ran to my room terrified of what I was feeling and traumatized by what just happened. 

I roll over thinking about Cater. That wasn’t the only time I felt some strange connection with him. Just a few months ago I was sitting in the kitchen watching the snow start to fall. Cater walked in, he was normally at our house. He was good friends with the twins, and our dads were best friends. He quietly sat next to me. 

“You look sad. What's up?” He asked, putting his hand on my arm. 

“ The holidays are coming. I miss my mom.” 

The holidays were hard without her. I missed our simple Christmas traditions like baking cookies, watching Christmas movies, decorating our tree, and putting up the decorations. It was some of my favorite memories of her. Here with my other family Christmas was all about gifts and nothing else, I hated it. 

Cater consoled me. He tried to cheer me up with some rock songs since we both like the same music. It was odd he always seemed to be around when I needed him. Ever since that day at the pool party when he came to rescue me. He was always nice to me and he was so good looking, but there was more than that between us but I still couldn’t figure it out. It’s more than a silly crush, something deep inside of me tells me it’s more. 

I roll onto my stomach hoping this new position would help me sleep. My mind is now on my upcoming birthday that is in a few days. My birthday used to be something I enjoyed when my mom was alive. Every birthday since I could remember she would make me my favorite meal, then we would eat in front of the TV, we would watch whatever movie I wanted, after that we had cake that she would make for me. While we ate cake we would play games and talk. It was simple but fun. 

The last birthday before my mom passed away I remember as if it was yesterday. That morning I woke up and she took me out shopping for some new clothes. She even let me skip school, something she never let me do. After we got home Alice came over to hang out while mom prepared our dinner. She was making us chicken parm with spaghetti and garlic bread. She was also baking me a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. I recall mom not feeling well, her rare sickness was slowly taking her, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her from spending time with me. 

  Alice stayed for dinner which was odd my birthday dinner and cake was always just mom and I but this year Alice was allowed to stay. We sat our butts right in front of the TV and watched a chick flick. We then ate my birthday cake with milk while we played Candy Land like when I was real little. Right before bed Alice left. As I was getting ready for bed my mom walked into my room. She looked sad. 

         “Nothing is wrong little bird. I’m just so proud of you. You’re growing up to be a fine young lady and that’s all a mother could want.” She then took my hands into hers  “Remember that even when I’m not here with you that I love you. Be strong and fight for what’s right. You’re stronger than you know and more powerful than you could imagine. I know none of this makes sense now but it will one day. Now it’s time for bed. How about I read you a bedtime story from our secret book just like when you were little?”

          I nodded my head confused by her words but I felt closer to her in that moment than I ever had before. It felt more than just a mother daughter bond almost as if something grander connected us. It was strange but then again it had been a strange day. It was a different birthday than normal and somehow more special than all the others. 

Now however my birthdays aren’t as special. My dad just buys me tons of gifts, if I see him it will only be for a few minutes before he has to leave to go do something, and the twins ignore me unless they feel the need to make fun of me. Although Alice lives far away from her and I still share a special connection she calls me on my birthday trying to be the first one.  We may live far from each other but it feels like she is right here. Our talks still make me feel like she could be my sister instead of my twin sisters. Instead of looking forward to my birthdays now I just dread them because it’s just another painful reminder that I’m alone and my mom is gone.

Even though I’m sad I look at all I have and I am grateful. I still have Alice. She's always there for me. I have a family even if they aren’t the greatest. Most importantly I have strength that comes from these hard experiences, they have given me a thicker skin to deal with the obstacles life puts in my way. Even when I feel weak I know I’ll survive because my mom raised a strong young lady. 

As I feel my mind slowly drift to sleep I think about how much has changed since my mom died. Most of it hasn’t been for the better. Thinking of change I start to process the change that I’ve been feeling deep within me. It’s almost like my core is changing, something is awakening within me. It feels strange and yet familiar as if I’ve always known it was there subconsciously. 

The change feels powerful, new, and on the brink of discovering something amazing. I first felt this change take place a few months back but I ignored it thinking that I was losing my mind and trying to find a way to escape my horrible lonely reality. However, as my birthday gets closer I feel this strange thing inside of me get stronger. My gut tells me something will happen, something that may change my world yet again.