To Remain On Top

Chapter Eight

My eyes close on their own as my head plays the exact words that I told Kahlo the other night.

I am not quite sure if it's really cringey or I'm just feeling bad for being mean towards the soft guy who does nothing but be nice and accommodating of me.

I breathe out all the criticizing thoughts that I have for myself and continue to read the novel that I have on my hand.

I already lost the count of times I repeated reading the first paragraph of this romance book. Clearly, I can read every words and lines but I can't seem to understand and imagine them because my mind is somewhere else, it's with someone whom I shouldn't be thinking of right now.

My eyes traveled from the open book on my hand to my side table where I left my phone.

All of a sudden, I have this urge to pick up my phone and call Kahlo. I want to know what he is up to at the moment. If he's busy with something else or as usual, his eyes are burried on his books and all those academic material.

I typed in his number. Just when I was about to call him. I realized that I have memorized his number, which is weird because he is the first person in this world whom I have memorized the number. I've been friends with Zoe and Solace since forever but I don't even know the first three numbers of their phone number.

"Poppy, what the heck is wrong with you?" I whispered to myself. I put away my phone. That is when I heard a soft chuckles coming from the door. I look up to it and saw Emillia standing near the door, as usual, she has a wineglass on her hand.

As much as I want to nag her about her newly-acquired hobby before sleeping. I can't since I saw how she is trying to cut off her wine intake, slowly but she is doing it and I appreciate her effort.

"I know that frustration in your eyes," she said. I look at her with a pair of questioning eyes. My mother play with the wine on her glasses before she drinks from the mouth of it. Her throat moves up and down as the wine crosses on it. Her eyes were close as she is savoring the fruity taste and sweetness of it.

"The only species on this world who can make us feel that kind of frustration are men. Tell me, who is that man?" she asked, sounding so sure, like she really knows what she is talking about and she is not guessing.

"Clyde Argus?" she guessed. I immediately shake my head. She is right about the reason as to per why I am as frustrated as a hungry wolf looking for someone to prey but the name she drop is wrong. Never in this lifetime I can see myself getting this rollercoaster feeling because of Clyde. I am sure of it and I don't even know why.

"No. It's not him. It's my Zoe and Solace They are asking me for a girls' day and I don't want to go." I didn't lie completely to my mother. Though I am not really frustrated because of them, not even close to being bothered that my bestfriends keep on bombing my phone with their messages but they did asked me to come with them this weekend.

Emillia purse her lips together and then shrugs her shoulder. She easily accepted that she made a wrong guess even though she is exactly right. Does it has to do with that proverbs, saying mother knows their children so well because they are her kids?

"Do you want to drink with me?" she offered, guess that is how Emillia asks for a quality time and bonding now that we can't do it through shopping.

"I'm good. I am actually craving for something else so if you don't mind. I'll go out," I said. I get off my bed. Grab my phone and wallet and then walk to my walk-in closet for a hoodie.

I have a lot of clothes and shoes. I'm still contemplating if I would sell them or not but I might end up doing it, some other time, if we ever run out of cash again.

Emillia is no longer in my room when I come out from my walk-in closet. If I remember it right, she was never a fan of fastfood unlike Heather and I who is born for a good cheeseburger and chicken nuggets.

Next to my room is my sister's. I knocked twice against her door before I twist the doorknob and open it.

I look down on my phone to check for the time when I saw Heather peacefully sleeping on her bed. It's passed eleven.

"Do she always sleep this early or she is extra tired today?" I whispered to myself before I silently close the door so I won't wake her up. After all, she'll rise early tomorrow because apparently that sister of mine is the one who is in charge of the kitchen now.

The chandeliers above the grandstaircase as well as the one hanging on the living room is turned off, the only source of light in this household are the dimlight on the corners of the ceilling.

Mcdonalds is fifteen minutes drive away from home. I have no choice but to use the car because I apparently can't wait for the next day to come. I want my 20 pieces nuggets, right now.

At this hour, parking is not the problem. When I arrived inside, the first thing that crosses my mind is Kahlo. Maybe because I am ordering a cheeseburger and it's a known fact for me that he loves burger.

I took my phone out of my pocket, walk to the side and waited for him to pick up his phone. His phone is ringing but he is not picking up. Usually, it would take two or three ring for him to answer.

The subscriber is cannot be reach. Please try your call again later. And then the beeping sound came.

Standing near the glass wall of the fast foodchain. I can clearly see the full moon, lighting up the dark sky together with thousands of stars. Eversince I was young, I have always been fascinated by the moon, it's phases. I think I was born to admire the beauty of it together with other heavenly bodies.

Eating my cheeseburger, nuggets and fries inside of the fastfood, alone will make me look like a total loner and I don't want that to happen.

I decided to finish these food inside of my car and drive home. I turned on the aircon as well as the radio to make my surrounding more lively as I shove these food inside of my mouth, forgetting about the word diet.

I lay here under the stars in awe of who You are

You've never been so real

I automatically stop my mouth from taking another bite on my cheeseburger when I heard that old song playing on the radio. I am not sure of the year that song came out but it's clear in my head that I'm still too young. I first heard it on Emillia's friends wedding, it's the song to the pair's first dance as married couple. Though I have forgotten about that song, until I heard it again tonight. I too, was reminded of the promise that I made to myself.

I have always known that Emillia didn't marry my father for love. It's for his money and their marriage, it's far from butterfly and love bugs. Witnessing a marriage finally bound by love made me promise to myself that I too, will marry for love and never for money but look at me now. Trying to win a man's heart, doing my best to tie myself to him all because he is rich and he has the money and connection that I need for myself, for my family.

I smirked and mocked myself. Indeed, the fruit doesn't fall far from its tree.

My eyes swells the sadness and blue that crept and crawls on my system. Cheeseburgers is the greatest comfortfood they say, but here I am eating one while I cry because I have finally make myself believe that I am never deserving of a genuine love like Emillia's friend.

I turned off the radio. My phone ring while I sips on my diet coke. I mindlessly answer the said call. I realize who the caller was when I finally heard his voice.

"You called. What for?" his voice sounds so soft and tender as he ask me those words.

I look at the cheeseburger on my hand.

"Pop, are you okay?"

"Do you want a cheeseburger? I am at Mcdonalds. I'll buy one for you too." I ended the phone call with that and then throw my phone back on the shotgun seat.

I don't know where he lives. I have no other means to find out where he lives or how far his place is from here, still I am sure that Kahlo will show up. I don't have a single idea where all of this confidence is coming from.

I left the car and waited on the parking lot too. After almost an hour. The familiar orange truck came. My mood instantly become brighter and livelier. I raise my hand and wave at Kahlo who is still inside of his truck.

While he's parking his ride, I patiently waits for him on the side of mine.

"What the hell took you so long? I almost gone home," I ranted at him.

Aside from the color, our hoodie looks exactly the same.

"But you didn't. You know I'm coming for you," he said and then offer me his hand, not pretty sure if he is really offering it to me or he is asking for something.

"My cheeseburger?" there, he finally said what he needs from me.

I opened my car and grab his cheeseburger. I throw it towards his direction. He has such fast and good reflex, he caught it effortlessly.

"So, what is it? Why did you call for me, princess?" he asked after his first bite. I look at him in the eyes.

Why did I ask for him? I don't know.

"Your eyes. Something is different with them," he commented. Later on, after staring at it for a couple more of seconds. He became alert, "You cried. Why did you cry? Tell me, Poppy. What happened? What is wrong?" he bombarded my ear with his question that I couldn't answer.

I softly remove his big and warm hand that is cupping my small face. I looked away from his eyes and maintain the distance between the two of us after I took two step back.

"You're sad," he whispered the words as if he's the first person in the entire world to notice the lingering sadness that has always been present in the corner of my eyes.

I popped the corner of my lips, "Something is wrong with your burger. You're weirder today," I teased him just so he'd drop this topic and conversation but then, "Am I?" he asked.

I met his brown orb and nodded my head.

"Yup, you're weirder today—" I was silence by him when he grab my pulse and softly pulls me to his warm embrace.

At first, I fight hard for him to let me go until I started to give up and give in to him. Ever since these things happened in my family, in my life, I have never been comforted like this.

No one came to comfort me because no one saw how hard is it for me too, how sad am I because of it.

It's Kahlo who noticed the pain and sadness that I tried to keep all to myself.

"I'm right here. You can cry that out tonight, I'm here."