How I Met your Other Mother

Chapter 1. Whoa. Rude

CHAPTER 1: (Whoa. Rude.)

"Re-" huff. "R-remind me again why I'm doing this?" Cameron Connie T. James said, or rather, breathlessly huffed out, as she tried her best to not fall on the ground.

"Because," her best friend and fellow jogger, Chelsea Briggs, said, "You need to lose some pounds, Twinkie."

Cameron Connie T. James, or Cee-cee, as she prefers to be called, groaned and tried to catch up with her best friend. She was struggling to breathe and seriously, why did she ever listen to her nut-job of a best friend?

"Come on, Cee. Don't slow down. The quicker the pace, the faster we get there!" Chelsea said, making a show of turning around and jogging backwards.

What a show off.

Cee-cee awkwardly tried to increase her pace but seriously, she couldn't breathe anymore. Her stomach was jiggling awkwardly and her boobs are just uncomfortable.

Jogging always seems like a nice idea. Until you do it and realize it's not.

"f**k Chels, I'm... I'm gonna die. f*****g slow down!"

Chelsea laughed at her best friend and slowed her pace until she was just walking. And still, Cee-cee still hadn't caught up with her.

"What the f-. Cee, come on! My grandma can run faster than you!"

Cee-cee scrunched her face up, frowning. She wiped the sweat from her eyes and glared at the woman that was supposed to be her 'best friend'.

"Screw you,  Briggs. Ugh, nevermind. You're a terrible lay," Cee-cee said, falling into step beside Chelsea.

Chelsea suddenly stopped jogging and had a bewildered expression on her face. "Excuhyuuuuuze meeee?!"

Cee stopped to catch her breath and laugh at the still frozen woman beside her.

"Okay, I am offended, Cee," Chelsea started, putting her hands on her hips. "My s****l prowess in pleasuring both man AND woman surpasses anyone currently jogging here on Central Park."

Cee raised an eyebrow. "Oh really now, Briggs? Remember Brandon? The weirdo who left you because you broke his p***s?"

A hint of rogue touched Chelsea's cheeks but she stood firm. "Okay, first off, it's not my fault that he couldn't keep up with this," and with both of her hands, Chelsea gestured towards her whole body. "And if I remember correctly, it was you who said 'Chels, fuck... this is the best night of my life ever.'" Chelsea imitated, perfectly mimicking her best friend's voice up to the little moan. It was so hauntingly accurate that even Cee cee was creeped out.

"Okay, that's creepy. Stop that," Cee laughed softly and walked over to her best friend, draping a sweaty arm over her shoulder. "And gosh, Chels, that was a decade ago! We were 18 and drunk. Of course I wouldn't know the difference because you were my first."

Chelsea frowned and playfully pushed Cee away. "You still don't know any difference. You never did it with anyone else." And with that, Chelsea stuck her tongue out at Cee-cee.

"That's because I've been busy!" Cee-cee argued, giving Chelsea a dirty look.

"Oh right," Chelsea rolled her eyes. "Miss hotshot photographer.  You just suck at flirting."

"I do not!"

"You do!"

"Do not!"

"Okay, let's stop this ridiculous banter," Chelsea interrupted. Feeling an urge to pee, she looked for the nearest port-a-potty. "Wait here, Cee the Almost Virgin. I'mma go pee."

And, without even waiting for Cee to agree, she ran off somewhere. Cee cee just rolled her eyes, sitting down on the nearest bench and resting her burning muscles. Seriously, everything on her body burns! Even her glutes are burning.

Why did she even agree to jog? Seriously, she could've just eaten healthier or something.

But she has a point. I'm closer to 30 than 25 and I still haven't had a decent girlfriend yet. Well, I dated Molly...

She cried when you kissed her.

Okay, okay. Well, then there was Jenny.

She ate everything on the menu on your first date and made you pay the bill.

Are you forgetting Ren? She was a nice girl.

She lives in Japan. She doesn't count.

Goddammit. Am I destined to be alone?

Probably.

Shut the f**k up. Who are you anyways?

I dunno. I'm just here.

What? Anyways... I don't wanna be alone! I want to grow old with someone I love. I want to kiss someone in the rain. And have someone to cuddle with on cold nights. Why can't I find just one girl? She doesn't need to be perfect. She just... she just needs to be herself.

You're fugly af, that's why.

Wha- How dare you-

And Cee-cee's musing came to an abrupt halt when something warm and furry grazed her calf and she almost leaped a few feet in the air because of surprise. She quickly inspected what the furry thing was and immediately was delighted when she saw the cutest corgi puppy in all her life staring at her and just asking to be picked up.

"Well helloooooo little guy... or girl," Cee cooed and picked the little pup up. Then she discreetly checked under the all the fur. "Yup. A guy. The cutest little guy I ever seen." She petted the dog all over and he seemed to love it even more.

"Let's see here..." Cee calmed the cute puppy down and read his collar. "Happy. Your name is Happy!" And the cute puppy barked excitedly as if saying 'Yes! Mah nam isz Happi'.

"Awww... where's your owner, Happy?" Cee nuzzled the cute ball of fur and looked around. None of the park goers seemed to be looking for their dog.

"Well, we have to look for your owner, Happy. No matter how much I just want to take you home." Cee laughed and petted Happy some more.

"There! That's him right there! And looks like someone got him! Help! A dognapper!"

Cee-cee's ear picked up the husky, slightly panicked voice, and turned around to see a ridiculously hot Asian-Mexican looking woman running towards her. Cee's eyes went a little lower to the gorgeous woman's bossom, and they're damn near hypnotic.

Whoa.

Cee shamelessly stared at the woman and admired her every curve. The sweat running down freely on the woman's body didn't even turn Cee off. In fact, it added to the unknown woman's appeal.

Cee was staring so hard at the woman that she didn't notice a policeman trailing behind the woman.

"You!" Finally, the woman reached Cee-cee. Now, Cee can appreciate her more. The woman had the darkest, most soulful eyes Cee have ever seen. And then her lips. Man, those lips. Perfectly juicy and just begging to be kissed. And the way those fiery eyes stared at her, they just-

Wait, fiery?

And that when Cee really saw that the woman is fuming and is looking at no other than her.

"Give me my baby back, you scoundrel!"

Cee was taken back by the sexiest voice that almost made her swoon. But she raised her hands in mock surrender. "Easy there, Miss. I don't have your baby. But if you want me to be your baby momma, I won't really be against the idea."

The woman's perfect eyebrow scrunched up and she had a confused look on her face. "What? I'm talking about my dog. Give him back."

"Your dog?" Cee dumbly asked, still shamelessly staring at the perfection in front of her.

"Excuse me ma'am. But Miss Natasha said that you took her dog. If you really did so, I have no choice but to take you with me to the station," said the policeman that Cee now sees.

So her name is Natasha.

"Wait, what?" Cee asked again, confused as ever. "You mean Happy?" She pointed at the napping fur ball on her lap. "This little guy came over while I was sitting down. I didn't take him."

"Yeah, sure you didn't," Natasha said sarcastically, taking Happy from Cee.

Wow feisty. Maybe she should change her luxurious, curly dark locks into fiery red hair. It would've suited her more.

"Now, don't blame me for your negligence, Miss," Cee said, not really meaning it but rather, wanting to engage in a banter with the extremely captivating woman. "I'm sure you were REALLY keeping an eye on your pet," Cee replied full of sarcasm too.

"Why you..." Natasha was taken back. No one had really irked her as much as this woman probably had. And her smug, plump face makes Nat want to squish it until it popped. "I ought to-"

Suddenly, Happy jumped out of her arms and into Cee-cee again. Happy comfortably settled on Cee's lap and started to nap once more.

Natasha had a horrified expression on her face and Cee almost laughed because it looked absolutely adorable on Natasha.

"Happy!" Natasha screeched. "Why?"

Being the adorable puppy that he is, Happy indeed turned but it was to make Cee pet him.

"No offense Miss, but I think your dog likes me," Cee joked.

"Well, seeing that the lady didn't really take your dog, I'll be on my way Miss Natasha. Good day!" And with that the cop turned around to face another boring day.

"B-but wait!" Natasha started to say but the cop had already walked away. So she turned towards Cee-cee instead who was busy staring at her. "Okay, woman. Give me my dog back."

Cee laughed and petted Happy. When he was a lot more calm, she cradled him in her arms and gave him to Natasha.

"You should really keep an eye on him," Cee started. "I wonder why he ran away..." Cee hinted lowly, waiting for an outburst from the other woman.

"What are you insinuating? That I am not a good pet owner?" Now, the beautiful woman's ear-tips were red. Probably with anger.

"Whoops! There it is!" Cee pushed even more, really enjoying pissing the woman off.

"Arrrrgh!" Natasha growled  in irritated before turning around and walking out, ignoring Cee cee.

"Wait Miss! You haven't given me your number yet!" Cee shouted over but was only replied with the middle finger.

"Oooohhh..." Cee laughed and shook her head, checking out Natasha's glorious behind.

"You would not believe who I ran into, Cee!"

And finally, Chelsea emerges from somewhere, panting and looking like she had just finished a marathon.

"f**k Cee, you remember cuckoo Kiko? My crazy ex? He's here! And he's f*****g following me! What the actual f**k should I- wait, why are you smiling like an i***t?" Chelsea then cupped Cee cee's face for further inspection.

"Wait, I know this look. You met someone!" And then Chelsea squealed, temporarily forgetting about her crazy ex. "Where is she?" She excitedly asked.

Cee dreamily looked up at the sky.

"I met an angel today, Chels." Then she sighed, totally like a loser.

"Oh my gosh! Spill it, Cee!" Chelsea bounced excitedly and sat down close to Cee cee.

"Well she's freaking hot! Like, close to Jauregui hot. I think she's part Asian and part Mexican. Damn is she hot."

"You really like her," Chelsea laughed. "Come on, what else?

"Well, she has a sexy, husky kind of voice. It's rich and really attractive." Cee laughed and continued. "And boy was she rude!"

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Cee put her professional camera around her neck and adjusted the strap. She smiled contentedly when she saw her reflection on the mirror.

Today is a good day.

Today indeed is a good day, she thought. She had just been invited to be the photographer of a very well-know culinary magazine. They were featuring a supposedly famous pastry chef that recently just opened her sixth pastry shop in Los Angeles. If she pull this off, this would be the biggest project of her life.

Growing up in a small Californian farm, little Cee had big dreams -dreams that were bigger than their farm, their town, and herself. She dreamed of being a famous photographer. Being the only daughter and with no sons to tend to the farm, her father was disappointed with her choice but soon supported her after seeing his little girl's talent with the lens.

When she turned 16, Cee-cee went to the Big Apple to pursue her dreams. She went to various workshops, met many people, and that same year, got recognized as one of the most promising young photographers in the US. And now, at 28 years old, she is considered as one of the best in the world.

Thick, long fingers ran themselves over dark brown hair and then fixed it into a messy bun. And by messy bun, it was really a messy bun. Cee was never gifted with the ability to tie her hair properly or neatly. She then fixed her loose long-sleeved shirt for the last time before heading out.

Cee had achieved most of her life goals. Get a house. Buy a car. Pay off all of her loans. Provide herself with all the pizza she could eat for a lifetime. But relationship goals?

Zero. Zip. Nada.

She longed to find someone and settle down comfortably. She longed to have a family of her own.

But Jesus, she lives in very materialistic world full of shallow people. Women nowadays only look at three things: the face, the body and the pocket.

Cee had just gotten into her car when her phone vibrated from her pocket. Cursing her tight jeans, she struggled and wiggled her chubby frame to retrieve the contraption. When she looked at the screen of her Samsung phone, a small smile graced her face. And by the way, yes she owns a Samsung phone because f**k Apple.

"Hello, b***h! How ya'll doing this fine day?" she greeted jovially.

"Hey there, hoe! Excited for your first day?" she heard Chelsea greet her.

"You make it sound like I'm going to the first day of school."

Chelsea laughed. "Well, considering your size and mental maturity, that would be more appropriate."

"Ugh. f**k you, Chels." Cee rolled her eyes.

"Nope. I'm a terrible lay, remember?"

At that, Cee-cee  laughed. "That, you are, Chels. That, you are. I have to go though. I'll be late."

"Well, at least tell me you love me," Chelsea said dramatically.

"You over-dramatic hoe. Okay, Love you Chels."

"Love you too biatch. Good luck."

And then Cee ended the call, shaking her head amusingly. That was all Cee needed for her day to become even better.

After about a 15-minute drive, she pulled up into the company's parking lot. The magazine is owned by one of biggest business conglomerates in the world: the Williams Inc. with their current CEO Cassidy Harrison-Williams who, in Cee's opinion, is one of the most ridiculously hot women in the planet after seeing one of her photos in Time Magazine. She still hopes of the day where she can photograph the beautiful woman.

She showed her ID to security before heading to the floor where most studios were located. She found the room 189 and entered it. Inside the brightly lit room was a home kitchen set-up, complete with all kitchen appliances. It even smells like a kitchen.

"Hello everyone!" she greeted everyone cheerfully with a bright smile. She put her equipment on the first table that she saw and headed over to where most of the people were gathered.

"Good morning," she started. "May I know where our model is?"

Her mother always said that her smile is contagious, and ever since, she tried to smile more. Naturally, everyone's faces reflected her bright and cheery demeanor.

"Good morning Miss James! Hi, I'm one of the lighting coordinators, Dinah," a pretty blonde held her hand out and Cee shook it eagerly. "It seems like Ms. De la Cruz is running late. Please help yourself with the coffee and some homemade croissants our interns made over the pastry corner."

"Oh, well call me Cee-cee. I'm not comfortable being called by my last name," Cee said, chuckling softly. She looked at everyone who seemed to be in a good mood. "Hello everyone. I really am excited to work with you guys."

After a few more introductions and pleasantries, Cee-cee headed over to get some coffee and taste the croissants that Jerry, one of the more shy interns, made. She greeted everyone that she passed and finally reached the coffee pot near the table of some pastries from the famous pastry shop Sweet Almonds. She knows Sweet Almond. Chelsea had always gushed about how delicious everything is from that shop. Cee-cee had never gone to the shop though, not trusting herself around delicious foods.

"Hmmmm... Sweet Almonds," Cee cee muttered before picking up a small, bite-sized tart of some sort. She decided to try it, curious if Chelsea was really telling the truth or was just being mean to her.

Her eyes almost rolled to the back of her head when she ate the tart. After a few seconds of euphoria, she stared at the tray of tarts with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"What the f**k? Did Gordon Ramsay make this s**t?" she muttered lowly again, not really wanting anyone to hear her curse. She was tempted to take another tart, but she controlled herself. She is better than-

A tart or two wouldn't hurt.

And before she knew it, she had stuffed three tarts inside her mouth. Now her cheeks bulged like that of a squirrel.

"Hi! You must be the photographer. I'm-"

Taken by surprise, Cee cee quickly turned around, her cheeks still ballooned up and full of tart. And she almost passed out when she saw the person in front of her.

"You!"

"Mmmphgho!"

They both said in shock --well, Cee tried to say --as they looked at each other with wide eyes; horrified.

Because in front of Cameron Connie T. James is Natasha .

Natasha Candelaria De la Cruz.

The rude person.

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