The thought of Ihlathi brings emotions of rage and regret. While locked inside this chamber, I tend to think of him more than I would prefer. 'I'm sad and lonely.' My thoughts reason that I seek to remember a point in my life when I feel a sense of security. 'Those days are gone.' I shake my head. I do not know if I still can call Ihlathi my umfowethu.
While emotions surge, I find myself in a state of confusion. Without having a pleasant solution, I begin to feel desperate. No, I do not want to marry Pautina. Yet, as the time passes, I find myself in her arms more often than I should.
"Ya tebya lyublyu," Pautina says while holding me.
"But do you?" I reply with a sad smile.
"Of course!" She caresses my hair. "Though I don't understand why you're so stubborn."
I lean my head on her c
