Broken Against Hope - Hidden Luna

Playing House

I am pulled from my reverie by the sound of the back door slamming. I freeze, my heart pounding. I've been out for too long. The excuse I had used to go outside was to pick herbs from our garden for dinner. I look at the sun and realize it must have been past 5:30. He likes to eat dinner right at 6:00.

I swallow the lump in my throat, hurriedly grabbing the basket of herbs on the ground at my side and sneaking out of the shed door. I manage to get to the garden and pretend to look for other herbs just as Russ comes around the corner of the shed.

I pretend to not notice him until he's right behind me. "Oh, hey honey," I turn to smile at him. He looks over me, obviously annoyed.

"You've been out here for a while," he squints at me, his voice suspicious. I let out a quiet laugh.

"Oh, I saw a bunny and I kept trying to catch up to it. It was adorable! I really wish you had seen it." I give him what I hope is an adoring smile.

I see him relax and he chuckles."Well, if there's one thing I know you love, it's wildlife." He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles his face into my neck. I fight a shudder. He makes my skin crawl. I lean into him. I'm just glad my hands are full so I can't hug him back.

He pulls back and moves a stray piece of hair away from my face, moving his hand back to my waist. His breath smells like whiskey. I stay calm and nonchalant on the outside but I'm screaming on the inside.

Please not tonight. I can't tolerate anymore. He's taken me every night for the past two weeks and I haven't enjoyed a minute. He's never thrown me down and just taken me but it's come uncomfortably close. I mostly say yes so he won't get upset.

The happier he is, the more he leaves me alone. The more he leaves me alone, the more I have peace.

I look at his handsome face. Deep blue eyes, a cleft chin and a tight jawline. It's hard to believe that a face like this conceals the mind of a monster.

His dark hair recently started thinning and he's struggling with insecurity that has made him more irritated as of late. His recent weight gain doesn't help his attitude either.

I pull back and link my arm through his, trying to keep my stomach from eating itself from fear. "Are you ready for dinner?" I make my voice as cheerful as possible. He wordlessly smiles down at me and we begin walking back to the house when all I want to do is run into the surrounding forest.

Running into the forest would be foolish. Other animals and rogues would be after me and most likely run me down before I can even try to defend myself.

Running would only make him angrier and I can only imagine what he would do to me once I was dragged back. There had been a day where he was extremely angry for some reason and had thrown a chair at the wall, just missing my head.

He then proceeded to roar at me that should I ever run, he would lock me away and use me however he wanted. "Who would care? You have NO ONE," he mocked.

It was terrifying. I thought he was going to kill me. I actually wouldn't mind death but he's a sadistic son of a b***h and I know he'd make it as painful as possible.

I knew he was right. I knew that I had no one to fight for me. I knew I was alone. That day was seared into my mind and I had lived in total fear and hopelessness since then.

He holds the door for me and I relievedly remove my arm from his before walking through.

I walk straight to the kitchen and carefully place the herbs into a bowl of water and stir. As I clean them, my mind wanders and I allow myself to imagine what a life free of pain would be like.

I mechanically start chopping and finish assembling the salad. I manage to pull everything out of the oven and into marked serving dishes in record time.

I feel him behind me and I glance at the door. He's standing there, scowl on his face. "You're late," he barks. I panic and look at the clock on the oven. 6:03.

Shit

"I'm so sorry hon, it'll be out in one minute." I force a smile.

"Now," he growls. I nod my head and pick up the food and follow him out of the kitchen door. I make several more quick trips into the kitchen and bring everything else out.

I silently fill his goblet with chilled wine and sit by him in my usual seat, ready to serve him at any moment. I watch as he fills his plate, nervously fidgeting with my fingers under the table.

I hope he likes it. I made it to his specifications and if he likes it, I'll be safe. I've set the table the way he likes. Green and gold tablecloth with gold rimmed plates and gold plated cutlery. I'm crossing my fingers that it's acceptable. I don't want to go through what happens when he doesn't like the way everything looks.

I wait with bated breath as he brings the fork to his lips and places the food in his mouth. He slowly nods and continues to eat.

I'm inwardly relieved as his approval means my safety. I follow his lead and place food on my plate. I try to eat normally, fighting to keep my hands from shaking. I force myself to swallow but it's difficult to get the food past the lump in my throat. The only sound in the room is the quiet scraping of plates.

I keep an eye on his goblet and refill it anytime it gets below half full. I eat slowly, knowing I wouldn't get more than is on that plate tonight. He doesn't like me to eat a lot. "I don't want a fat wife," he would say as he stuffed his face.

As soon as I am done, I quietly place my utensils on my plate, waiting for him to finish so I can clean up. I look up at Russ, realizing just how far we are, the giant void of silence between us screaming at me.