The Monster Within Me

Chapter 13

Quinn

I felt bad for the way I had left Maya earlier, but I didn't really have anything else to say to her. I thought I was being obvious with how I felt for her, but I had been distant with her before she had almost been kidnapped. In hindsight, although I had been extremely busy, I should have done more to make sure she knew that she wasn't just a simple plaything to me. Trying to convince her she actually meant something to me outside of this vampire-werewolf war was going to be harder now.

Being out at the nearest werewolf bar probably wasn't helping either, but I decided that a night out with the guys was exactly what I needed. I was out with Franky, Gareth, Marco and some of the other enforcers who had the night off of duty and we were just enjoying ourselves. Most of the mated wolves or wolves who were in more serious relationships were just drinking, but a lot of the single guys were out on the dance floor dancing with some of the girls who were hanging around our group.

A high metabolism made it harder for us to get drunk, but enough hard liquor and you could get anybody shitfaced. I was a little hazed after having been in a contest with Jackson, one of the enforcers, to see who could take the most shots, I won with 28, and slamming back beers with Franky just for the hell of it. I was currently on my second glass of rum and coke and enjoying the feeling. Normally, I'm more careful, especially since I'm out here to work but my conversation with Maya and her obvious confusion on how she felt about me was getting to my head.

"Hey, I've never seen you around here before, I'd remember a face like yours," came the sultry voice of a small woman who had been eyeing me all night. She had dark hair and blue eyes and was dressed in next to nothing, "How about instead of standing here, you come dance with me?" She said with as much seduction as she could manage, she was drunk too but I decided that there could be no harm in dancing with her. I slammed back the rest of my drink and let her pull me to the dancefloor.

I have enough rhythm to be considered a good dancer, but I was drunk so I was letting her do most of the work. She was grinding herself on me, running her hands everywhere, and even though she was less coordinated because of the alcohol, I was still having a pretty good time with her.

After the third song, she pulled me over to the other side of the bar where her friends waited and ordered us some more drinks.

"You're a good dancer," she said sliding my drink over to me and taking a sip of her own, "I wonder what else you're good at." She said, eyes full of desire.

I stepped forward and wrapped my hand around her waist and pulling her to me before lowering myself to her ear, "Would you really like to find out or are you just being polite?" I asked and pulled back to see her face when she answered. I knew it was wrong to play with her, I wasn't actually interested in anything other than a good time at the bar with a pretty lady. I wasn't going home with her and she wasn't back with me, but I couldn't help myself. Old habits die hard.

She gave me a winning smile and slammed back her drink before grabbing me to pull me back to the dancefloor. I downed my own drink and was on following her to the dancefloor when a familiar scent filtered through the crowded bar.

Maya was here.

My head snapped towards the side of the bar that Franky was holding for our group, but I couldn't see her. Gabby and Mel were already cuddled up with Gareth and Marco but Maya was nowhere to be seen. As I followed, my dance partner I scanned the crowd and finally caught sight of her. She was talking to some other wolf who had his hands wrapped around her waist and his head down to hear her.

"Hey, you okay sexy?" Asked the girl whose name I still didn't know. She was dancing facing me with her hands wrapped around my neck in an attempt to redirect my focus.

"Yea of course." I said with a smile before unwrapping her hands from around my neck and turning her away from me so she couldn't see just how distracted I was. As I looked back up to where Maya had been standing I found that she was still standing there with the wolf, but her attention was now locked on the small woman grinding herself against me. Anger flashed in her eyes before I saw her flash that amazing smile of hers at the wolf and pull him to the other side of the bar, as far away from me as she could get.

I watched as she threw back shot after shot apparently trying to get tipsy in as short a time as possible. I was still watching when they stopped talking and the wolf bent to give her a kiss on the cheek before escorting her to the dancefloor. I had begun to feel irritated after watching them together, but I was not about to stand here and watch them dance together.

"Excuse me, sorry." I said to the girl I had been dancing with, offering her no explanation as I pushed her off me and made my way back to where the guys and now girls were still hanging out.

"Hey Quinn, nice of you to finally leave your dance partner and join us again." Marco said with a laugh and a pat on the back. I wasn't in the mood and everyone could tell because of the scowl on my face.

"Why is Maya dancing with that wolf?" I asked with barely concealed hostility.

"She can dance with whoever she likes, it's not like you were so available when we got here anyway." Gabby said in a clearly annoyed tone. She glanced over her shoulder in the direction that Maya had taken to the dancefloor, "It looks like she's having a good time anyway." She said with a smug smile and crossing her arms over her chest.

I turned to see what she meant and immediately saw red. Maya was basically having dry s*x with the guy as he had her pressed up against the wall. I don't even remember walking over to her, but one second she was across the room and the next I was directly in front of her and she was looking at me with a shocked expression.

What the hell do you think you're doing?" She yelled.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. When I opened them, she wasn't in front of me anymore, but instead was helping the other wolf to a booth so that he could sit down. I didn't even hit him that hard, he was milking it. I followed them over and grabbed Maya as gently as I could manage and turned her towards me.

"I need to speak with you, right now." I said moving to direct us towards the doors, but she shrugged herself out of my reach.

"Leave me alone Quinn, go find your little friend and leave us be." She said turning her attention back to the other wolf and effectively dismissing me.

"Maya, you need to come outside with me right now." I said through clenched teeth. I could feel my wolf was on the brink of coming out and I knew my eyes had gone dark.

"Dude, she said to leave us alone, alright? Don't make your rejection anymore awkward than it has to be." The faker said finally lifting his head to look at me. Whatever he saw caused him to look away pretty quickly though.

"Quinn pleas-," She said while turning around. The words died on her lips when she looked me in my eyes. Something like fear flashed in her eyes before she nodded her head, "Okay fine, let's go." She said while walking towards the back door.

When we finally reached outside she turned towards me, crossing her hands across her chest. When the door had shut behind us we stood staring at each other for what felt like forever. I was still struggling to calm down from what I had seen and it looked like she was trying to calm down too. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Did you call me out here to talk to me or just to stare daggers at me?" She asked, her voice filled with venom.

I took another deep breath before answering, "Maya, what the hell were you doing in there?" I asked in a voice that was deathly calm.

I saw a shiver run through her before she answered, "You have the audacity to ask me that after I saw you in there with that girl? Get lost Quinn." She said, throwing her hands in the air and moving to walk past me to open the door. I grabbed her and held her to my chest to stop her from going anywhere.

"You think I enjoyed any part other than the alcohol tonight? Do you even know why I'm here Maya? Hmm?" I asked my anger building as I continued to speak. "I am here because I was trying to, just for a night, enjoy myself without thinking of you." I said and her head snapped up to look at me at the revelation.

"W-what are you talking about?" She asked, her anger giving way to her uncertainty.

"Since I've been here, I've become cool with a lot of the enforcers, and they've asked me to go out on multiple occasions. I never went because I didn't want to go out while still pining over someone I didn't have. You. Tonight, after they hassled me for almost an hour, I agreed. You and I had argued and I had beat myself up over leaving you the way I did so I was hammering back drink after drink to help soothe the guilt I was feeling." I said with a sigh. I had her full attention now so I let her go.

"Quinn, I can't give you the commitment that you're looking for. I don't want to become –," She started but I cut her off.

"Attached yea I get it Maya, you're saving yourself for your mate. I was too, and I know hundreds of wolves who are doing the same thing. Sometimes they never meet them, do you know that? You could be denying yourself a happy life because of a possibility that you might meet a wolf that was made especially for you." I sighed, running my hands through my hair as all the anger I had dissipated.

"I came here to get away from my hurt that you wouldn't give me a chance. I danced with that girl, yes, but I didn't even bother asking for her name because I wasn't interested in anything from her," I said, my voice hardening and my fists clenched as I continued, "Then I scented you in there. I was looking for you and saw you with that guy and I was gonna let it go, but then I saw you guys kissing and the way he was touching you," I took a breath to steady myself.

"Quinn, I was only doing that because I thought you were going to leave with that girl. I was angry and jealous because she was being more forward with you than I had ever managed to be with you." She said keeping her head down.

"Maya look, I've already explained to you how I feel about everything, so I will apologize for how I behaved, but not my motives behind the behavior. I don't think it will be a good idea to talk to each other outside of your training and progress until you can decide for yourself what you want." I said with an even tone.

"Quinn wait, that's not fair. You know how I feel about a serious relationship right now. I told you that I liked you and you know I have feelings for you, but I can't explore those right now. Don't do this, please." She said stepping forward to lay her hand on my arm, her eyes pleading.

"I can't Maya. I've already laid everything out for you. The choice is yours to make and I'll respect whichever decision you make, but I won't just be someone who scratches an itch for you when you need it. I want more than that for myself and you should too." I said, leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead before leaving the bar altogether.