What About My Forever?

Chapter 10 Blinding light

Louise's POV

I get frustrated, taking out my anger on something that had nothing to do with creating it. I do this by kicking a rock that is on the ground in front of me, just to torpedo that little object across the open and empty streets in front of me before I can hear it clinking against a metal sign. This frustrated response to my pain, causes my body to stumble around as I quickly try to gain control over my body once again, but that is easier said than done with this slippery mud under my feet and probably way too much alcohol in my system.

I reached out, grabbing the big pole beside me, and pulling myself up with it. I feel a type of success in that moment as I decide to continue heading home, but as I take a step forward, I feel my feet slip out from under me as I fall into the mud on the street without hesitation, taking my emotions and pushing them over the brink. I huff out slapping the water underneath me feeling the tears continuing to fall from my eyes, not looking like they will be stopping anytime soon.

I slowly stand up before I decide to give up on my drunken trek across town, so I lean against a pole for support. My eyes drift up as I stare up at the cloudy sky with the rain hitting my face, making it almost hard to see above me. I feel every inch of me hurting, just aching for something to relieve the pain within me, but that is something hard to do, let alone expect to happen.

"Why can't there be something or someone out there to help me feel complete? Why is there not more to life for me? But the happiness, purpose and companionship are out there for everyone else. Am I missing something? Or possibly doing something wrong when I have only been dedicating myself to everything in my life.. I just don't get it.. I just want a purpose, love and satisfaction in my life.. Is that too much to ask?" I spat this out with frustration laced through every single word, since that is what happened to be fueling these words and feelings that are spilling from my lips like word vomit.

I keep staring up at the deep dark clouds moving across the sky, as if I half expected someone to give me a response in return for the true reason of my misery, even though that is not possible and I know it. The world would be too easy if that was the case. I let out a deep breath as my eyes are glued to the dark sky above. I instantly noticed that the dark gray clouds had really started lighting up with lightning behind them, causing them to illuminate so much that they are lighting up the streets around.

They are going off as if they are singing a song with one another, erupting one after the other. Their song is only topped off by the deep pounding beat of the incredibly loud thunder, making the song absolutely terrifying but beautiful all the same. I watch the lightning shoot across the clouds next, showing me the jagged lines they create without any instructions. What an artist nature seems to be, doing what comes naturally.

No matter how beautiful, this storm is starting to give me a terrifying feeling that gets my heart jump-started, but my legs aren't doing any such thing because my feet are firmly planted on the ground, even as I shake in place. I can feel the thunder's loud roar reverberating through my wooden-made heels, showing how much closer the storm is than I would have ever liked. The storm was getting worse and at a very alarming rate, letting me know that I needed to leave and move somewhere else for safety.

So as I pushed myself to turn on my heels and leave, I instantly saw a strike of lightning split a tree across the street with just one hit, grabbing all of my undivided attention with that one shocking show. I jumped and screamed out with no one around to hear it. Backing away, I am clenching my necklace in hand as I am gaining some distance from the small fire that was made in that strike. That is until I feel that same wooden pole that I was holding onto before, right behind me.

So I stand in place, not wanting to move even though I know that I probably should. I look up seeing a light above me that illuminates the sky completely, making my eyes blinded for a moment with the flash of the lightning, so I can't seem to see anything at the moment. Not seeing is a very scary feeling. I start to panic as I try to move, but before I can, I have a feeling shooting through me that is tingling every inch of me with a vibration I have never felt before.

I feel like I can't move at all, as if my body has been taken over by these vibrations. I feel stuck in place, as I get some of my sight back, so I look up just to see that some parts of the pole are shattering, as shards of wood fly all over from a lightning strike that has hit the pole I'm holding onto. The fear is consuming as I continue to try to leave, but I can't.

Before I know it, in only a seconds time, I feel an enormous surge of electricity running through my body as it automatically stiffens and holds onto the pole with a grip I never knew I had in me. I shake and convulsed still holding onto the pole, even though every inch of me is trying to let it go. That is until my stiff body starts to fall back. I anticipated the collision of my body to the ground just knowing I can't brace myself, but my brain seems to shut off before I even find the ground.

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My body felt heavy as if it was weighing me down and holding me back with every step I took while I was trekking across town and through the intense weather.. Maybe it was the alcohol having that effect on me.. Or maybe it was my depressed mind having that effect with the help of the alcohol.. who really knows?

But what I do know is that somehow I even felt heavier when holding onto that pole, maybe because that was the lowest I have felt in a very long time. The depressing thoughts were crushing me in more ways than I thought. But then somehow, with that electrifying surge that shot through me, in the span of just mere seconds, the weight is gone. All gone.. I imagine this is what it must feel like to be weightless.

I open up my eyes just to see a bright white surrounding me. I look around as I squint and instinctively covering over the top of my eyes to try to ease the pressure that the brightness of this light is putting on my orbs. I try to let my eyes adjust to this new place, but that is easier said than done when I have never seen such light. I slowly stand up before my eyes pan around the open area. There is literally nothing around me, which is quite scary.. Especially since I have no clue how I have come here.

I instinctively wipe my dress off to make sure it's not ruined by that fall, maybe still covered in mud, water and possibly dirt.. but that's when it clicks that I'm not outside or even wet anymore. I spin around looking at the bottom and back of my dress and it looks like new. So what does that mean? Am I dead? What is this place? Heaven? Purgatory? This unknown place is even more mysterious than I could have ever come up with on my own.

I want to be scared because of not knowing what this means, but for some weird reason, I feel calm and collected, not just in this moment, but deep inside of me as well. My brain is telling me that this is the time to panic and yet my body feels as if I have been relaxing the entire day with my mother. With not a care in the world or much of any thoughts in my head. It's a strange feeling to have within me. I haven't felt like this in so long that I am pretty sure that the last time I did I was a child.

I let out a deep breath as I continue to slowly turn around, taking in what details I can of my surrounding area, but there is nothing to really take in. I am so confused. I keep looking around me until there is a sound directly behind me. I quickly flip around just to see a woman who has an ear-to-ear grin on her stunning face, that seems to be splitting her face in two by how beautifully happy she looks at this moment.

This expression is showing every last bit of excitement in her eyes. This makes a smile want to grow on my face without a second thought, but I don't know who she is, let alone knowing that I don't feel the same excitement she does. So, of course, I am suspicious of her and this place. I make sure to keep my eyes on her as she gets closer. She doesn't stop in front of me as most would, she actually runs to my side and interlocks our arms.

This makes me feel like we have been best friends for all of our lives, but I have to keep reminding myself that I don't know her. I pulled my arm out from hers as she giggles then playfully slaps the side of my arm as if I have made some sort of jest. I am confused by this reaction, but it doesn't seem to affect her one bit. Without saying anything she does the same as before by interlocking our arms again as she practically skips with every step she takes, dragging me right beside her.

"Oh I am so excited for this.. I was waiting for you Louise!" She declares as I stomp my feet into the ground, stopping us in our movements. "How do you know my name? And who are you?" I ask her as she waves off my comment. "That will all be explained to you, amazing little natural one.. Don't you fret.. Just come with me.. Don't you worry though.. No harm will come to you with us." I shake my head as she pulls me with her, not missing a beat in her movements.

"Us?" I ask as she nods vigorously. "Yes Ma'am." she says as she continues to pull me through the blindingly blank place. I glance over at her as she leads the way. This woman is beautiful and looks about my age as she smiles over at me with so much in her eyes, which is silently telling me she wants to tell me everything she can, but maybe she is not allowed or doesn't have the time to do it, since we obviously have somewhere to be. I'm not sure though.

Her grip on my arm tightens, but doesn't hurt. It actually reminds me of when Mary and I used to walk around with one another making jokes and creating a type of happiness that would completely take over our actions, making the day and everything around us bright. Even my sister and I as children had moments that could compare to this. I can't seem to take my eyes from her, the familiarity with her is comforting and the happiness that radiates from her makes me feel at ease, as if I am at home here in this strange place.

This woman looks and sounds so kind that I can't help the warmth that is building within me for her, as if we are old friends that got to see each other again after a very long time. It's almost heartwarming. Her smile grows the further she leads me from where I was lying. I look back, seeing nothing where I was lying down, and I looked forward and seeing the same, I don't have any idea how you would navigate in a place such as this, and yet she is anyway, or at least that's what I am hoping by trusting this person to guide me around.

She leads me away as I join her pace until panic starts to set in as this reality clicks into my head. I don't know who this woman is or where she is leading me. The confusion takes over as I try to stop, but she just keeps pulling at my arm. "Will you at least tell me who you are, and where you're taking me? I feel like I am being kidnapped, even though I would imagine that kidnappers wouldn't be as nice and comforting as you, or maybe they are and this is how they get you." I say, letting the fear now take over as she laughs at my confusion, giving me a look that says I know who she is when I clearly don't.

"Oh Louise, you make me laugh, your jests have no bounds, do they! Don't you fret, my dear. It will all be explained.. Just please keep following me." She says sweetly like a siren calling me to the deep with her pleasant tone and friendly gestures. I think she can see the question in my eyes as she gives my arm that is still locked within hers a pull. There is no objecting to her, I guess, no matter how much I think I should.