What About My Forever?

Chapter 14 The Note

Louise's POV

Anna turns to me on her heels as she states with excitement, "I guess this means we need to take care of the note thing, and then we will move to figuring out where to put you and then where to live before starting the training, since you will need some place to be for the time being. Oh maybe we can have a girl's night! I have always wanted to do one of those. They have looked like so much fun!" she states as I nod with her comment, letting her know that I am game if she is, she seems really nice.

"Okay how do I fly out of here and to my home?" I asked as I closed my eyes concentrating but not feeling like anything is happening. I open one eye to see Anna smiling at me as she says, "This will come in time, but as for now let me help you. I will take you there, it will be easier for you to try on your own with a destination that is closer and doesn't take as much power.. So come on." She takes my hand and I don't know why but I just squeeze my eyes shut as I feel a strong pull on my arm, and then body.

I can't seem to hear anything even though I am feeling as if I am being drug through something. Not sure what, I have never felt anything like it, but when I finally get the confidence to open my eyes, we are landing on the ground. I plop down, not knowing we were that close, let alone had any time to try to prepare for, or even try to land properly. But I guarantee that I will have more chances to get used to the landing.

We stand here for a little while in silence, that if for my sake. My mind has been running nonstop wondering what I should be putting into the note that will say just enough so they will be alright with me not being around anymore. That is something hard to come up with when I never expected this to happen in the first place. "How can I do this?" I state out loud while pacing around in the forest behind my house, not being seen by anyone but Anna who has her eyes locked on me as she watches me go back and forth.

"I am not sure. I have never heard of anyone asking to leave a note of sorts. So this is not just something new to you but to me as well, so I am not exactly sure how I could help you with this." she states as I feel my eyebrows furrowing. "So what everyone just accepts that they are dead and moves on to this without hesitation or a second thought to their pasts?" I ask with disbelief and astonishment in my tone as she shakes her head.

"No they always ask to say goodbye but when they are told that there is nothing that they can do with their past when it comes to addressing their families they just leave it at that. They don't argue with it, just accept it. No one has asked anything like this." Anna explains while sitting back on a boulder and observing my movements as she stares at her nails, fixing them casually with every move that I make.

"I don't know how I could possibly word a note to not make it sound like I just died a couple of hours ago.. Has anyone even found my body at this point.. Or even told my family?" I ask as she shrugs her shoulders, "I have no idea honestly, but this is the best time to do this note.. Unless.. It's not a note to your family." she says before hopping to her feet. "What do you mean? That is why we are here." I reply in a confused tone that shows just as much."What if you write how you truly feel about your family in a diary of sorts.. Or journal.. Did you have anything like that?" she asks as I nod.

"Yes.. Go on." She hops around on her feet as her wings flutter with every thought running through her head. The way her wings move with her is quite adorable. I love it and wonder if mine will do the same eventually. " I think you could make sure that your family knew how you felt about them and what you wanted them to have or maybe deserved and mask it as your thoughts to yourself, and they just see it for themselves perhaps when going through your things." She declares as I nod with her.

"That is a great idea.. It's not saying goodbye, but I think it is the closest and best option for me right now.. Anna, you're so smart." I state as she smiles big and nodding. "Oh yeah, I already know that." She responds without hesitation, making me smile even bigger. "Alright, just sphere over there and get your diary and bring it back so you can write in it." she declares as I shake my head, "sphere? What is that?"

Her palm taps the middle of her forehead as she states, "Of course you don't know this.. I feel silly.. Okay, here is the new plan. I will sphere us both in, and you have to go fast at getting it before we are seen." She says as I nod knowing that my mother is definitely in there and that my sister will probably be home or getting home soon enough. "Alright lady, lets do this and fast." I state as she grabs hold of me and all I can see is light surrounding me, and before I know it I am being plopped onto my bed in my room.

"Okay go," she whispers to me as I nod and slowly getting up before slipping across the room and to my closet. I let out a deep breath before slowly drifting the door open. "Oh my Lord Lou you scared the bejeezus out of me. I thought you were out cuttin' the rug with your sister.. Don't tell me she mouthed off again," my mother states from behind me as I freeze in place. I slowly turn around on my heels before my eyes meet my mother's.

My eyes water as I think about that this will be the last time I will see her beautiful face and hear her motherly tone. That is until I notice Anna in my peripherials I see her shaking her head and that's when I noticed that my mother is not looking at her at all. Can she not see her? "I am sorry ma.. I forgot something.. But am headed back. The girls and I were actually having an amazing time.. and I just need to make sure that they are not waiting long on me." I declare non chalantly as she nods and says, "That's alright I need to get back to my bed anyways.. Oh and don't worry about me I will be fine without ya."

This comment was stated playfully as I smile and say sadly, "I know you will ma. I love you." These words get her attention as I watched her eyes bounce all over my features until she nods and reaches up to pat my cheek. "You're a blessing and I hope you have an amazing rest of your night my love." I nod and lean in before feeling her lips touch my cheek gently as I feel a tear falling from my eyes, but I quickly wipe it away before it is noticed.

"I hope you do too ma. Your the best, just remember that." I say as she nods and waves off my comment, not thinking twice about it as she rolls away, leaving me feeling emptier than when I arrived here. I know this is the only way I can get my feelings out to her and my sister, but this is quickly becoming the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. "Why didn't she see you?" I ask in a light whisper while reaching into my closet and prying out the loose side paneling to grab my diary from under it and in a little hole it is covering.

"That's going to be in the training. Now let's get out of here before you get us both in trouble." She whispers right back as I nod, then leaning out of the closet before the light is surrounding me again. I appear right back at the boulder within the trees as I take out the pen that is attached to my diary. I turn halfway through and to the blank page before letting out a deep breath. The words just spill from my mind and into the ink on the pages.

'My sister, a stubborn being, has all the smarts in the world. She is special and deserves the absolute best in this world. I just hope she can finally find it to get the peace of mind that she has needed for so long.' I stare down at the paper as I think about my next words. 'My friends have always been my life savers. Without them, their humor and confidence in me, I don't think there would have been any way I would have made it through my long work weeks or even the day. They have been a god-given gift that has made me smile every day since meeting them all. They make life worth living when they are at my side.'

I such in a sharp breath when thinking about who is next. I can't make it sound like I am saying goodbye.. I can't. I repeat this in my head as I nod then start. 'But the best person in my life has and always will be my mother. She is the one with the strength and confidence in me that I never had. She always wished for me to find someone great to take care of me, but when she figured out I could do it for myself, her confidence in me never wavered or tried to push me away from what I wanted. She still believed in me, no matter how much she wanted something different for me. That is something I know I will carry with me for the rest of my life, knowing that her love for me trumped all of her other thoughts that I am sure were screaming at her to get me away from that working life. I know without a second thought that without her I was no one, and now I feel complete in my life and what I have accomplished. I know that there is so much more left in my life to experience and see. I just hope that for the rest of her life she never regrets anything I have done and knows that she was the light in all of my darkest moments. I hope she always knows that whether I am there to tell her or not.'

I huff out pushing the tears that have left my eyes out of the way before looking over at Anna before I nod, silently letting her know that I am done. "Are you sure you're good?" she asks as I nod again before sniffling. I watched as she walks over to me and placing her hand on my shoulder. The light surrounds us again until I am back in my room. Quickly I put the open diary on my desk, leaving the pen inside of it. I take a look around before letting out my deep breath, saying a silent goodbye to everything I have ever known.

When looking at Anna, I can only make out the concern in her eyes as mine continue to drip the tears that won't even look like they are stopping any time soon. I just swallow the lump in my throat before nodding at her again. She sadly nods with me before putting her hand back to my shoulder and taking us out of there. Once our feet land on the ground outside of my house and back in the cover of the trees, I just collapse to the ground.

My hands cover my face as I cry, letting the pain of losing my family consume me, hoping it will go away or numb sometime soon. With every tear that leaves my eyes, the weight doesn't seem to go with it as I had hoped it would. This hurts so much more than I had ever expected. I feel like when the soldiers came to my house with my dad and brother's flags to tell us they were gone forever, taken away from us and this world. But this time, I feel as if the flag has been in my hands again, and making me feel worse for bringing this pain to my mom.

I just have to remember that this could have been worse for her and I wouldn't have been able to say what I did in those notes. I could have just died and not became a cupid to see or even talked to her again. This hurts so much though, and it will be something that will hurt for a very long time, if not forever. I look at a concerned Anna before asking through my pained cries, "Does the pain ever get any easier?"

She lets out a deep breath before squatting down on the ground next to me. "I wish I could have an answer for you, my friend. I am sure that it is different for everyone with how they cope with loss of family." She says to me as I blubber out through my sniffles, "How long did it take you to not be a mess?" She huffs out when plopping on the ground next to me, caressing her hand over my back which is helping.. a little.

"Honestly, anytime I am feeling bad I just think about all the good I have brought in this world and that helps.. But if I need a distraction, I just go bring more people together.. But as for pain of losing family.. I never had them. I was an orphan and was killed by the poverty that had taken over my life. I have never experienced the type of pain that you are, and I am sorry you have to go through this.. I would try to help out if I could... I just don't know how."

I feel bad even talking about that now, but I can't help the pain exploding within my heart and she knows that as well. I can feel her nails caressing my back as she coos me, "Everything will turn out great for your family. They become better for this. It will be hard on everyone, but it is worth it in the long run." I nod but that doesn't ease the pain that is tearing through my body. I wish I would make time stop, so this pain would disappear, but nothing like that is possible.

"Can I go to my funeral?" I ask as she shakes her head. " I don't think that would be allowed. I would hate for you to get in trouble." she says as I think about that too, but I know where they will be having my funeral and I know where I could hide to make sure I wouldn't be seen either. I will think about that and decide later what I plan to do. "Alright I will think about it." I declare, causing her to have a weary look in her eyes as she nods.