Playing With Destiny

Chapter Thirty-one

[Keliche Shizamme Sandoval's Point of View]

You say it’s beyond us, what is beyond us?

Let’s see and decide

He has a really great voice and his voice’s making me weak. I felt sleepy all of a sudden, his like singing me a lullaby, so soft and tender.

We’ve been meteoric, even before this

Burn half as always, twice as bright

So if it’s beyond us, then it’s beyond us

Let’s see and decide

“Are you already asleep?” He asked, I sighed.

“Not yet.” –just continue singing, I want to add but I just stayed silent after. I heard him laughing, geez, this boy!

And I will still be here, stargazing

I’ll still look up, look up

Look up for love

And I will still be here, stargazing

I’ll still look up, look up

Look up for love

“I want to sleep already.” I told him which is very unusual since I’m still up until 3 am. I’m slowly changing and I want this change in me, it’s not harder than I thought.

I heard him laugh again, “Fine, just promise me that you’ll make me see that beautiful smile of yours in the future, ey?” He said, I groaned.

“Fine, just let me sleep in peace.” I told him, he laughed once more before saying his goodnight message which made my heart skip within a heartbeat. f**k this guy, I don’t know what’s this feeling!

“Sleep well, my dear Ice. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, we’ll go to work together. See you tomorrow, don’t miss me much, okay? Just sleep and everything will be alright. And don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’m like a cat who has nine lives, bullets are just a piece of cake for me, take care of yourself. Goodnight.” He said before ending the call, I sighed while looking at the ceiling of Ms. Leticia’s house. There’s the very unusual feeling again. Heart, why are you like that? Don’t tell me that you’re already falling for that walking dimple?

“Ugh, why am I talking with myself like an i***t?” I asked myself, I’m still thinking when someone knocked on the door, so I shouted, “Come in!”

And with that, Ms. Leticia came in and I looked at her while she’s entering the room with a guitar in her right hand. It’s a very old guitar, I think? Since it has some ancient design.

“Can’t sleep?” She asked, I slowly nodded. Is she going to sing for me?

“You have a guitar, so you can play?” I asked her, she smiled before nodding and strumming the guitar. She strummed the guitar like a pro, maybe she’s part of a band not so long time ago.

“I can play the guitar but I’m not performing in front of a big audience.” She answered before she started strumming again, it’s not a familiar tune for me so I looked at her with confusion.

It’s been a very long time since I first met you

So many things and memories made

But just one thing

I haven’t told you how much I love you

My heart started to beat faster when I heard the song she’s singing. I knew from the way she sings, it’s her own composition.

I’ve regretted all the things

I haven’t told you how much you mean to me

There are times when I felt weak

You’re the wind beneath my wings

Sorry, if I’m not that much

If I’m not f*****g enough

She ended the song with a smile before looking and handing the guitar to me.

“Can I tell you a story?” She asked me so I slightly nodded while holding her guitar. She inhaled a very deep breath before stating her story.

“I’m a single mother, as you can see, I only have Joey with me. His father left us a year after he was born, his father left us to be with another family…” She stopped because her tears are starting to fall from her eyes.

“Just continue, I’ll listen.” I told her while patting her shoulder, I don’t really know how to comfort someone but she somewhat smiled at me so maybe I’m doing great this time.

“He told me that Joey’s just a mistake, I mean, for him but for me, Joey’s the most wonderful thing happened to me. For me, Joey’s created with love, with my love. One thing about Joey’s father is that he never told me he loves me so I assumed that it’s true, that he doesn’t really love me. When he’s away, I’m here busy taking care of our son, my son. I had that guitar you’re holding for a very long time, that guitar has always been my escape from my messed up life. I didn’t know but I started composing songs, a lot of songs but I’m too shy to share my songs to the world because… just because I can’t open my mouth in front of a very big crowd...” She said while sobbing, I started rubbing her back.

“I never told that man that I love him, maybe it’s my fault too. I never let him feel that he’s loved. I’m happy with just me and Joey not until I found out that, that I have… I have a cancer, breast cancer, I don’t know where did I get that but, I’m slowly dying, I didn’t take any medications because for me, Joey’s future matters the most.” She cried even more, when I heard what she just said, my tears started flowing from my eyes.

“W-what s-stage?” I asked her, she smiled weakly.

“Four.” She answered, my shoulder fell.

Her love for her son’s above all.

“Does Joey know all about this? Does he know that you’re dying?” I asked her, she stayed silent so I assumed that she didn’t even said the truth to his own son.

“Why? Why are you letting yourself suffer when you can still live your life the fullest? You can still do medications; I can help you. Just please, don’t give up.” I told her, she held my hand.

“Do you know why I took you as Joey’s tutor?” She asked while looking intently in my eyes, the tears, it didn’t stop from flowing.

“It’s because you need to know the truth, I need you to do me a favor. You, you’re the eldest daughter of the Sandovals right? You need to know that --.” She stopped when my phone started ringing so I immediately took it, it’s a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?” I answered, I heard rustling winds. Maybe the caller’s in a windy environment ey?

“When will you go home?” A little voice asked.

It’s Zhanelle’s voice, I knew it. Her soft and mellow voice gives me shivers down my spine.

“W-why are y-you calling me at t-this hour?” I uttered, it’s already past 11 in the evening and she’s still awake. Does she want to kill herself?

“I j-just, this is the only available where I can talk to you. They are all asleep now and I just want to know when will you come home, I r-really miss you, Ta -- Shiz.” She answered, my heart melted.

“I will not go home.” I answered, she fell silent and seconds later, I heard small sobs.

Is she crying?

“O-okay, I j-just t-tried.” She said before ending the call.

I took off the cellphone from my ear and I stared at the screen, she really ended the call, just like that. Does she really miss me?

“Is that your younger sister?” Ms. Leticia asked me, I nodded while looking at her.

“You can always talk to her, you’ll regret it one day if you’re going to miss a chance.” She said before standing up, she’s about to leave when I told her about the guitar.

“You can have it because I don’t need it anymore.” She said before leaving me inside the room, still dumfounded and shocked about what just happened. My guilt’s killing me.

I looked at the guitar, it’s been a long time since I played a song. Most of the times I played a guitar, I’m happy but why am I not feeling something now?

I took it and placed it on my thigh, I took a very deep breath before I started strumming a melody, f**k, I can’t think of any chords anymore.

“I had that guitar you’re holding for a very long time, that guitar has always been my escape from my messed up life. I didn’t know but I started composing songs, a lot of songs but I’m too shy to share my songs to the world because… just because I can’t open my mouth in front of a very big crowd...”

I heard Ms. Leticia’s voice inside of my head, can music be my escape too? I don’t know. I don’t want to create or make a decision that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Why does my life would have to be this hard? I’m not a bad person but why am I experiencing this kind of life? So unfair.

[Stargazing by Kygo from azlyrics.com]