Alphess: An Angel of Death

Training

It had certainly been a long few weeks. My pack’s sole focus was on getting these girls into fighting shape, from their nutrition to their actual ability to defend themselves. Almost all of them had no formal fight training, and quite a few had no formal wolf training either. It broke my heart to know that they didn’t have anyone teach them to shift properly or control their wolf. No one that taught them about who and what they are. Slaves from the day they were born.

Those that had had some background to work with, or those that caught on quickly, we were able to find new packs for in short order. Despite being an outlaw and somewhat of an elusive entity, I still had alliances across the world. When my pack cleans up a mess, it usually puts us in good favor with the new regime of that area. Besides, running a pack doesn’t come cheap. Even living off of the land, currency is still needed sometimes. And in the wolf world, there were quite a few things you could do to earn money. Our government operated differently and completely separately from the governments of the world – the Wolf Council governed over every pack in the world, creating and enforcing laws. They were democratic offices elected by the wolves around the globe to represent their respective area. One for Europe, one for Russia, for the rest of Asia, for north and south Africa, for Australia and New Zealand, for northern and southern South America, for the United States, for Canada, and one for Greenland and Iceland. The Artic Circle was occupied by werewolves too, but they operated separately. Artic wolves were elusive and more wild than modern werewolves, with extraordinary powers and a strange culture. They were hunted to near extinction many moons ago by modern wolves jealous of their close kinship with the Moon Goddess, and therefore are rare and fiercely protective of their territory and their kind.

As for the rest of us, we answer to our elected officials. When elected, the Council members renounce claim to their home packs and become sworn into the pack made up entirely of Council members. Its meant to make sure no favoritism is shown, no loyalties are tested, that sort of thing. In addition to the 11 regional Council members, the Council also has a military general, a public relations officer, a trade and commerce officer and a lead physician. Anyone from any pack could run for these offices, with elections held every 10 years (which may seem like a long time, but to wolves with natural lifespans of close to 300 years….not so much). We didn’t have any laws on how long you could hold office for, as most of the Council members had held their position for decades. No one really was interested in running for Council anymore; our world had been vastly at peace with this regime, and the only two things the Council really cared about was protecting our secret from humans and protecting our kind from other supernaturals. The last thing to pique their interest beyond that was…well, me during my more murderous days. For the most part, pack squabbles were just that. Squabbles too insignificant for the Council to step in and do much about. Even pack turf wars that got bloody and messy were usually left for us to take care of ourselves.

Within this secret world, we had our own system of earning money. I’m not an economic expert by any means, but I understand the basics. You could work in the human sector, and a lot of wolves did. Jobs that way were easy to come by. In the wolf world, there were only so many things you could feasibly do. Alphas and their council of Highborns receive stipends from the Wolf Council itself to help run their pack. Most Alphas also have other jobs, most often some long-standing familial business. There was an International Army that warriors could be drafted into, pack medical teams, wolf teachers and professors of wolf-run schools, ministers and clergy. And of course, wolves often made a living doing odd jobs. Like me; I am called on to end pack turf wars and in rare instances, to train a pack Army. I had only done that a few times, aside from with my own, but I liked it much better than engaging in silly pack fights. Teaching the younger generation how to use their wolf abilities was a surprisingly rewarding way to spend my time, which was why I personally trained the girls we had recently rescued.

Right now, we still had seven girls out of the original dozen. I usually led the tactical and defense lessons and left my pack to help with shifting practice. But today I had decided to sit in on that to get a better idea of who needed to work on what. The sound of seven untrained wolves trying to shift was excruciating, and I felt terrible for them. You could hear their bones popping and their cries of agony as they attempted to hold themselves together. Shifting for the first time was the hardest, but it honestly didn’t get easier for a long while. Usually, though, you had that phase over by the time you were fourteen, maybe sixteen if you phased later than normal. You would spend entire afternoons shifting and shifting and shifting until it was smooth and second nature. But these girls had been forced to live their lives human; some had even had their wolves suppressed to the point that they had had trouble calling them forth again. It was sickening.

“Alright, everyone stop for a minute. Take a break, get water, stretch, then come back. I’ll have some tips for you.”

I watched them gratefully collapse onto the soft dirt of the forest floor and drink from their water bottles. Some leaned against each other and some stretched their sore muscles and joints. I gave them ten or so minutes before calling for their attention again.

“After watching you all this afternoon, I can tell you are still having issues thinking too much and trying to control every moment. Just let it happen – relax into it. The more you fight it, the harder it will be, and the more painful. Everyone, stand up straight and close your eyes.” I closed my eyes first to lead them through this exercise. “Now, take a deep, slow breath in. Hold.” I waited a few seconds. “Slowly. Slowly release. Let all of the tension in your body drain away from you. Imagine it rolling off of your body like water, pooling at your feet, and then evaporating. Deep breath in. Hold. Deep breath out.” I led them through the breathing for a few more cycles. “Imagine your favorite place or what you think of when you think of paradise. Shape that image in your head. In this place, no pain exists. No stress, no worries, nothing but happiness and light. This is your Utopia. Go to this place in your mind every time you phase. Nothing can touch you here. Let the world around you pass you by when you are here. And then, when you are done and it is time, you can emerge.”

This tip was something I learned along the way. It allowed wolves not so familiar with their wolves to sort of step out of the room, metaphorically speaking. By mentally retreating to a safe space and relaxing, it meant that their wolf could have the space to take over. Training new wolves to go through shifting more readily and more easily always reminded me of my own training and my own first shift. I got lost for a brief moment as I recalled the events of my former years.

I was just eight when I first attempted to shift. My wolf had emerged two years prior, which was early for a wolf, even of Highborn status. Maybe that should have been the first warning sign toward my proclivity to the more beastly side of our nature. I remember having watched a class of older pups try out their first shifts – a small group of eleven to thirteen-year-olds standing out in the training field with General Graves and my own father, Alpha Anderson Cromwell.

“Alright, young pups,” Graves’ voice boomed across the pitch. “The first thing I want you to do is let out a growl – give me your best one. As intimidating, loud and menacing as you can muster.” Letting your wolf make a noise through your human mouth is the easiest way to connect the two bodies in one. It’s a brief moment in which your beast is in control of something your human usually controls. Finding that wolf-mind-body connection is crucial in letting yourself shift. Without it, there will always be a barrier to letting your wolf out.

The group all started to snarl and snap, sounding nearly as adorably pitiful as Simba’s first roar attempts in The Lion King. But, for young pups, it would serve the purpose well. I looked up at my dad from my post next to his feet and barked. He looked down and smiled at me, patting my head.

“Good try, little one. Again?”

I grinned and nodded. I was surprised he was egging me on. When he found out my wolf had emerged so early, he was not very eager to let me train her yet. He wanted me to engage in play, to get to know her. He didn’t think I would be ready for another couple years. I let out a growl. It was louder than I expected, and it made all eyes turn to me.

“Alpha, did you see…?” Graves asked my father.

He nodded, looking proud. “I did. Her wolf showed her eyes.”

I looked between them with barely-contained excitement. My wolf had shown her eyes?! That was an even better wolf-mind-body connection than just a good growl! It meant she was right there with me, ready to face whatever we needed to face. It also meant I truly was ready to shift.

“Go,” my father whispered to me, gently nudging me to go out with the others. I scampered out onto the field to join their ranks.

General Graves returned to his teachings. “I want you all to focus hard, now. Imagine yourselves becoming one with your wolf, then let the wolf take over.”

I was shivering with excitement, eyes wide and nervous as I watched the group try to call forth their wolves. Some closed their eyes and stomped their feet, some snorted and wriggled around, some fell to all-fours. I made eye contact with my dad and he nodded his encouragement for me to go ahead and try. I drew in a deep breath and I closed my eyes.

{Are you there?} I asked my wolf.

{I’m here.} came the reply, nearly immediately. {I’m ready.}

I could feel her itching at the seams. She was searching for control already. My breathing quickened, and I imagined what it would be like if my wolf and I were looking at one another. I imagined staring deep into her amber-colored eyes and her meeting my brown-eyed gaze. Then, we nodded at each other and I stepped forward right into her. I imagined that at that moment, we dissolved into mist and we became one entity. I felt her eagerly begin to take control. A tingling sensation started in my toes and fingertips, beginning to turn to a mild burn as it coursed up my arms and legs. By the time it reached my trunk, it felt like a full-on rolling fire. Four big fireballs rolling up my appendages and converging on themselves over my chest. I cried out, falling to the ground. I tried opening my eyes, but my vision was blurred from the pain. I think I was crying, but I couldn’t feel anything except the fire. And as suddenly as the fire came, it was out. But the next pain was worse – every single bone in my body started to crack, elongate or shorten, force itself into a new place. My skin and sinew stretched and molded with the bone. It was excruciating, and I wanted it to stop. I wanted to force my wolf back inside and never let her out again if this is what it cost. But it was too late – she was already fully in control. I was at the mercy of this process until it was over. It felt like I was trapped in this hellscape for hours - my spine popping and contorting, my skin bursting with fur all over the place, my face being stretched to form a snout. I collapsed into the dirt when it was all over, my body shaking with adrenaline and exhaustion. But I had done it – my very first shift. Where an eight-year-old girl had stood just moments before now lay a silvery white wolf pup. She had mostly white fur, but her undercoat and skin was black in color, giving her a mixed sort of look. Her legs, across her back, some of her tail looked more gray or silver. Her ears were rimmed in black like someone had perfectly outlined them. The bridge of her nose was black, connecting to an all-black nose. With deep-set, brightly shining yellow eyes, she looked relatively menacing and mysterious.

The joy I felt in that moment was tremendous. I had never imagined I could do that on my very first try! When I lifted my head to look around, I saw that only a couple of the other kids had managed to shift too. The others were burning jealous daggers at the rest of us. But I didn’t care – I was too happy. I went running up to my father, who had shifted into his own wolf form (a pure black wolf). The two wolves were ecstatic to meet one another, touching noses. I let out a little yipping bark and my tail waved with excitement.

{Come, my child.} My dad’s voice entered my mind using our pack-link. {Lets take a run together.}

I bounced around, unable to contain myself. I let out another yipping bark and took off after him as we began to race toward the forest’s edge.  

I blink away the memory, saddened for a moment to remember my late father. I had always wished that perhaps one day, we would reconcile when the truth about the tragedy came out. But he had died before I had that chance. I was just glad to have fond memories like that of him – it made the sting of the loss a little less bitter. I meet the gazes of the girls in front of me and give them a reassuring smile. They all began again, this time with a bit less hesitation. They weren’t perfect, but they were getting there. I pushed for them to try another half dozen times before letting them take the rest of the evening off.

“As your homework, take time to get to know your wolf. Engage with her, talk to her, listen to her. Building that bond will only strengthen your ability to shift and also to fight and defend yourselves. You did good work today, go get plenty of rest.” I watch them hobble back towards the pack house, ready to collapse from the hard day’s work.