Crimson Noon

Chapter Three

“Would you take a walk with me?”

James looked up from the book that he was reading for Horatio. Kenneth stepped forward from Vera’s side, hand out for the book.

“Of course.” James handed the book over and offered Vera his arm. “Is everything alright?” He asked her.

“Yes. Let’s go to the gardens. The plants don’t have ears.”

Once they were outside she began. “I find myself concerned with your father, and subsequently, you. Because surely you must know why he wanted us wed before the coronation.”

“Yes, I know the laws. My father is an ambitious man, but his ambitions are not my ambitions. He doesn’t look to usurp your throne, Vera. He’s not a traitor like we’ve been dealing with. But being ruled by a woman does make him nervous. It’s never been done before. And he was searching for an assurance more so than actual power.

“He fears what he does not know, which is quite ironic considering his chosen occupation and the empire that he built. Despite that irony, he always has a secondary plan for things and sometimes even a third. Not because he doesn’t trust or believe in the first plan but because things can quickly go awry.”

He took a deep breath. “And even though I understand all of these things about him, I am aware that it is not our place to try to create a safety net for your rule. Your father did everything possible to insure your ability to lead our people. There are those that do not have that faith, or simply choose not to have it. I am not one of them. My father knows I see it differently than he does, but he also knows that there is nothing he can do about it. Which is why I was adamant with you about waiting until after your coronation. This is yours, not ours. And there is no confusion on that matter from me, nor will there be.”

He stopped, turning towards her and looking deep into her eyes. “You are to be my queen and my wife. It is my job is to support you, to help you - not to try and control you. It is also my job to keep my father in check if he attempts to overstep boundaries because regardless of his reasoning, it is still overstepping.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you alright, Vera? Really,” he insisted when she started to shrug off his concern. “A lot has happened in a short amount of time. You are going to be my wife. You can be honest with me.”

She nodded, knowing there was much truth to his words. “I’m as alright as I can be. My father is dead, there’s plots to steal my crown, a possible war on the horizon, and I had to behead one of my dearest friend’s father. Yet I am not an emotional mess or being wildly irrational.”

“I’m asking for deeper.” He stepped closer, allowing his body to brush against hers. “I can see what everyone else sees - which is what you just described. I want more.”

“So you want me to tell you that I miss him? That even though he died in my arms a part of me keeps waiting to see him sitting in one of his chairs? That this whole thing with the Zanzans has me nervous? Or is it that I’m callous enough that beheading Aly’s father hasn’t bothered me nearly as much as the thought of her knowing I did?” Her words were heated, but low.

“I’ve never lost a parent so I won’t pretend that I can fathom what it’s like. But I am here for you through it. The Zanzans have all of us nervous. But I have confidence that you can handle it. And you beheaded a man that was trying to kill you without getting his own hands dirty, and your father died as a result. It’s not callous that it didn’t bother you. And the compassion that you feel for his daughter and what she’s going through because of it is admirable.”

She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Do you have an answer for everything?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I have answers for you.”

“What if I don’t want answers?”

“Then I’m capable of just listening as well.”

She shook her head. “I am not being vicious when I say this, nor am I trying to create distance between us because that is the last thing that I want, but truthfully I don’t want to discuss any of this. Not with anyone. I am having to get through it and discussing it and dwelling on it isn’t going to help me do that.”

“I don’t mean to push. I’m just concerned.”

“I understand that, James, but I need you to respect that I don’t want to talk about it.”

He took a deep breath and slowly released it, stepping back and giving her space. “Okay.”

“Will you just be with me through it?” She asked, sincerely meaning it.

“I can do that. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.” She closed the distance that he’d put between them, attempting to bridge the gap her words had caused. She wasn’t naive enough to think that her words hadn’t bothered him. He was genuinely making an effort, and she had shut him down. So now she would make an effort to still give him some of the closeness that he was seeking.

She rested her head against his shoulder and his arms encircled her. Everything in her was saying that he was wrong. Wrong smell, wrong feel, wrong warmth - just wrong. But she knew that was because she was in love with Macon, not him. But she couldn’t let him know that. So she allowed him to hold her, offered physical closeness in place of the emotional depth that he was seeking. She could tell herself it was because she hadn’t been able to fully trust him since the red door district incident, but it was only a half truth, and she had no desire to lie to herself.