VJ

18 - Why don't I feel it?

VJ

I stand with my hands pressed against the wall, my head hanging down as hot water pounds down on my back. I watch blankly, the blood as it rushes down the drain. I roll my neck and take pleasure in the cracking sound that escapes. My knuckles are a bit fucke.d up. Grazed and will need tending to.

Usually, beating the hell out of scum – and that’s all the moron from tonight was scum, scum who rapes women as is his fetish – sorts my head out for a while. That shi.t bothers the crap out of me. I don’t care much for what others do. However, taking something from a woman that she didn’t want to give was drummed into me from birth was very wrong.

So, when Jett sent me around to scumbag’s place to deal with him, knowing full well what I’d do, knowing I needed to let off some steam, I jumped on my bike and rushed over there. I found the dirty cunt watching some sick fucke.d up kiddie porn.

Paul was with me, a Prospect just starting out. I had never met him until the day I came home, but he was sent with me to see how the big boys roll. He vomited his fuckin.g guts up by the time I was done with the rapist — absolute fuckin.g amateur!

Jett better not send the cunt with me again, I’ll put the fucke.r out of his misery faster than he can blink. Fuc.k the consequences!

I made the stupid little cunt clean his puke up before we left. The i***t’s eyes almost bulged out of his head when I told him the cops could collect his DNA and arrest his ass for murder.

I didn’t kill the rapist right away. I beat the shi.t out of him, yes. Then, I tied him to a chair and tortured him. Mildly, I might add. I cut off each one of his fingers one by one, then I castrated him. I gouged out his eyes, stamped on them, and gutted him like a fish! Okay, so he died from that.

But hearing him beg and plead for his life was like music to my ears. They always beg, believe me. A man will act tough until he realizes the torture will never end. The things I do to those bastards will have them begging for death before the end.

I made Paul help me get his body in the truck before setting the rapist’s house on fire. So, Paul didn’t technically need to clean up his own puke, but it’ll teach the fucke.r not to do it again. If you don’t have a stomach of steel, you shouldn’t be anywhere near me when I’m on the job.

Stupid Prospect helped me dispose of the body, and I gave him a good slap for fuckin.g up where the puke was concerned and sent him home. Then I took the truck back to the clubhouse, ready to be cleaned of all evidence.

I came home after calling Jett to let him know the job was done. I jumped in the shower, and here I am. But fuc.k if I don’t feel any kind of satisfaction.

Why don’t I fuckin.g feel it?

I usually feel it.

I slam my fists down on the tiles and growl. Fuc.k this shi.t.

I shower quickly, jump out, dry myself off, brush my teeth, and pull on clean jeans, a t-shirt, cut, and boots. I need to get out of here for a while. I can’t be stuck in this house; I need to ride my motorcycle until my head clears. I’m starting to feel like I’m losing it.

I feel like I need... It doesn’t matter right now what I feel. I just know that if I want to keep my freedom, I need to keep my nose clean. That means forcing myself to find other ways to satisfy the Beast within.

I’m breathing hard and fast by the time I pull up outside the community center. It’s after ten at night, but I know Chloe’s still inside. Max said something about her getting ready for some award thing the kids she teaches have in a few days.

I don’t give a shi.t about any of that. I need her right now. I’ve never needed anyone in my life before, but fuc.k, I need Chloe, and that’s pissing me off more than anything.

I storm through the door. Chloe is humming to herself and hasn’t heard me. She probably can’t hear when she’s got limited hearing, but it won’t stop me. I watch her perfect ass swaying from side to side as she dances a little to the rhythm of her own humming.

She’s such a beautiful woman. I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as Chloe, and she’s all mine for the taking. I want to protect this woman from the horrors of the world, and I have no clue as to why.

Chloe needs an operation in order to have those implant things to help her hear better. She can’t afford it. I’m not a rich man, but I have enough money to last me a good few years. I probably make more money in one day doing what I do than Chloe makes in a month. If I did work for Vidal, I’d make thousands.

Chloe is a proud woman. I know she won’t ask anyone for anything, but she’s mine now, and that’s why I’ve been doing a little research the past couple of days as to what I’d need to do to help Chloe get what she needs.

Chloe won’t thank me for it; this much, I do know. That’s why I can’t say anything to her about it just yet. I don’t want to push myself on her. I won’t force anything on her, but she’s important to me. That’s why I’ll go over to Vidal’s office once I'm done here. I should have seen him before now, but I work on VJ time, not Draven Vidal time.

I watch as Chloe places some papers on a small table before walking over to the piano set up on the stage. I walk past the rows of plastic chairs and right up to her. She screams as I grab her arm and swing her around to face me.

Chloe opens her mouth to say something. I don’t want to hear it, so I slam my mouth against hers, pushing her back against the far wall on this small stage. She struggles against me for a second before giving in to me.

I’m fuckin.g hungry for her. I don’t know what she’s done to me, but I can’t get her out of my head. No matter what I do, she’s always there. When I’m near her, I feel right. Like someone took a led weight and centered me. I don’t fuckin.g understand it, but it’s like she’s a deadly drug and I need a hit just to get through the day. I want so much from this woman, but it would be wrong for me to take it.

Why can’t I stay away from her?

Shi.t, I’m even thinking about paying for an operation to help her hear again.

Why the fuc.k do I even care?

I slide my hands along Chloe’s thighs and under her knee-length skirt and yank her panties down forcefully. I put my big boot in the middle of them and push them down to her ankles. My fingers toy with her dripping cunt, while I unbuckle my belt and free my hard-on. My lips attack her neck for a moment. She’s moaning but not asking me to stop.

I line my coc.k up with her tight hole and slam straight inside of her. She screams and claws at my neck. That’ll leave a mark — feisty little hellcat.

I hold onto Chloe’s hips and pound into her so hard and fast that she’s clawing at the wall, eyes rolling, unable to verbally tell me anything. But it isn’t stopping her from moaning and screaming her sex.y head off.

Chloe pants fast and hard. She’s close; I can feel it. Her thighs are shaking, and she’s finding it hard to stay on her feet, to keep up with me. I won’t let her fall. Her tight cunt is clutching my dic.k like it’s milking it for all it’s worth.

I slide an arm around her back, lifting her to me and off her feet. Her little arms come around my neck, holding on as she kisses me. I wrap one of her legs around my waist and hold onto her ass, slamming into her harder and harder.

“Oh, my God! I can’t take it!” She screams so loudly, her head tipped back, that if anyone else is in this building, they’ll have heard her and come running. Fuc.k ’em. I don’t give a shi.t who sees or hears us like this. “I’m cumming, VJ. I’m cumming so hard!”

Fuc.k yeah, she is!

“That’s it, baby. Cu.m for me.”

She’s cumming so hard her whole body is shaking like she’s having a seizure. Damn, I’m good!

I’m about to cu.m. Fuc.k, this girl is amazing!

I slam my coc.k into her so hard that we both fall back against the wall. I hold her ass with one hand and bang the other against the wall, holding us steady as I shoot my seed deep inside of her.

My hips are still rocking into her for long seconds after I’ve cu.m. Chloe clings to me, and I kiss her softly.

Softly?

What the fuc.k is that about?

I’ve never kissed anyone softly in my life!

What the hell is this girl doing to me?

I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I’ve only known Chloe a short while, and I already feel like a man who can’t let go of one little woman. No other woman has ever gotten to me as this one has. She’s fuckin.g with my head, and I don’t like it!

No matter what I’ve told myself about giving Chloe everything, about her being mine, keeping her for myself, I’m not sure I can do. It wouldn’t be fair to her. I know that. I’m a selfish cunt, always have been, but I care enough not to hurt her.

I pull out of Chloe’s body and tuck my coc.k into my jeans. She watches, confused while she rearranges her clothes. I turn away from her and rake my fingers through my hair.

“VJ, are you okay?” Her little voice is wary. She’s right to be.

“Yeah, just need to go.”

She grabs my arm, and I turn to face her. The angry look on her face is almost comical. “You fuckin’ what?! You storm in here, fuc.k me stupid, and now you’re just gonna leave? What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Goddammit, if that doesn’t make my coc.k rock hard all over again. Chloe’s freaking out. I remember my dad telling me that when women freak out like this, all they want to know is that they mean something to you. They don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat. Moreover, if that woman means anything to you at all, in any way, then you’ll show her exactly that.

I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know what to say either. So, I grab Chloe, my hand on the back of her head, and pull her to me. I kiss her swiftly and rest my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry, Chloe. I’m just so damn confused right now. You do somethin’ to me that I don’t understand.”

Her palm is pressed against my chest, right over my heart, making it beat a little fast.

What the hell is this?

“You might not understand, VJ, but you feel. No matter who told you that you are incapable, you aren’t. No one is incapable, VJ. I care about you,” Dammit, she shouldn’t care about a monster like me. “I know you’re confused, but so am I. I shouldn’t feel anything for you, but I can’t help it.”

I stroke her face and kiss her forehead. She looks up at me with such trusting eyes.

How on this earth can she trust me like this?

No one has ever really trusted me so easily.

Maybe she’s a glutton for punishment?

“Don’t push the feeling away, VJ. Go with it. It could lead to something wonderful.”

“You done here?” I’m uncomfortable talking about this stuff with her, so I shut it down by changing the subject.

“Yeah.” She nods.

“Good, I’ll take you home.”

“Thanks.” She seems deflated, but I’m done here.

I’ll take Chloe home, then I’ll go about my business. She’s nothing to me but a good fuc.k whenever I feel like it. Chloe should have known that’s all she’d be to me. It isn’t like she hasn’t been told by more than just a few people. If she thought this would end in us being together and falling in love, then she’s stupid. It won’t ever happen. I’m not the man she’ll be settling down with. I won’t give her the happily ever after she’s looking for.

Maybe I should walk away and let Chloe be happy with someone else. The trouble with that is, I’ll kill any man who so much as looks at Chloe with lust in his eyes, and I mean any man. I know that’s selfish. Of course, I do. As I said, I’m a selfish man who, most of the time, only thinks about himself.

Any wonder people call me a cunt?

I feel like I’m contradicting myself at every turn. I want to give Chloe everything and keep her for myself, but I don’t want to lose any part of myself to her. I’m fucke.d up, and I hate that she’s doing this to me!

If I gave a real damn about this beautiful girl, I’d let her go. I’d free her from the apparent hold I have over her, but I can’t. The thought of never seeing her, never touching her again, makes my blood run cold.

So, what the fuc.k do I do?

Do I let Chloe go or run with the unfamiliar feeling inside me and make her mine?

With a deep breath, I tell myself not to be selfish just this once. To let this perfect creature have the life she deserves, a life without me. I can do that.

You’re funny, VJ. An absolute hoot. You’re also a lying cunt. You have no intention of letting this girl go; she’s yours. You’re starting to feel something for her, something you don’t understand but want to explore. It’s not wrong to just go with it.

Yeah. Right.