VJ

29 - Date night

Chloe

VJ and I walk along the embankment of the lake, hand in hand. The silence is peaceful and, oddly, not awkward. I wondered for a hot moment why VJ would choose a walk by the lake as a date. Then, it occurred to me that VJ must have spoken to Max. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling because VJ sought advice from his brother on how to get to know me better.

That must have taken a lot for VJ to do. I appreciate the effort on his part more than he knows.

“What were you like as a little boy?”

VJ scoffs. “A nightmare. I was pretty much the same as I am now. I didn’t feel pain, and I never cried.”

“You never cried?” I can’t believe he never cried as a child. All little children cry sometimes.

“Rarely when I was a baby. My dad says, never after the age of two. I don’t remember a time when I did. Not when my grandfather died right in front of me when I was five, and not when Willow was almost killed.”

I listen to VJ explaining how his reactions to traumas that would have most people in therapy for years were nothing to him. How he describes his life to me is that it’s as though there is something inside of him blocking his feelings, like a shield or a wall keeping them out. I can’t imagine how lonely it must be, keeping everyone at arm’s length.

“Did being that way keep you safe in prison?”

VJ looks at me for a moment. Something in his eyes tells me that VJ was never safe in prison. You hear so many bad things can happen there. I imagine a man like VJ initially becomes a target. Until the moment he proves he’s not a man to be messed with.

“You could say that.”

I touch his face because I can’t stop myself. I lean on my tiptoes and kiss him softly, and he smiles against my mouth. I don’t want to dig into his past. I refuse to bring up bad memories for him. I retake his hand in mine, and we continue walking. I breathe in the fresh air and smile to myself.

Just this morning, I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. VJ comes for a walk with me after apologizing and then willingly talks about his life, and things don’t seem so bad.

I know things will never be perfect between us. But I love him, and I know he cares about me. It doesn’t matter if he never tells me because I know he feels it. One day soon, VJ will realize it; I just know he will.

“What were you like as a kid?”

“Me?” I chuckle. “Well, I’m an only child. My parents didn’t think they’d ever have a child. However, I came along in their forties.”

“Wow.” I look at VJ and smile. “Can’t imagine having a kid at that age.”

I’m wondering if I can imagine you with a child at all.

“Many people do.” I shrug. “Anyway, I was a good kid and never got in trouble. I never brought any trouble to my parent’s door. I never took a day off school and passed every exam I ever took.”

I watch VJ’s reaction from the corner of my eye; he’s shaking his head slightly. I bite the inside of my cheek, embarrassed with myself. I have no idea why. I am who I am.

“Boring, huh?” VJ tugs on my hand, gently pulling me to a stop. “What?”

“I do not think you were or are boring, Chloe. What you told me is classically you. You don’t try to be someone you’re not. I like that about you, Chloe.”

I smile shyly. I’ve never tried to be someone I’m not.

Why should I when I like who I am?

“Let me take you to dinner?” VJ asks while tucking my hair behind my ear.

I smile and nod my head. “I’d like that.”

VJ is really trying to make it up to me, and I can’t begin to explain how good that makes me feel. I won’t be telling VJ about our baby today. Maybe not tomorrow, either. I want to know where I stand with this man, no doubt in either of our minds before I drop that bomb on him. He has a way to go before I’ll be able to trust his word fully. However, today has been a good start.

Let’s hope he proves himself before you fall too deeply, Chloe. A broken heart and a newborn don’t mix.

That’s precisely what I don’t want. I want VJ so badly, but I won’t choose him over my child. There is no doubt about that.

Please don’t let me down, VJ. I’m putting all of my faith and trust in you. I love you, and I know somewhere inside that cold heart of yours you love me, too. I hope...

****

VJ watches me with a smile on his face as I tuck into my burger. He brought me to Papa Joe’s. I was fine eating someplace cheaper, but he told me it couldn’t get any cheaper than free. I had narrowed my eyes in confusion. There is no way Draven Vidal would give us free food, no matter how well he knows us.

VJ assured me, however, that this meal was on the house. He has no reason to lie to me; I just find it strange. However, it didn’t stop me from ordering a massive hamburger with the works. I seem to have found my appetite since our walk by the lake.

“It’s good to see you eating.”

I nod while moaning around a mouthful of food. Whoever the chef is needs commending because this food is fantastic. I hope Brooke made strawberry mousse cake today. Once I’m done with this burger, I want a slice.

Chloe, slow down, girl, you’ll give yourself indigestion.

VJ chuckles. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Did your mom make you food like this when you were a kid?”

I smile behind the paper napkin while wiping my mouth. I like that VJ is taking an interest in my life.

“Once a month, Mom would make food like this for me as a treat. She’s very big on healthy eating, so this kind of food wasn’t at the top of her list to feed me.”

“Health freak.”

I chuckle at the mock look of shock on VJ’s face.

“She was forty-five when she gave birth to me. That meant anything could go wrong with the pregnancy. My parents had prayed for so long that they would be blessed with a child. Knowing something might go wrong was scary for them. Mom was desperate to make sure that didn’t happen, so she followed every piece of advice the doctor gave her.” I shrug and take a sip of my Diet Coke.

“And you were born healthy?”

I nod. I was born very healthy, to very happy parents.

“What about you?”

VJ leans forward with his arms on the table. “I was born at the end of an MC war.” He chuckles. My eyes widen a little. His mother must have been terrified! “I was born a couple weeks early, but I was strong and healthy. I have a good family, but having a monster like me in their lives wasn’t easy for them.”

“Oh, come on,” I shift in my seat. “You can’t have been that bad. I don’t think any child could be.”

VJ stares at me for long moments, sending a shiver down my spine as his eyes darken. There is something extremely dark within this man – something that scares me just a little.

VJ suddenly narrows his eyes in confusion, shaking his head slightly as if shaking away the fog.

“VJ, are you okay?” The mood suddenly changed, and my appetite disappears.

“You saw it, didn’t you?”

“Saw what?” I swallow the dry lump in my throat. I saw something in those cold eyes, but mine could have been deceiving me.

“The monster in me.”

I bite my lower lip. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

VJ takes my hand across the table, and I let him. “I don’t want you to fear me, Chloe. Please don’t. There is nothing in this world that would ever cause me to hurt you.”

“I know that, VJ.” If I know nothing else about VJ, I know he would never hurt me. Not deliberately, anyway.

“There are things you don’t know about me, Chloe. If we’re going to do this relationship thing, then I need you to know.”

Relationship. VJ wants a relationship with me!

As exciting as that is right now, I swallow hard, my heart hammering in my ears. I am so scared that VJ is going to tell me that he’s killed people, that I think my heart is going to give out.

God, I know VJ has beaten the crap out of one or two men over the years. I know he’s been in more fights than most, but please tell me the man I love is not a killer.

“There are demons within me, Chloe. Demons that I can’t always control. Look close enough, and you will see them. I can’t always control them, but I try. I hurt people because, not only do most deserve it, I have a nagging need within me,”

VJ stops talking, and I run my thumb over his big knuckles. I feel for him right now. The darkness consumes him sometimes, and he can’t control it. I can see just by looking at him that he’d expel the darkness if only he could.

“It’s okay, VJ.”

“Is it?” I sense hope in his voice.

My heart widens with love for him, and I can’t help smiling.

“I know there is darkness within you, and I know you fight hard to keep it locked away. I also see the good in you, VJ. I don’t see you as a monster. You are so much more than that, VJ. So much more.”

VJ tugs on my hand, and I have no choice but to get out of my seat. I smile as he pulls me into his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he locks his arms around my waist.

“I think you‘re crazy to want anything to do with a man like me, Chloe.”

He’s probably right. But I can’t help the way I feel about him. Some would call me naïve, and most would call me stupid, but I don’t care. I don’t because I love this man. Yes, he is dangerous, but I know I’m safe with VJ.

“Maybe.” I cup his handsome face in my right hand. “I never intended us to be more than that night, VJ. I know you didn’t either. However, something brought us to this point. I want to be with you, VJ. I know what I’m getting myself into, and I know it won’t always be easy.”

I stop talking for a moment because he’s smiling at me. It’s a smile I know not many get to see. Maybe it’s reserved just for me. That thought alone makes my heart beat faster, and a smile spreads across my face. God, he’s so handsome.

“Are you sure about this, Chloe? If we do this - if we start this relationship, there will be no way back. I will never let you go.”

I should be running for my goddamned life and never looking back. Though I’m not, I’m kissing VJ as if my life depends on it, not caring who can see us.

I finally pull away from him and smile because VJ is smiling at me. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah.” He smiles.

VJ and I talk for ages about ourselves, our lives, and what we were like as children. I know VJ has hidden nothing from me; however, I am keeping something massive from him. Something I’m too ashamed to tell him. Maybe I’ll find the courage one day, but that day is not today.

“It’s getting late; I should get you home.”

“Thank you for today, VJ; it meant a lot to me.”

He leans in and kisses me. “Anytime, beautiful.”