Crave

1. Amber-2

Kathryn left after going over the details of the closure. Christy followed a few minutes later, unable to stop tearing up. I sent her home early with a hug.

After getting the deposit ready, I sat in my favorite wing chair and took stock of my situation. This was my first and only job. I knew I’d find something else, and the severance check was more than generous. But nothing would ever replace the love I had for this place, and the memories made here.

Raleigh was a beautiful city, the architecture and cosmopolitan flair different from the small town life I lived in Georgia. When I first arrived, it was overwhelming. The culture was so different. Everywhere I went my eyes were wide, constantly learning new things. It was intimidating. Kathryn and Bartholomew made me feel welcome the first moment I stepped into the shop. I’d always be indebted to them for taking a chance on a young stranger.

When I asked for an application, they said they weren’t hiring. It had been the two of them for so long, but they took my phone number. Three days later they rang. The two of them were older and didn’t want to spend as many hours at work. Had I found a job already? They had a good feeling about me, wanted to trust their instincts. My instincts said this would pay my rent; it turned into so much more.

Kathryn and Bartholomew watched me grow up. They got more than a little credit for molding me into the person I was today. They came to represent the parents I’d left behind, minus the drama. They gave me something my real parents never did; respect.

I needed to expand my horizons. Kathryn was moving on, and as much as I hated change, maybe it was for the best. I missed Bartholomew, and now I would miss her too. They taught me more about being a human being than anyone else I’d ever known. With one gone and the other pushing me out of the nest, I felt lost.

I peered into the full-length mirror hanging in the rare books room. My face was still damp. I wiped it off with the sleeve of the simple peasant blouse I’d bought from the thrift store. That and jeans made up the bulk of my wardrobe. Maybe I should spruce myself up a bit if I had to look for another job. My auburn wavy hair was its usual out-of-control mess, plus I could stand to lose a few pounds. Too many nights on the couch with a book and a bag of chips was becoming noticeable.

Maybe I should get contact lenses? Jesus Christ, what was wrong with me? How could I think of a freaking makeover when my entire world was changing?

Embrace change, or fight it, it doesn’t matter. It’s happening whether or not you like it.

I grabbed my book bag from behind the counter, walked toward the mirror again but stopped midway.

“Why now? Why does everything have to change? I want my comfortable life back. No more surprises.” I spoke aloud, my words stumbling out of my mouth.

“What the hell am I going to do now?”