My Surprise Mate

Chapter Eight

When I get into my room, I lay down, my mind racing. Thoughts of my walk with Hudson are in the forefront, I remember every detail so vividly that it’s almost like he’s still here in front of me. My heart is racing as I silently wish that he were right here in front of me.

I also think about Theo, and how much this would hurt him. I know how I feel for Hudson, as much as I hate it, I can’t ignore it anymore. But I’ve been dating Theo for 2 years! I love him, he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. If I broke up with him, it would break him.

It’s not like crushes in relationships are evil. It happens to almost everyone. They always go away. And Hudson doesn’t feel the same about me, anyway. I’ve planned my future with Theo, I can’t throw that away over some jock. No matter how hot that jock is.

“Just friends, Ava.” I say out loud to myself. Theo will be here tomorrow, and once I see him and this minor crush goes away, everything will be back to normal. I know it.

And yet, even though I do believe everything will be fine, I toss and turn all night, barely sleeping, consumed with anxiety and guilt.

Finally I wake up to Theo’s voice in my room. He’s standing on the ladder to my loft bed and whispering for me to wake up. My eyes meet his and I’m reminded of all the reasons I love this man. He’s my best friend. He’s been there for me since we were kids. He’s seen the best and the worst of me. He was there when I turned 18 and tried to contact my birth parents, only to receive a letter telling me to never try to contact them again. He drove me to the hospital when we were 16 and I broke my ankle after a bad fall while running track and field. He was there when I woke up from surgery 6 hours later. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love. So why don’t I feel the same magnetic attraction to him as I do to Hudson.

“Theo… Hey!” I roll out of bed and hug him. Hadley and Nova aren’t here, so I check my phone to make sure they’re safe. They texted our group chat to let me know they were staying the night at the frat house. Nova jokes that Hadley will be in Miles’ bed. At least, I think it’s a joke. “Are you all moved in?” I ask him.

“Pretty much! I’m in Elm just like a block away. I met my roommate, he seems cool enough but I do miss Trevor.” Theo sits on my bed, putting my legs over his lap and starts scrolling on his phone. It’s so casual and comfortable, I can’t believe I’m even considering leaving him for someone else. Someone I barely know.

“Theo, can we talk?” I say, grabbing his hand.

“Well that is possibly the most terrifying way to start a conversation. What’s up, hun?” He squeezes my hand, but smiles at me, despite the anxiety I know he must be feeling. God I’m going to break his heart.

“I love you, you know that right?” I say, hoping it’s reassuring, but knowing it probably just comes off super ominous.

“I love you too… Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?” Slowly his face starts to show his nerves more and more.

“Do you remember Hudson, the guy who we met at the beachhouse?” I ask. Theo rolls his eyes, but nods. “Well, he goes to school here. He was at a party I went to last night.”

“I don’t like where this is going at all.” Theo moves my legs off of his lap and I sit up, so we’re both facing eachother cross-legged.

“Nothing happened. I just kind of realized that I have a crush.” Theo averts his gaze, clearly upset. Before he can say anything I rush to finish the speech I practiced all night. “Which is totally normal! I mean, lots of people get little crushes while they’re in a relationship and they go away. I love you, and you are the person I want to be with, but I couldn’t not tell you.” I reach out to grab his hands, but he pulls them away.

“I knew it. The second I saw you with him I knew you’d leave me for him.”

“Are you listening to me? I said I want to be with you! I’m just trying to be honest!” My eyes start to tear up.

“So what? You want me to just smile and be okay with you having a crush on someone else? Come on, Ava, you must have known I’d be upset. What were you expecting to come out of this conversation?” Theo’s voice begins to raise, and he tries to sit up, but his head hits the ceiling. The idea of loft beds are super cool, until you’re in the middle of an argument with your boyfriend and all you can do is sit cross-legged.

“Ok, ok. You’re right. You’re allowed to be upset.” I put my hands up in surrender. “I just wanted to be honest with you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. And yes crushes are normal, but I know I’m putting you in a bad position here.”

“So what do you propose we do, Avalon.” Theo crosses his arms. Ouch. Pulled out the full name.

“I think maybe we just need to take some space. I want to be with you, but, like I said, I don’t want to hurt you. I need to figure out what I want.” Tears spill from my eyes as I say this. It feels like a breakup.

“So you’re breaking up with me.” Theo starts to cry as well.

“No!” I put my hand on his shoulder. “No. I just want us to both focus on settling in here. I want you to make some friends! And of course we’ll keep hanging out too.”

“So basically we’re going to be friends.” Theo scoffs.

“Is that so bad?” I smile at him, my face wet. I wipe my nose with my sleeve. God I’m an ugly crier.

“I guess not.” Theo smiles at me too, and holds my hand. I was adopted by the Blake’s when I was 8, although they had fostered me for a year before that. Theo, Gabi, and I had been friends since the day I arrived in town. 11 years I had been with Theo, although we’ve only dated for the last 2 of those. 11 years with Theo by my side, and now it seems like he won’t be there for year 12. I shake the thought from my head. Hudson is just a friend. The crush will go away and you can be with Theo again.

We sit together for a while in silence, just holding eachothers hands and letting the tears fall. This is one of the worst things I’ve ever felt. And yet, part of me can’t even think about how sad it is because I’m just excited to see Hudson again.