The Widows Harem

Chapter 7 - Deep

Jocelyn

His accusations and words were intentionally hurtful. I could see the pain buried deep in his gaze and the desire to hurt me as I had hurt him.

I took it all.

I took all the pain. I took all the accusations silently. I listened patiently and intently, so when it was my turn to speak, I could address everything he laid at my feet.

When he was finally done, he leaned smugly against the door, arms crossed, as if he had won some kind of pissing match. The way he stared at me intently gave me the impression he was waiting for me to vehemently refute his claims and accusations. To defend myself and my honor in the same manner he had gone about accusing me.

What came instead, knocked him off his guard.

Taking a deep breath, I chose to stay seated. I didn't want to come off as threatening in any way. I allowed him to remain in the position of power. "Thank you for telling me how you felt and still feel," I started gently, evenly. My gaze moved up to hold his and I conveyed sincerity. "I know it is not easy to share such pain. I am truly sorry for what happened in high school. For leading you on. I was young. I was stupid. And, at that time, I didn't know any better. I made a mistake and I hurt you in the process." My apology was genuine and long overdue.

I saw the shift in his attitude. I saw all the fight slowly drain from him. As I watched the silent war wage within himself as he tried to hold onto his anger, I took a moment to study him closer. His orange-red hair hadn't changed. Just the style. He was still only an inch or two taller than me, which had been a point of contention back in high school. It was something he had been self-conscious about back then. However, what he lacked in height he had made up for in strength, speed and agility. He had been exceptionally strong in youth, I could only imagine that was still true to this day. I was left wondering how much strength he now possessed after going into the marines where they push you past your limitations to become the strongest, most savage version of yourself.

Slowly, Riley slid down the wall, until he was kneeling and both of us were at eye level. The smug look was gone and something else had taken its place. Was that sadness? Defeat?

"I wish I could give you the satisfaction of your accusations being true. That they had been done deliberately." I explained how I had grown up. How those around me, cousins, relatives and other guy friends and acquaintances interacted with me and how, to me, I hadn't acted out of turn in my mind. I had stayed true to how I had acted around everyone else. I hadn't caught on to the fact he had caught feelings for me. I didn't realize the signs he had fallen in love with me until it was too late. "The moment I realized what I had done, I told Caleb. I never kept it a secret from him." I addressed that minute detail, needing Riley to understand I had never tried to sweep it under the rug. "I know I did try to approach you a few different times, trying to talk with you. At the time I didn't know what to say to you to take the pain away, to make it better. I knew I couldn't undo my mistakes. I was still young. Still learning. If I had known how much just an apology could have done, or simply taken responsibility for the pain I'd caused... Maybe it could have helped more in your healing process."

I hadn't learned how to give a proper apology until a few years into my marriage with Caleb. I hadn't known how to just sit and listen and hold space for someone else's feelings without feeling like I was being attacked. It had taken counseling and growth to finally come to that. Which was why I had the upper hand in this instance.

"With that being said," I continued on after a moment of deliberate silence. "I am not responsible for your failed relationships." It was true. That part was on him and I would not take responsibility for it. "You are responsible for healing yourself. For finding peace and understanding. For letting go of past trauma and pain. For recognizing everyone is not out to hurt you. Your healing is not something anyone else could have done for you."

I saw the instant change in his countenance. Saw the wall and anger slam back into place and he shot back up onto his feet. "It is your fault!" He roared. "If you had never come into my life, I would never have experienced such pain and betrayal! I could have had successful relationships! I wouldn't have been paranoid that every woman I dated was cheating on me!"

I knew it was an emotional response. There was never a guarantee that someone, anyone, wouldn't betray you. If he had never met me, there could have been someone else that could have done the same or worse. However, that wasn't an argument he was willing to face yet. "You chose to assume everyone was like me," I corrected gently. "After high school, after our fall-out, how you chose to respond to that pain was on you. You self-sabotaged, Riley. I was not in the picture anymore."

Riley's face scrunched in fury as he bared his teeth, not willing to accept this truth.

Facing the door, he pounded loudly on the wood. I winced, his strikes hitting hard enough I was in fear he would break through the door. "Parker, you will let me out this instant, or I will break down this door!"

As Vincent complied, I sighed heavily, wondering if we had made any progress at all.

Once Riley was gone, my gaze moved up to Vincent's. His gaze was reserved, not giving me any indication as to where we stood or if our relationship was salvageable.

He motioned with his head to come on out, and I silently obeyed. I followed him to the kitchen where he sat me down at the island before handing me a plate of food.

"Did Riley leave?" I asked, needing to know if he was still nearby.

"He stormed off. Not sure if he went for a walk or if he drove off," Vincent shrugged, unbothered as he started to dig into his meal.

I left mine untouched, unsure of how I felt about all of this. While I understood Vincent's intentions, it seemed as if he had placed me in a dangerous situation without giving me any choice. And that was not okay. "Vince," I started softly and waited until he made eye contact before continuing. "If anything like this happens again, where I am at odds with someone, please do not take away my choice in the matter. If you had come to me and told me you wanted to get Riley and I together to talk, I wouldn't have disagreed with you. We could have figured out a better way to approach this, other than locking both of us in a room without our knowledge or consent. I did not feel safe being in there with him," I admitted firmly. "And I did not feel safe saying so within the confines of that little room where Riley was already so aggressive and irate."

Vincent set down his fork, a thoughtful look in his gaze. "You were never in any danger. I was right outside the door the entire time."

He missed the point. I decided to go with a different question to maybe help get my point across. "Did you check him for any weapons before you shut him in that room?"

His brows furrowed, not knowing where I was going with this. "No."

"Does he normally carry a gun or knife?"

"Yes. But he would never harm an innocent. He took an oath, Jo."

I sighed heavily. "I do not know Riley as well as you do. I do know, however, how he acted back in high school. He was not above using violence against anyone. I watched him punch a girl in the kidney for calling me a derogatory name." I allowed that information to sink in. "He was reactive. I would like to believe that over time, he received help or grew out of that behavior. That he stopped being so violent towards everyone. But, I do not know that answer. I could not have known that answer because I was not given the option to even contemplate it before being thrown into his company." I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts and to watch Vincent's reaction. I saw the dawning comprehension in his eyes as he realized what I was saying. Which possibly meant Riley was still reactive at times. I continued, "Do you honestly believe you could have unlocked the door, opened it and gotten to me in time if he decided to act rashly? If he had decided to react violently?"