LOST ON YOU

15; Always here

When I got back to the dorm, I was surprised to find Shin in the living room. I could already tell that the others were asleep. After Axel left, I had asked Shaun to take me somewhere else, and I spent hours there just thinking. I didn’t even understand why Axel’s words hurt me that much.

“Hey, you’re back. What took you so long? Are you okay? Did he scold you? Why do you look sad?” Shin asked as he rushed toward me. He looked genuinely worried.

At least I had someone waiting for me at this time of the night. It made me feel… loved.

“Why did you wait for me? You should take your sleep seriously, you know. Remember when Minjae kept disturbing you and you couldn’t sleep because of the noise? You even sang a whole song telling him to leave you alone. You said you would hate him for it,” I said softly. “I don’t want you to hate me too.”

“I can’t hate you,” he replied with a small smile. “I was worried about you, and I wanted to wait. Don’t worry, I did it willingly.”

I smiled at him. I loved it when he smiled like that.

“Did you eat anything? I made ramen for you. I know you love it,” he said, turning toward the kitchen.

“Shin,” I called.

He turned back, and I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him tightly. It felt safe, like I could pour all my frustration into that moment. Shin was kind. He always listened.

“Can I sleep in your room tonight? Please?” I asked.

He nodded without hesitation.

He served the food, and I refused to eat until he agreed to eat with me. I had a feeling he hadn’t eaten and had just been waiting for me. As we ate, I teased him about his tiny fingers and how they somehow made such delicious meals. He just laughed quietly.

After eating, I went to my room, took a shower, changed into my pajamas, and then went to his room. He was already on the bed, waiting for me. I got in beside him, pulling the blanket over myself.

“Evel, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked softly. “I could tell the moment you walked in. You were crying, weren’t you? You always cry in the shower.” He looked at me with so much concern. “You know I’m always here for you, right? You can talk to me about anything. I’ll always help you.”

Tears fell from my eyes.

Why was he being so kind when I couldn’t love him the way he wanted?

“Talk to me,” he said again gently. “You know I value honesty. Maybe I can help. You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“I’m sorry, Shin… I’m hurt,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “It hurts so much. He pushed me away today just like that. I didn’t even do anything wrong. I just wanted to talk to him, but he left me.” My voice trembled. “I know I promised we would try being together for these remaining days, but everything changed the moment I saw him again.”

I looked at Shin, my eyes filled with tears.

“I love him, Shin. I love him so much, and I hate myself for it because he doesn’t feel anything for me. He told me not to call or text him because I would distract him. Does he think I’m a bad person? Am I a bad person?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Is this some kind of punishment because I couldn’t love you the way I love him?”

My chest tightened as I cried harder.

“Is this what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you back? Is this how you’ve been feeling all along? Because it hurts so much, Shin… so much that I don’t even know what to feel anymore. It’s like my heart has been shattered into pieces I can’t put back together. I’m not happy…” I broke down completely.

“Please… just hug me.” I begged him. Shin pulled me into his arms immediately. I cried against him like a child, and even though I knew it must have hurt him, he didn’t push me away. He didn’t say anything either. He just held me tightly and let me cry. Eventually, exhaustion took over, and I fell asleep in his arms.

Shin’s POV

I knew something was wrong the moment he walked in, but I never expected it to be because of that boy again.

He must really mean something to Evel. I had never seen him break down like this before. At first, I thought the company had scolded him, but I was wrong.

I was hurt. Not just a little. It hurt knowing that I wasn’t the reason he was crying. It hurt knowing that I was the one comforting him while someone else held his heart. It hurt seeing him in pain and not being able to fix it.

But I couldn’t show him that.

I had to help him, no matter how much it hurt me.

From what I know about Evel, he doesn’t heal easily. If nothing changes, he will only get worse. I held him until he fell asleep. Once he did, I carefully laid him down and made sure he was comfortable. Then I reached for his phone.

I didn’t know his password, so I used his fingerprint while he was still deeply asleep. I went through his contacts. There weren’t many, and I recognized almost all of them. He had saved them using official names, and the pictures made it easy to identify who was who.

Then I saw one contact I didn’t recognize. No picture. Just a name.

Axel.

What caught my attention was the emojis. Most contacts had one. Mine had one. Woojin and Minjae had one. Even his parents had one. But this one had two.

I knew it was him.

I saved the number on my phone and sent a message.

Hi...

I waited, but there was no reply. After almost twenty minutes, I sent another message.

Hi, I’m Shin. I want to talk to you. Please don’t ignore me, because I’ll keep texting until you respond.

I stared at the screen, hoping for a reply, but an hour passed with nothing.

I thought about calling him, but it was already too late.

I placed Evel’s phone back where I found it and looked at him. Even in his sleep, he looked troubled.

I turned off the bedside lamp and lay down beside him, closing my eyes, though sleep didn’t come easily.