LOST ON YOU

12; What lovers do

When I woke up next, I went to Shin’s room as usual, but he wasn’t there. He had never left his room without passing by mine. I went downstairs and found all of them having breakfast. It felt strange because, on normal days, Shin would have woken me up, even if it meant pouring water on me.

“Hey, you’re finally here,” Kim Woojin said, and I smiled at him.

I tried to look at Shin, but he avoided me completely. I couldn’t even sit next to him like before because he was seated beside Minjae. I went ahead and sat next to Woojin.

“I’m used to Shin waking me up. I didn’t know today was different. That’s probably why I’m late,” I said, glancing at Shin, but he didn’t even look at me.

“I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed on his food.

He sounded distant.Was this how things were going to be now? It felt like I was already losing him.

Woojin passed me the plate, and I served myself, but my appetite was gone. I stared at the food and suddenly didn’t feel like eating anymore.

“I guess I’m okay. No need for anything,” I said, placing the plate back.

“I hope you’re not saying that because it’s your day to wash dishes. Actually, it’s you and Shin. Don’t even think about running away,” Woojin said.

That’s when I remembered. Maybe this was my chance to talk to him.

“No need. I’ll just do it alone. I feel like playing with water today,” Shin said.

Everyone looked at him in surprise.

“Hey, can you wash for me tomorrow? Maybe you’ll still feel like playing with water. Should I pray for it?” Minjae said, grabbing Shin’s hands and shaking him playfully.

Minjae has never liked anything related to the kitchen, so that was expected.

“I also want to play with water,” I said. Shin looked at me. I wasn’t going to let him avoid me. We needed to talk. I couldn’t stand this distance between us. I waited for them to finish eating and started clearing the table. Minjae and Woojin went upstairs, talking about surprising the Angels with a live. They sounded excited, saying they had a lot to share.

Soon, it was just the two of us downstairs. Shin still avoided looking at me. We cleaned in silence. An awkward, heavy silence. I had never experienced this with him before. It felt like we were fighting.

“Hey… can we talk?” I asked softly.

We were in the kitchen, and he was washing the dishes.

“We’re here to work, not talk,” he said without looking at me.

“Please, can we stop this? I don’t like what’s happening. I feel bad, and it’s even worse because you’re avoiding me. It hurts, Shin. Tell me what I should do so we can go back to normal. Haven’t you had enough? Doesn’t this feel wrong to you too? It feels like you don’t want me in your life anymore. It’s making me sick, and I can’t handle it. Do you want me to kneel and apologize? Fine, I will if that’s what it takes. I just want us to be okay again. I want us to go back to how we were,” I said as I knelt down. Tears fell before I even realized it. It was too much.

“Stop it. You don’t have to kneel. Please get up. I don’t want you to kneel for me,” he said, his voice shaking. He still wasn’t looking at me. But I could hear that he was crying too. I stood up immediately and hugged him from behind, holding him tightly, not wanting to let go.

I could hear his quiet sobs.

“How am I supposed to get over you if you keep hugging me like this? How am I supposed to move on when I see you every day? I wish I could have you all to myself, but I know that will never happen. It hurts so much. It hurts even more knowing we are disbanding soon and I won’t see you every day anymore. I won’t wake you up. I won’t get to play with you. I wasn’t even worried before because I was planning to tell you how I felt. I thought maybe you would give me a chance if there was no one else. That way, I wouldn’t have to worry about losing you. But now… now it feels like I don’t have that right anymore. I won’t be able to see you whenever I want. I won’t be the one waking you up. It hurts so much, Evel. I wish this was just a dream, but it’s not. What am I supposed to do?” he said, breaking down again.

“Hey… don’t think too much about it. At least I’m still here right now. Shouldn’t you take advantage of that instead of avoiding me? Let’s just enjoy the time we have. We can do everything you want,” I said, still holding him.

“It’s not just games I want with you,” he said quietly.

I understood.

I turned him to face me and wiped his tears.

“What if we date for the remaining days? We could pretend to be lovers if that’s what you want. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s risky. You might fall even harder,” I said lightly, trying to ease the mood.

At least he smiled.

“Half is better than nothing, right? You said I should take advantage of the time you’re still here,” he said.

I nodded.

If it made him happy, then why not? I wasn’t dating anyone anyway.

The happiness in his eyes was impossible to miss. He looked so relieved that tears formed again.

He pulled me into a warm hug, and I hugged him back.

“Thank you… I promise, after that, I’ll let you go,” he said softly. I patted his back. He was about to cry again. Without thinking, I pulled away and kissed him.

On the lips. He froze. It took him a moment to process it. Then he looked away, shy.

“I’m just trying to do what lovers do… isn’t that what they do?” I asked.

He got even more shy. I knew this might not be the right thing to do. But for him, I was willing to try.

He meant more to me than he realized, and I wasn’t going to take this chance lightly.