Transitions

Chapter 1-3

“Suit yourself.” He leaned back into the couch.

Fat d**k. Maybe she could…

“So I heard about your date last night.” Billy picked up a bath towel from the laundry basket on the floor in front of him.

“Oh?” Was he jealous?

“From your busboy.” Etsuko giggled when he shook it out before starting to fold it.

“My busboy?”

“Kensuke’s his name.”

“Yeah.”

“And I think he’s probably gay.”

“Yeah? How do you know all this?” Erika wasn’t that famous, not anymore, hardly worthy of a mention on TMZ or anything like that over a spilled drink at a restaurant. In Japan she was, but not the States, where alleged diehard figure skating fans often walked right past her and Tom Alan looking for Tara and Johnny.

“I know Kensuke,” Billy said. “He plays on my team.” He nodded towards an autographed hockey stick hanging on the wall. “He doesn’t know the whole story with us—you and me, our connection. He just called ‘cause we’re tight like that. These kids think I’m all cool and stuff.”

“Do they?” His eyes are up there, Erika reminded herself.

“Like I said…” Billy ignored the snark. “He was excited. Once I told him I actually know you guys, he begged me to hook up a meeting with you and Tom, and Booger Fisher.”

“Milo.”

“He’ll always be Booger to me.”

“Sure. I don’t see a problem with that.” Erika turned for the door.

“There’s more.”

She turned back. “Such as?”

“Well, if he does play for Tom and Booger’s team, not just mine, if you get what I’m saying…”

“Your subtleties aren’t lost.”

“Then he’s probably down with figure skating way more than hockey, right?”

“Jerk.” Erika picked up the closest thing to her—an oven mitt from the counter at her back—and chucked it.

“Hey!” Billy squawked.

“That’s a stereotype.”

“It is not. Jesus!”

Erika didn’t even try to catch the oven mitt when it flew back her way.

“I just thought meeting some gay people might be good for Kensuke.” Billy shrugged. “In case he’s having trouble coming to terms.” He rubbed his arm where the pot holder barely brushed him. “I was going for…something nice here, babe.”

His puppy dog pout was precious. “I know you were.” Erika let her arms drop to her sides. “Has he told you he’s gay?”

“No. He just…acts gay. Don’t hit me!”

She’d already raised her hand, even though she had quadruple jumped to the same conclusion.

“And it doesn’t matter to me if he is, just so you know. Except…” Billy picked a mug up off the glass-topped coffee table and took a big gulp.

“Except?”

“He’s got a girlfriend.”

“Oh.”

“At least she thinks she’s his girlfriend.” He set down the mug with World’s Best Dad printed across it. “From all outward appearances. She’s my star player. I guess Kensuke could be bisexual…or at least bi-curious.”

“Yes. He could be. There is such a thing, you know.” Erika folded her arms across her chest again.

“I’m aware,” Billy huffed. “I’m only part Neanderthal. Oh no! Is that offensive to Neanderthals?”

“Ha ha.”

“I had a life before I met you, you know.”

“As what?”

Billy balled up the same navy blue bath towel he’d started with. “You and me…it was…whirlwind. That’s the word, right?” He stopped and looked at her a second. “First we argued and insulted each other, then you flirted and seduced me to get me into bed.”

“I think you’re rewriting history.”

“We fell in love…had s*x…Maybe reverse that. Then all our talk was dirty, until you told me you were marrying Tom. Then all we talked about was that. We talked about that a lot.”

“Yeah.”

“No. I mean a lot—around and around, over and over.”

“Okay, Billy. I get it. What’s your damned point?”

“Unless I’m just using all that as an excuse.”

“For what?”

“His name was Randy.”

“Randy?”

Billy stood, like before. This time, he turned away, almost wistfully. He hugged his towel, and Erika got comfortable against the wall. “We played doctor a lot. Not like that.” He looked back and scowled, though Erika hadn’t uttered a single syllable. “We played vet, with all of Brianna’s stuffed animals. She had this huge bear Mom and Dad gave her one Christmas. Randy would bring it in and I’d make it all better. Valentine’s Day came around and I was in CVS with Mom. They had one of those ginormous cards…you know, the ones as big as a small person, that happened to have a bear on the front. I asked Mom if she’d buy it, so I could give it to Randy.”

“Aww.”

“She refused…because it was almost ten bucks. She let me pick out one from the regular rack, though, so I didn’t have to give him the same stupid Pokémon cards everyone else was getting.” Billy started to pace. “It was pretty mushy, this card, something like, ‘Of all my favorite things, you’re my favorite of all,’ and it had some stuff from that song on the front—the kitten, the mittens, the kettle and a wet rose.”

Erika fought a smile.

“Valentine’s Day fell right before winter break. I gave the card to Randy…and he didn’t speak to me for four years.”

“Oh. I’m sorry that happened.” She brushed Billy’s cheek when he came to a stop right in front of her. “But I’m not sure a childhood crush—”

“The summer of that fourth year, and the next four that followed, we gave each other blowjobs all through vacation bible school.”

“Oh.”

“After graduation, he never spoke to me again.”

Of all the things Erika was thinking, she said, “Your mother is awesome.”

“No argument here.”

Billy was quiet then, but he still had a stranglehold on his towel.

“Keep going,” Erika said.

“It hurt me to see Randy every day and not be friends. I hated that we were…”

“Estranged?”

“Okay. That. All I knew about s****l feelings then was the ones I got looking at the underwear pages in the JC Penney book—bras and panties sometimes, boxer briefs and tighty-whities other times. I knew I really wanted to see a naked dude that wasn’t one of my brothers and a naked chick…girl…woman.”

“Take a breath.”

He did, and also released his towel from its stranglehold.

“I bet you’re a little surprised,” he said afterward.

“No.” That was a lie.

“Even if I’d only been with one guy and a whooooole lot of women…”

Erika challenged that with the arch of one brow.

“The point is, I guess I wasn’t really sure the bisexual label even fit…until later in life…when I was with a couple more of…each.” Billy swiped at his face. His other hand stayed at his side. He had scars, too, like Tom Alan. He and Erika hadn’t talked much about those either. “Even if I hadn’t been with a guy for a while by the time you and me got together, even if talking was at a minimum and our whole relationship was on and off in a blink, and now we’re basically exes with benefits…”

Erika wanted to smack him for that.

“It’s probably the sort of thing people who are intimate with one another should share.”

“Probably.” When he finally looked at her, she wanted to hug him.

“You’re not…pissed, disgusted…whatever?” Billy moved to Etsuko and picked her skating Snoopy up off the floor where she’d dropped it.

“No.” This time, Erika’s answer was honest. Despite many marathon sexting sessions back in the day and actually sleeping together a dozen times, this was the most intimate they had ever been.

“I’m nervous with guys. One I went out with insisted I was gay and just wouldn’t admit it. That kind of bullshit doesn’t sit right with me. I know what I am. Another time, I actually chickened out on a Grindr hookup. He was alright. Paul was his name.” Billy finally gave up on the towel he’d been cradling and dropped it back in the basket. “I’m pretty secure in my game when it comes to women.”

“Justifiably so.”

“You’d think it would be the other way. I know what I like, and that should translate. I was giving head one time…” Billy laughed. “You don’t want to hear about that.”

She sort of did.

“Even if what we had was fast and complicated, even if we rushed in and out of it, it’s important you know my feelings for you were completely real. I loved you.”

“I don’t doubt that.” She was a little upset about the use of past tense, however. “I’m glad you told me. Though I have to wonder…why now?”

Billy shrugged. “Didn’t it just come up in conversation?”

“It seems like more.”

Another shrug.

“Does Milo know?”

“No.”

“As close as the two of you are…”

Billy had been the first one on his feet for Milo when he and Jenn took bronze in Sochi, and also when he got booed at the press conference afterward for making a speech in support of Russia’s l***q community. When Billy freaked out at the thought of becoming a father, Milo was there for him, too. “I’ve seen you coaching little five-year-olds, haven’t I? It won’t be that different. Just don’t put on the goalie mask when changing a nappy. That thing makes you look a little scary.”

“It wasn’t easy keeping it from him, I tell you that,” Billy said, heading for the kitchen—all of four steps. “Morning wood he never bothered to hide…trips from the shower to his room with no towel on…” He kicked the oven mitt into the air, caught it one-handed, and put it back on the counter. Erika wanted to f**k him.

“Knowing Milo, I’m surprised he didn’t hit on you just in case.”

“Oh, he did. Multiple times, but I’ve never been interested in sleeping with a whole bunch of people at once, like he was.”

Erika lowered her brows, which had shot up before she could stop them.

“Not like that. I prefer dating one person at a time. Out of sight out of mind Booger rotated partners like The View changes cohosts.”

“Oh.”

Billy smiled.

“What?”

“Memories. Fantasies. We could have easily messed around. And just as easily, I could have fallen in love with the British jackass.”

“Wow.”

“I knew it was better just to play it off and then yank it while listening to him and someone else through our paper-thin walls—him and Tom Alan, eventually.” Billy picked up the coffee carafe and stared into it. “It hurt sometimes, but I had to protect my heart.” He came back to the present. “Jesus, I sound like a w—” Cutting himself off showed intelligence—or fear.

“You sound like a human being with feelings.”

“I guess. Back in the day, monogamy wasn’t really Milo’s goal. I’m over him now. The moment I saw him with Tom—”

“Tom Alan.”

“I knew that was going to be something. Then I met you.”

Erika handed him his mug from the other room.

“Oh. Thanks. You and me.” They both held onto it. “That was supposed to be something, too. Anyway…”

Erika let go.

“If Kensuke’s up front, it’s all good.” Billy poured his coffee. “If he’s just stringing Jesse along…that’s not right, is it? You know how emotional teenage girls can be.”

“As opposed to teenage boys?” Erika took several steps and glared.

“Teenagers in general.” Billy came closer. “Like we were…you literally, and me emotionally, maybe. I was a jerk and here I am ready to condemn Kensuke for the same thing.”

“Shh.” She put a finger to Billy’s lips but quickly took it away. She had to get to the door. “It’s not the same.”

Billy followed. “Maybe we’ve grown up some in two years.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe not all the way, though.”

Erika wondered what that meant.

“This thing with the kids, it’s a little bit like your situation, right? With Tom?”

“Tom Alan. And not really.”

“How not really?” Billy chuckled. He kept coming and Erika kept backing away. “You were in love with a gay guy until you met me.”

Maybe he was right.

“I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you, Rika.”

“Except maybe Randy…and Milo.”

“I loved you,” Billy said.

“I know.” Erika believed that and didn’t want Billy to doubt it, even as the ‘d’ on the end of ‘love’ punched her in the gut every time.

“It was complicated…you and Tom Alan…you and me.” The past tense was also inaccurate.

“If you and Kensuke are so tight…and you might identify the same in regards to your sexuality,” Erika said, “why don’t you talk to him?”

“Because we still live in a world where parents might yank their kids from the league the moment word gets out the coach is bisexual, that’s why.”

“Oh,” Erika said sadly.

“They all know I played girls’ hockey. I tell them right off the bat—age five to eighteen—there’s no gender discrimination on my ice. Of course, the five-year-olds have no idea what that means, but I try to show it. Back to your question, who I sleep with stays with me and the person sharing my bed.” Billy nodded toward the door to their left. Though he hadn’t dressed, the bed was made. The prickle from the fantasy Erika had enjoyed in the car was still tempting her. As Billy leaned in, purposely pressing his crotch into hers, she desperately wanted to let him quench the wanting in her heart, in her gut, and right where his d**k was. She could tell he wanted her, too. “This bouncing back and forth between adult and immature is tough,” he said.

“All in a day for most men, I thought.”

“Hey! Why isn’t that sexist?”

Billy’s mouth came really close and Erika could not care less right then about being politically correct. “Because.”

“That’s not fair.” He twisted his sexy pink lips into a pout. They were the same shade as his n*****s and the tip of his soft c**k. Erika closed her eyes and tried to recall the feeling from mere moments ago, and the image from when he’d sat on his ugly couch. “But you’re…smoking hot, so I’ll let it pass.”

“Charming.” Erika was torn between grabbing his d**k and kneeing him in the balls.

“Hmm. So, when can I bring him by?”