The Recovered

The Reckoning

As I sat there with my eyes closed letting the adrenaline rush wash over me, I felt sated for the first time in a week. Much to my dismay, it was very short lived. I found myself coming down much quicker than I normally do, leaving me wanting more.

I took another hit, then another, and another. I felt invincible… that is, until I could feel my heart start to go crazy. It was beating so fast I could feel it in my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I started to panic, I found Derek and told him I needed to go to the hospital. He looked at me like I had three heads “I can’t take you to the hospital! I could get arrested!” He screamed. So I decided to make the journey by myself, I knew something was wrong and I needed help.

I half ran, half walked to the hospital, I could feel myself getting light headed. I was just walking through the doors of the emergency department when all of a sudden the pounding in my chest stopped, I had just enough time to call for help before everything went black. I woke up with a jolt, I didn’t know where I was or what happened. There were nurses all around me and I was lying on the floor, my shirt was open an there were these pads stuck to my chest and side.

I looked at one of the nurses and asked “what happened?”. She just looked at me with worry only her eyes and said “your heart stopped, dear”. I was shocked, so much so that I just started hysterically crying, where did my life go so wrong? I asked myself. I needed to make some changes, I couldn’t live like this anymore.

I checked myself into a rehab facility the next day. I didn’t know it yet, but that was the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. I no longer wanted to be a slave to my inner demon. From now on, I was in control of my own destiny.

I started my journey into sobriety on a snowy day in January. This facility would be my home for the next 21 days, and even though I was optimistic I knew this was going to be the hardest thing I ever did. The old Kara would have given up, gone back to her old ways. But not this time, I was determined to build a new life for myself.