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I went straight upstairs after receiving the note, and locked myself in my room. It’s about the only place I can feel anything remotely related to safe. I locked the door and closed the curtains before hiding under the duvet. Out of sight, out of mind. I just want to curl up in a ball and die, letting all of this go. I want the whole thing to end and go back to how it was.
And that’s what hurts most: the realisation that things will never go back to how they were. They can’t. Lisa will always be dead. Jess will always be dead. And I will always be suspected – somewhere, by some people – of being a murderer. Things will never be the same. The best I can hope for is to clear my name and not have to live the rest of my life on the run. And, right now, that would be an enormous victory. B
