The Original Villainess

CHAPTER 3 pt 2

My cup clattered loudly as I nearly dropped it back onto its saucer. “What?” I felt the blood draining from my face as he sighed and stretched his arms above his head. “You said you’d be able to tell after two weeks!”

“No, I said minimum of two weeks. Most women come to me after a month or two, which makes it much easier to conclude. And most women don’t ask me for a way to kill their unborn child.”

I saw a darkness in his eyes that I had never experienced, in any life. I pressed my lips together, trying to stay calm. What a sexist world this is. Was the author an old white man? Probably. It would explain so much. I set the cup and saucer down on the tray firmly, and frowned. “Most women aren’t taken advantage of and impregnated by someone they despise,” I gritted through clenched teeth.

“Most women marry the man they had relations with soon afterwards,” he pointed out.

I stomped my foot, standing up at the same time. “Most women aren’t me,” I snapped. “I already told you I refuse to marry that disgusting pig, so it’s not your place to try to convince me otherwise! If you won’t do it, I’ll find someone who will!”

“Calm down, my lady. I never said I wouldn’t help.”

I blinked rapidly as he casually sipped his tea, and my anger slipped away like sand through my fingers, the softness in his eyes melting away my irritation. I slid back into my chair, feeling almost childish for having thrown a fit.

Doctor Richards raised a single brow, but never broke composure. “You won’t apologize?”

“I don’t apologize for things that are out of my control.”

“How is your temper tantrum out of your control?”

I smirked at him. “Pregnancy makes women go crazy.”

He glanced at me over the rim of his teacup, and I could have sworn I saw an appreciation in his eyes. “You’re positive you're pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“Will you not tell me who the father is?”

“Why? So can you tell my parents and have them force me to marry him? I’d rather be sent away to the countryside to give birth.”

“They won’t send you away to the countryside, Miss Brynne,” Doctor Richards sighed with a duh tone as he set his teacup down like a gentleman.

How am I supposed to know that?

“At the very least,” he added, drawing my attention back to him, “they’ll lock you up in the temple until you give birth, then give the child to an orphanage.”

I froze, my teacup halfway to my lips, the liquid sloshing gently inside. That’s right! Why didn’t I think of that? I can give the baby up to an orphanage! Or find someone who wants a baby but can’t have one! I always did feel a bit guilty about aborting the fetus, but that was when I thought I would be thrown onto the streets! If I can convince my family to send me away for my health, then I can give birth away from prying eyes, and then drop the kid off at an orphanage! First, I’ll need help. I won’t be able to do this by myself.

I stared at Doctor Richards with wide eyes, pleading eyes. It’s perfect! And it was his idea, too, so he can’t say no!

He met my gaze in surprise. “No. Whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no.”

“Why not?” I whined, reaching for that hand that had settled on his knee after placing his tea down. “You said yourself I shouldn’t kill the baby inside me! This way, the baby gets to live, and no one will be the wiser!”

His eyes flickered to my hands clutching his, and I let go of him, blushing. Oops. Silly Kammi, grabbing strangers like that. Even back on earth, it was weird. In a Freudian society like this, it’s practically taboo.

“First of all, Miss Brynne,” he said, clearing his throat. “I never said you shouldn’t. I also told you I was willing to help, provided you really are pregnant. Whatever thought just went through your mind right now will be much harder to plan out than giving you medicine that will terminate a pregnancy. You realize that, right?”

I slumped back into my chair. “Probably. The issue now is that you don’t actually believe I’m pregnant, so you don’t feel obligated to help.”

He cleared his throat and looked away for a brief moment. “I find it difficult to believe, yes. But not entirely improbable. Some women do get pregnant after the first time. Others take years. Most people believe it’s a blessing from the deities that grant them pregnancies. If they can’t get pregnant, it must mean they’re unworthy.”

I scoffed at the thought. “That’s even stupider than blaming a woman for being barren.”

Doctor Richards raised a brow. “You don’t believe women can be barren?”

“I didn’t say that.” I gestured to the doctor’s empty teacup, and he nodded. I picked up the teapot to pour him some fresh tea. Brynne’s memories are actually really helpful at times. I wonder if I can embroider now. I’ve always wanted to learn. “What I mean is, why do people only blame women for being barren? Some women are incredibly fertile. But if her partner is sterile, then she won’t get pregnant, no matter how many times they sleep together.”

“Your way of speaking is rather crass, my lady.”

“I refuse to be a simple woman for the rest of my life. I have two hands, two feet, a lifetime of knowledge. Am I really only good for giving birth to sons?”

Doctor Richards chuckled. “Now, daughters are also important.” He picked his cup up and sipped the hot liquid inside. “If we only ever had sons, then we would die off.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s what I’m saying! But even if you have ten daughters, people will look down at you for not having any sons! But what’s the point of having ten sons, if only one of them can inherit the title and house from his father?”

“Perhaps you should have ten sons so the woman who birthed ten daughters will have someone to marry her sons to,” he suggested.

“But what if we don’t want to be married?”

Doctor Richards propped his elbow up on the table, settling his head at an angle on his fingers as he peered at me. “Won’t the population die out if no woman gets married?”

I sighed. “What an old fashioned world we live in. Wouldn’t it be fine, if we just…adopted? There are dozens of orphanages in this kingdom.” That I remember from the story. They were only just mentioned, though, and nothing actually delved into them. “People die all the time. Why are we so worried about having our own children, when there are children who don’t have parents? Why can’t we take them in and raise them? Why can’t we pretend to be nice people for once?”

“Pretend?”

I shook my head. “Never mind. This conversation got out of hand. Don’t forget what I told you, Doctor Richards. If my family finds out about this pregnancy, I’m going to make you take full responsibility.”

“And how are you going to do that?” he smirked.

“I’ll tell them you’re the father!” I beamed at him as he choked on his tea.

Once he coughing subsided, he narrowed his eyes at me. “If you do that, they’ll force us to get married. Weren’t you just going on about not wanting to get married?”

I c****d my head at him. “Hm? I didn’t say that. I only asked what would happen if women, in general, didn’t want to marry. I have no qualms against marriage, itself, as long as both parties are willing and able.” I just can’t afford it right now, because I need to stop Carson from becoming the crown prince and destroying my family and absorbing their power.

I flipped a loose curl over my shoulder. “I merely refuse to marry the man that has impregnated me, simply for the sake of showing off what a perfect family we are to the world. Why does marriage make us perfect? Not everyone has a happy marriage. My parents are outliers among nobles. I don’t expect everybody to be able to marry for love, but I would like to at least be content in my relationship with my husband. If he tries to keep me home all the time, simply because I’m a woman, or simply because I have my monthlies, or simply because I’m pregnant, or because he thinks I’m weak and can’t do anything, I will probably end up stabbing him in his sleep.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure I agree.”

“You don’t have to agree,” I scowled. “It’s my own personal belief, and I’m aware most people in this country do not share it.”

“No, not that. I mean…” Doctor Richards shifted in his seat until his whole body faced me. “If I married someone I loved, I wouldn’t want her going out. If I loved her, I’d want to keep her right by my side, locked up, where I know she’d be safe.”

I blinked at him. This is interesting. How long have we been talking like this? And he’s actually conversing with me, not telling me I’m wrong about everything. Could it be that I have made an ally? “That’s called possession, Doctor Richards, and is often frowned down upon when applied to people.”

He c****d his head at me in confusion. “But you love the crown prince, don’t you? Don’t you want to do the same thing to him?”

My heart tightened, and I bit my tongue before I said anything I regretted. “I despise the crown prince. It took a long time, but I finally saw what kind of man he really is, and I will never willingly be a part of his life, ever again. I don’t care if he begged me to marry him—he can rot in hell.” My knuckles turned white as I gripped the handle of my teacup, attempting to stop my hands from trembling. “Men like him is what’s wrong with this world. I would kill him, if I had the ability to wield a sword.”

“I’m pretty sure he knows the sword better than you would ever be able to learn.”

He’s not telling me I’m speaking treason. I peeked at him, but the doctor remained calm as he set his tea cup down. Strange. Most people would shout at me and tell me to reflect on my words. I wonder if he also hates the crown prince. “Really? Zane is the best swordmaster in the entire kingdom. I’m sure if I asked him to teach me, I’d be able to reach the crown prince’s level in no time.”

“Unfortunately for you, your brother will never teach you. He loves you too much.”

I groaned and leaned my head back as I slumped into my chair, hands tugging at the roots of my hair. “Again with this! If you love someone, shouldn’t you want them to be as knowledgeable and protected as possible? My family thinks locking me up and sheltering me from the evils in the world is going to make me a better person, but it just makes me naive. Even you thought it was strange when I claimed to be pregnant the day after I had relations with a man.”

“True. But as someone who has never received such love from his family, I’m honestly a little jealous, my lady.”

Jealous? Of a caged bird? I shook my head at his words.

“Is there no one you love enough to want to protect them from the evils in this world?” he asked, leaning forward, eyes twinkling in curiosity.

I shook my head again, holding my arms up in a large X. “If I love them, I want them to know what they’re getting into. My parents wouldn’t let me debut until I was seventeen. I haven’t even had my bridal courses yet! I’m almost twenty! Do they expect me to go into marriage not knowing what’s expected of me, as a wife? As a mother? Having s*x once with a man who’s done it with dozens of women already was probably the best lesson I’ll ever get! That, and reading romance novels.”

Doctor Richards rubbed his eyes, leaning forward and letting his elbows rest on his knees. “Lady Sumner…I beg of you. Please stop speaking like that.”

“Like what? You’re a doctor! You specialize in a woman’s health, don’t you? You shouldn’t get embarrassed by a patient talking like this. Actually…now that I think about it, why are you looking after my father? I vaguely remember as a child, there was an older man here that used to look after him, but I can’t remember what happened to him. I don’t think anyone’s ever told me.”

He sighed into his hands. “It’s true, I specialize in women’s health. My mother had a very rough childbirth, and nearly died from it. In fact, it was so bad, she was still recovering several years after I was born. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to change the worldview of childbirth. Perhaps make it less dangerous, so if I were to ever marry, then my wife would be more likely to survive.

“The man you speak of was my uncle. He was the viscount’s physician when you were young. But my uncle is getting on in years and can barely leave his bed these days, so a few years ago, I took over his patients. One by one, I handed them off to doctors I know that would be able to help them, so I wouldn’t have to leave my practice. But your father is a good friend of my family’s so I continued to see him on top of my regular patients at the office.”

I c****d my head. This wasn’t in the original story. I wonder what kind of life he’s had, to turn out this way. Dedicating his life to secure a safer delivery for women and children everywhere. He’s not a bad person. It might even explain his views on some of the things we talked about. I wish you well, Doctor Richards. Continue to blaze a new trail in medicine, until you’re at the heart of modern treatment.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

I blinked in surprise. “How was I looking at you?”

“With…pity.”

I pursed my lips. “You’re wrong, Doctor. I was merely thinking how strong you must be to have overcome this era’s unforgiving prejudice against women, in order to help your future wife and children. My own mother died in childbirth. I don’t have any memory of her, nor do I miss her very much. My stepmother has been enough of a mother to me to make up for that loss. But I still understand that I’m missing a piece of me. I would never pity someone for having gone through such trials. Everything you do makes you a stronger person, a better doctor. Why would I pity someone who has struggled so hard for everything he has achieved? Wouldn’t my pity be better spent on those who have been given everything they have without having to work for it?”

He watched me in silence for a long moment before asking, voice almost cautious, “Like yourself?”

I wanted to get upset at the implication, but I could only flash him a simple smile. “I don’t pity myself, Doctor. I pity my circumstances. If I had been born a man, I’d be able to do much more than sit here and sip tea with you. I would be able to go to the market without a guard. I could learn swordsmanship without people worrying that I’m going to break a bone. I would be able to carry a simple vase from one side of my room to the other without the need to break it.”

He chuckled in a large hand as he rubbed his mouth and jaw.

“If I had been born a man, I could go to the academy, instead of reading every book in the library three times over, and still be called unintelligent. A man can pave his own future. Zane doesn’t have a drop of my father’s blood in him, but he’s still his heir. I belong to my father until I get married, then I belong to my husband. I have no say in my own life. I am a living, breathing, sentient being, Doctor Richards. I have thoughts in my own head. My mouth speaks words that belong to me. I may have temporarily acted like a typical girl in love, but men also act like animals every chance they get, and no one rebukes them for it. It’s always the woman’s fault. She ‘seduced’ him. She ‘lied’ to him. She ‘got pregnant.’

“It’s quite difficult for a woman to get pregnant by herself, you know.” My finger rubbed the rim of my teacup, knowing the liquid inside was cold. “But it’s only ever her fault. It’s her fault a married man slept with her. It’s her fault her husband strayed. It’s her fault she only has daughters.”

“Is it not, though? She is the one bearing the children.”

I c****d my head at Doctor Richards again. “One of these days, Doctor, I’d like you to experiment with the base of all living things.”

Curiosity and confusion found his eyes as they met mine. “Hmm? What do you mean?”

Oh, how to explain DNA to him? “Everyone says it’s the woman’s fault for not bearing sons, but how do they know? What if…what if there was a way to know for sure why a child is born male or female? What if the answer to that question lies in the base of all living things?”

“What do you mean, base?” He narrowed his gaze at me suspiciously.

“What makes something living?”

“They breathe.”

“But the wind breathes. Is it living?”

“Living things grow,” he corrected himself.

“How?”

“Food and water.”

I smiled easily. I feel like I’m teaching a child. I guess having younger siblings back home will help with this. I ignored the clenching in my heart at the thought of my baby brothers and sisters alone in the world without me. “So you and I are living. A tree is living. A wolf is living. Grass is living.”

“Yes?” His confusion was evident in his eyes.

I placed a hand on my middle. “This child inside me is living.”

He paused, a tenderness crossing his features as his gaze drifted softly over my middle before coming up to meet my eyes again. “Yes.” Certainty steadied his voice.

“And all it takes to determine something is living is feeding it?”

“Where are you going with this, Miss Brynne?”

“If I cut open my pillow and filled it with food and water, does that make it living?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, pillows don’t require food and water.”

I waited, expectantly.

“You’re saying there’s something else…more…base, you said? Something that can determine if a thing is living, outside food and water?”

“It can’t be blood, because plants grow, and they don’t have blood. But there’s nothing a human has in common with a plant, and yet, trees continue to grow. So it must be something…smaller than what can immediately be noticed with the human eye. And I think—no. I truly believe, wholeheartedly, that the answer to a lot of questions will be found there. Why do some women only have daughters while some only have sons?”

“I don’t think there’s a real reason,” he said in a doubtful voice.

“Then how about I rephrase the question. Why do some men only have daughters, and some only have sons?” I asked with a secretive smile.

He narrowed his eyes at me, almost cautiously. His head ticked one way, then the other, as if the question was bouncing around his skull, causing a shift in balance.

“Why do some women get pregnant the first time, but some women can’t get pregnant at all? Is every bad or negative thing in this world a woman’s fault, Doctor? Wouldn’t that make a woman the most powerful creature in the world? Does bad luck follow her around simply because she’s a woman? What if I disguised myself as a man and learned how to wield a sword and became a great swordmaster? Would I be ‘special?’ ‘Lucky?’”

“A witch is more like it.”

“But why, is my question. What is so fundamentally different about men and women that he is allowed to do so much more than I am? Why are you allowed to be a doctor?”

“Because I trained for it.”

“But I have read every medical book in my father’s library.” Well, Brynne did, but I apparently have her memories, so. “Three times over. I bet I could have an in-depth discussion with any one of your colleagues, and wipe the floor with them.”

“Wipe the floor…?”

I shook my head. Dang, this is fun. “Never mind that. You’re allowed to train because you’re a man. But I read the same books you did. What makes me unworthy to be a doctor?”

“You could, if you wanted. Women can be trained to oversee women’s health.”

“Yeah, but is that it? I’m a woman, so obviously, I should know about women’s health. What if I wanted to be a doctor for men’s health?”

“What?” His brows shot up in surprise.

“I can’t? Why not?” I challenged, a smirk rising to my lips.

“Because you’re–”

“A woman?”

I met his gaze evenly, and he blinked several times in regular intervals in complete silence.

I stood, stretching my arms above my head, half grinning. That was fun. “We should do this more often, Doctor Richards. Most of the people I spend time with are only ever interested in the latest dress trends or which knight is cuter or stronger. It’s nice to talk to someone who doesn’t dismiss everything I say immediately, simply because I’m not a man. Though I’m not as knowledgeable about you in the ways of the world, thanks to my family sheltering me like an injured kitten, it’s still nice to converse with an intellectual being every once in a while.”

He said nothing as he stood, smoothing out any wrinkles on his clothes. “Do you still want the medicine, my lady?”

I placed my hand over my abdomen, letting out a small smile. “ If I’m being honest, Doctor, I’d rather go to the countryside and give birth in secret. But if you won’t help me with that, then I will take the medicine.”

He held up a hand almost thoughtfully as he watched me closely. “What if I helped you find a husband instead?”

“What?” I laughed. “You want to help me find a husband to raise my child with another man, so you won’t have to feel guilty about killing an innocent little baby?”

He shook his head. “I was thinking about what you said about couples who can’t have children. What if I found you a husband who needs an heir, but doesn’t want—or can’t have—any children of his own?”

I scoffed. “Tell him to adopt.”

“He could adopt your child.”

“Doctor Richards, you’re overstepping.” I clenched my fists at my side and pressed my lips into a thin line, my cheerfulness from our conversation already fading rapidly. I already decided I wouldn’t run away from Carson, so I can’t give into this, even if it does sound like a tempting offer.

“You said it yourself, you don’t hate the idea of getting married, even if it’s not to someone you love. Since you’ve renounced the crown prince, I assume you don’t have anyone else you do love, so as long as he meets your standards, then it should be fine, right?”

His words irked me. So what if I don’t love anyone? I’ve only been here for two weeks! How am I supposed to love anyone when Brynne spent her entire adolescence throwing herself at the i***t of a crown prince?

“I do!” I clapped my hands over my mouth as he raised a brow. Snap. What’d I go and do that for?

“You…do…have someone you love?”

I looked away from him. What am I supposed to say? “Hmph.”

“Who is it?” His eyes gleamed with some kind of desire, his voice teasing. “Anybody I know?”

I could say no, but he would never believe me. I’m shut up inside too much for it to be anyone fancy. Brynne only got the chance to meet Carson at her debutante, because the palace throws one large debutante ball for all the coming of age youth every year. Someone she probably would have caught a glimpse of then, but nowhere else after that. Someone Doctor Richards wouldn’t be likely to know because of the distance, or noble rank.

I scoured my mind for a name from the novel that would suit the situation. My eyes widened as I found one. Perfect. He’s a side character, so he’s not really a part of the story. He’s not on Carson’s side, and has absolutely nothing to do with Brynne in the original novel. “Duke Langly,” I said proudly, hands on my hips. He’ll never be able to check to see if it’s true. He’s perfect.

Doctor Richards blinked twice before he fell back into his chair, laughing.

My smugness died down and I glowered at him.

“Have you ever seen the duke?” he teased, using a finger to wipe away a tear from the corner of his eye.

My face went red as I looked away. I should have known he was going to act like this. Anybody would. “Once,” I muttered, dropping my hands from my hips. “From a distance. And the newspapers are always printing his picture for one reason or another, so I feel like I know him, okay!”

He snickered into a hand.

I scowled at him. “It doesn’t matter! I’m still only nineteen! By the time I’m old enough to get married, people will definitely know I’m pregnant!”

“You’re thinking too hard on this, Miss Brynne,” Doctor Richards said, the corner of his lips twitching upwards in a smirk that almost made him look weirdly handsome. “I’m merely offering a suggestion. If you hate it so much, I won’t pester you about it. Think about it some more. I’ll bring the medicine next time. Let me know your answer then.” He gathered up his bag, bowed at me slightly, and unlocked the door. Before leaving, he turned around to face me once more. “You’re right, my lady. It’s nice to have an intellectual discussion sometimes. Especially with someone that’s not a stuffy, old man who thinks he knows everything. We should do this again.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from him as he left the room. Hmph. See if I ever talk to you again, jerkwad.