Tainted Love

Chapter 2

Amara

"No Celine, I can't come tonight. I have to work overtime, since the time I have been promoted as the Assistance Manager, you know how busy and hectic work has been," I said looking at my watch. It has already been 7:00pm in the evening and I am yet to complete my reports and documentation.

"And that is the reason you have to take a break. You are overworking and exhausting yourself too much," said Celine on the other end.

"We have a field study tomorrow and before that I have to make sure that my documentation is ready," I said hoping that she would understand.

"You need to take time for yourself Amara. You can't go in like this forever. Whatever I say, I know it won't change your mind but still if you are up for it you can stop by. We'll be waiting for you," she said being disappointed, after giving up on me. 

I know she have the best of interest in me but I am not who I used to be and I prefer this life infact I chose this life for me. I can't say I am happy but I am content with what I have and working hard towards my dream. I have reached this position by sacrificing a lot and worked really hard for it and I just can't let it slip away.

I removed myself from the thoughts which were running in the back of my mind. I know she is right and I can't hide behind a desk forever.

I started working on the reports which were pending so that I am prepared for tomorrow. It is a new project and there will be new clients and this is some huge client and we can't afford to make mistakes. I know I could have let my assistant work on it and made her work overtime and go out have some time for myself but I don't want that. 

I know for the past two years I have been working day and night, I haven't paid attention to myself or even cared to socialize or do things people my age do. I wanted different things back then, I wanted a relationship and a family and many of the other stupid things. 

Happily ever afters, fairy tales may be true in some other reality but not mine. I have learned my lesson and learnt it the hard way. I am making sure I don't repeat my mistakes or let myself get hurt in hopes of some dream which may never come true. 

I really love Celine, she has been a genuine friend when no one was there. She looks out for me and I do to for her but I don't know how to make her realise that I love my work and am happy. She thinks I need to go out socialize, date and do things that others my age are doing. I don't go clubbing or don't party. I have only a few friends and last time I went on a date was six months before and ofcourse it was a blind date set up by Celine. It was a decent date with a decent man but I just wasn't ready for it. We spent a beautiful evening and everything was fine until he wanted to kiss me. I too wanted to kiss him back but I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself upto accept the reason why I couldn't kiss the man back.

After that it was just a disaster, though the person was decent enough to smile it off and behaved that nothing happened, atleast he didn't insist on asking the reason or making me uncomfortable.

It breaks my heart to disappoint her everytime. I don't know what else to do, this has been my life and I am comfortable with it. I like my daily routine and the same old habits that I have. I like the certainty it has and I know what I am doing or what I will be doing, it's all sorted and planned and I don't like changes or to be clear I don't like to make frequent changes in my schedule. I don't go out that often and I stick to my regular routine. Once in a while I visit my parents and office events if they are necessary.

I met Celine two years ago when I shifted to the office that I am currently working in. I was really nervous, uncomfortable and have had a recent breakdown when I joined the office. I had a break up and it was real bad, it was hard to move on and situation at that time was complicated.

Celine was the first one to have become my friend and the first one to not judge me and talk to me when I was a total mess. I would forever be grateful to her. She has had my back since then. She is in her early thirties, happily married to Adam who is a restaurant owner and recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Jake. She's a sweetheart and I love her and her baby as my own family. They have been a family to me and were there for me when I was going through a tough time in my life.

Celine is a beautiful woman, blonde hair and hazel eyes with buttoned nose, all structured accordingly which compliments her well. She has a pretty face and looks much younger than others her age. She have a heart of gold and I know that I can trust her with my life.

I focused back my concentration on the work that were pending, if I could finish it on time then maybe I could make a quick stop by her place. I know she would be waiting for me even though she didn't insist much on joining them. She have seemed to be given up. I really hate to disappoint her everytime, she seemed so excited and as always I turn her down.

I concentrated on the documents pending and it was a quarter left to nine when I finally completed my work and rechecked everything. I smiled looking at the time when there was enough time for me to make a stop at Celine's place.

I always keep a spare dress at my office incase of emergency, I looked at the dress and was quickly glanced it. It was a dark blue dress, sleeveless reaching my knees. It was modest and simple looking dress, which fitted well. I quickly fixed my makeup and hair. I applied light makeup with nude lipstick and kept in casual. 

***

I glance up at the enormous house right next to the ocean, staring at the front door that promises a night of problems, especially considering the fact that his favorite Bentley is already here.

The awkwardness awaits.

I take my first wary step, moving away from the safety of my car that promises to whisk me away from this certain hell. I knew I’d have to face him sooner or later.

Each step I take forces more knots to form in my stomach. By the time I make it to the door, I’m ready to double over from the weight of the dread that is festering inside me. But I’m a big girl, so I force myself to act composed and confident, and I walk in, ready to face the worst. That’s a lie; I’m not ready. But I can fake it like a pro.

Adam, Celine's husband is the first one I see, and he motions toward the living room. “Everyone’s in there. You’ve missed most of the fun.”

I don’t say anything. Adam leads, I follow, and we make our way toward the living room in heavy, uncomfortable silence. I almost feel stupid when I see the familiar strands of sandy blonde.

If you are wondering why I am being awkward or am hesitant joining in is because of Chris. He is Celine's younger brother and the person she had set me up on a blind date with. After the awkward date night I tried to avoid him. He seems like a good person but I am not interested in him like that. He doesn't seem to get the clue I think because whenever we meet he insists on going on another date or just takes a lot of interest in my personal life which I don't like. 

I was looking for Celine but couldn't find her instead someone else found me.

"Hey Amara!" came the voice of Chris with a smirk on his face.

"I didn't expect you to be here, Celine mentioned that you won't be able to make it in time and believe me I was disheartened. It has been a month since I saw you," he said a too much making me cringe. He don't seem to get it that I am not interested.

"Yeah, there were some important things that came up at office and I had to attend that," I said in a plain tone. I didn't want to be rude to him because of Celine and he is a decent guy and I can't call him off for trying. He is doing what he's supposed to do and we all have been there at times.

"It's good that I stuck around for long enough to have meet you," he said with huge smile on his face.

"Ummm... actually I was looking for Celine, I just stopped by to see her" I said trying to avoid him without being rude to him.

"Ahhhh... now I'm hurt," he said dramatizing the situation by keeping his hand on his heart as if he is actually hurt.

"Amara you came!" came the cheerful voice of Celine from behind me and I silently thanked her for interrupting us. I was just about to leave him or make some excuse but thank God that she is here and I don't have to do anything else which would garner me unwanted attention.

"You invited me, of course I had to come visit you and where is my beautiful nephew, I so wanted to see him," I said hugging her.

"Ohh he misses you," she said motioning me towards his crib.

"I'll see you around Chris," I said and turned to go with Celine. If I stop for a moment more he'll also come with me. I just hope to not see him again at least not today. I have an important meeting tomorrow and I really don't have time to socialize at least not today maybe some other time when I can actually have a conversation with him.