The Attraction Of David

Chapter 16

It was strange seeing Aris, who consistently looked gleeful, suddenly becoming so resentful of someone. The way he glared daggers at me and how reticent he was as he drank, was making me feel awful for bringing him over to our house.

I told him all that had transpired back in the pub a couple of nights ago, and he was livid. It seemed that he was more distressed with the situation than I was. I also told him about Stan, but not shown the pictures I had saved in my phone, with respect to my man’s decision.

“I’m sorry for bringing you here. You said you’d chat to me if I needed someone to talk to,” I said. “You’ve seen the text messages, right? What do you think I should do next?”

Aris placed his bottle down on the table, decreasing the volume of the television. “So, what’s your plan?”

I sighed and looked at the messages Stan had sent me from the past couple of days. I lost count of how much I have checked on them for the past couple of days already.

Lucas Stanley: ‘You’re on your fifth day of ignoring me, enjoying it much? Meet with me, please.’

Lucas Stanley: ‘I told you, I did nothing wrong. Please?’

Lucas Stanley: ‘I want to see you, I need to talk to you. David? Please? Can we talk?’

I was pissed and flustered, and millions of conclusions were racing in my mind, that it made me want to just reply with anything that could make him feel bad. I knew better than that, but I also knew better than ignoring him. The sentiments were colliding with each other, and even if I was not comfortable yanking a friend over to let him know, I had to. The plight was driving me crazy.

“Seriously, I don’t know, yet,” I said.

“Red f*****g flags, man. He didn’t tell you exactly why he had to meet with an ex, and he’s your boyfriend. Three weeks, boyfriend, why was it so fast, anyway?”

“He’s not my boyfriend. We don’t have a label, Aris.” I exhaled sharply and turned off the show that we barely even took heed of. “You said I should try it, right? Remember when we talked?” I asserted.

“Yeah, I said try, David. Probably a date or something, stuff like that. Did you guys even date? What had happened?”

I shook my head. “No, we haven’t. He was not comfortable with it. He’s closeted as well, so, yeah, he might push me away if I’ll pursue dating. And we have not gone out together with just the two of us, yet.”

He huffed loudly. “Oh, God. He’s closeted, so you guys are not allowed to touch in public, yeah. Why? Because he’s afraid that he’d be called gay?” he pursued.

The magnitude of the query was immense. Of course, what other reason was there aside from that. I knew, even if Stan would not say it to me, that he was apprehensive of the assumptions, he might even be ashamed. I didn’t need to inquire to know it. I have sacrificed a lot to get my worth and my sexuality, and all I could do was to abide by his request not to let people know because I knew he was not yet ready.

I didn't want to pressure him, I didn't have the right to do that. The concept of coming out was something I'm not really comfortable tackling with Stanley. Our relationship was just budding for me to demand such as, and I didn't even have the right to in the first place.

“Presumably, what other reason, right? You know not a lot of closeted men can deal with the pressure, Aris. I’ve been through that crisis before and I had renounced a lot of relationships and bridges I have built just to be who I am right now.”

“And you can’t compel him, I know. What keeps you around him, then? I know it’s hard.”

I sighed. It was like I was in an encore. “I like him. He makes me happy. My heart feels so full whenever he would talk. Our conversations are great, and I feel cherished. I am so attracted to him.”

“I don’t know what to say at this rate. Attraction is normal, David, but demanding more from an attractive person usually ends in a tragedy. And I’m just afraid with what you’ll become if that bastard will decide to ditch you off once he’s got a hang of you. Attractive people commonly are narcissists who prefer to think only for themselves.”

“But, there were no telltale signs of him being such as,” I said. “He even compliments me, were those words he said not enough to make me want more?”

“That f*****g guy turned you into a hopeless romantic that it irks me.” Aris sneered and then took another swig at his beer.

“I’m sorry if I act like this. I can’t describe it. I was mad, but I missed him so much .”

I looked down at my drink and I barely even touched it. God, it was like I was being castigated and I had to endure it. The taste of liquor paled in comparison to the apprehension that I was feeling. I gulped the cold beverage and put the bottle down, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“You know you’re the only person I can talk to right now,” I said.

“Again, he’s not your boyfriend, but you guys have this flimsy, in-between kind of relationship, right?

“Yes, sort of like that,” I answered.

He grunted and took a swig of his beer. “That’s f****d up. So, what do you guys do? Just have s*x when available? C’mon, David. Relationships don’t just develop from s*x. You’re stupid if you’d think that love could grow inside the four walls of his pad. f*****g hell.”

“Are you really my friend? It’s like you just came here to watch me pour my emotions out while you drink and berate me. It’s hard to ask him for too much, okay? I was... I am willing to take what he’s giving, that’s it. And I’m fine with it.”

"Damn, it feels like I’m speaking to a fish. I am not reproaching you. It’s just that, it’s too fast. What had he done to you to act like that? And what are you planning to say to him? He lied to you so he could get a night out with an ex,” he said.

“I don’t know, it was sudden, but we’re happy. I am happy with him. I don’t know how I could express it in front of him. It’s just a simple matter, I know making a huge fuss about it was childish,” I said.

“Why was it childish? He lied to you. It was reasonable if it was something else, but he met with his ex, for what? And he told you it was an emergency, what gives?”

“He did not tell me. He just contended that we should meet. It’s like my heart will explode just thinking about meeting him, you know?” I took a swig of beer, trying to calm my senses down.

“You’re pretty stupid right now. You’re on a distinctive level of gullible. If it wasn’t for that face of yours, I could’ve punched you now, David. It sounded that you’re more depressed with what he would think of you than what he had done.”

I bunched my eyebrows. “God, you truly have a few loose screws, can’t you at least console me? Your words hit like a damned truck.”

God, I hated him. But he was the only person whom I can freely open up to. If I wouldn’t be able to vent my frustrations out, I wouldn’t last another day. These emotions I have that were complicated to express might drive me to insanity.

Aris cleared his throat and put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not that I don’t care, just that, I don’t know what to say. I have not had this scary s**t with men before, so all I can do is listen to you and tell you my opinions. What I may also do is pounce on that fucker and pound his face ‘till his teeth fall out.”

“Yeah, like you damn stand a chance. He’s bigger than you... and never think about pounding his pretty face with your fist.”

“Jesus Christ. It’s the f*****g face then. You can’t think straight, no pun intended, because that douchebag looks good. Not a f*****g irony.” He gulped his bottle and then grabbed his phone.

I scratched my head at what he had said. I was never gullible; I always had been adamant with whatever perspective I stood for and never was I easily swayed by words alone. But with what my friend had said, it felt true. Was it the face? His body? His smell? The way he smiled, and laughed, and talked? His deep voice? I wasn’t sure, but maybe part of what I was feeling right now stemmed from those qualities of his. His appearance had been one of the major reasons why I was so entranced

Beauty is truly subjective, and nature blessed Stan’s genes, for sure. I am a hypocrite if I will say that I did not fall for his looks. We even f*****g met each other on a hook-up app. I wouldn’t even meet up with him if it wasn’t for the pictures he had sent me.

“But he grew on me. What could I do?”

“I understand, I really do. But, why was he there with an ex, being close to each other? Who keeps contact with their exes? It’s only in the movies, David.”

“Why he had to be so good-looking, right? It might’ve hurt less if he was not a looker. I am trying not to think of what else they have done after being there. The thought makes my blood boil.”

“I don’t want to see you moping around, David. It feels weird. You know you can always say the craziest s**t to me and as much as possible, I won’t judge you. Don’t take my words the wrong way, but you won’t go through this if he wasn’t so good-looking.”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “But I know to myself that it is more than that, Aris. Yes, he drives me crazy, he feels so good, he touches me so well, and he says things that make me feel like I’m floating. It’s like there’s this impossibly powerful connection.”

“I could’ve said it was limerence if you guys were not having s*x, you know?” He chuckled. “You’ve been through a lot of s**t in life. You and your brother, you guys are important to me. We’ve known each other for god knows how long. Seeing you being treated like this is an ugly scene to look at.”

“I feel like it was a waste of time, and it hurts me. I have never cried for a long time.”

“Crying is not a big thing, that’s normal. You’re sad? Cry it out. You’re overjoyed? Cry it out. You’ve seen your boyfriend with his ex and he lied to you? Yeah, cry it out, then jab him.”

I leaned my head against the couch and stared blankly at the ceiling. I was perplexed. I craved to see him and talk to him, but I was mad and fearful. Just thinking about what Stan might have done after that sickens the f**k out of me.

I just don’t understand why he had to hide it from me if he was not up to something. I had been complacent when he told me he would be honest and sincere. And how quickly things had taken a turn for the worse. I couldn’t imagine myself doing the same thing to him.

“There are a lot of what-ifs in my brain right now. But the one that frightens me the most is. What if he already wanted to end the deal? What if he might not feel the same way that I do now? Yeah, he wanted to clear things up, but what if he would tell me it was all-along a one-sided attraction?”

“You’re scared to let him talk to you because that might be the end and he’ll flee. Sounds like a cliche rom-com s**t, but I get it,” he said.

“It’s not like I could just ignore him ‘till my eyes turn white.”

“And it’s not like I can tell you to ignore him when I know you itch to see him. You look so smitten. I feel bad for you, really.”

I chuckled at what he had said. I also had chuckled at myself, for his comment was on point. I itched to see him; I was smitten, and I felt bad for myself.

“I wish I was not this emotional, you know? I can adore someone so much. I can be so faithful, and I do what I can to please the person I want. It’s toxic,” I said.

“Man, can’t you just find someone else? You’re fuckin’ good-looking and it annoys me so much that whenever you will mention him since earlier, it was like you make that little dreamy sigh. It disgusts me.”

I frowned and smiled. “What? That’s ridiculous. Are you drunk?”

“Your voice changes whenever you will talk about your affection for that stupid ass Stanley. That fucker twisted you into a crazy person. God, I’m out. Talk to him if you wanted to.”

Aris remained silent, and so did I. They said all was fair in love and war, but this was not even love, I was sure of it. And looking at how fast things had happened, it barely even affected me that we have not gone out of his condo even once. The only instance we had spent time with each other on our own, outside of his comfortable place, was back at the seafront, obscured. Airing about that was not even in my senses whenever Stan was around.

I was so enthralled that it felt as if him alone was enough. Not the people, not the places we could go, not a single damned thing. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wanted to do the things I normally did. Date him, know him more, the usual stuff that people do. I was just wary of knowing if he was already comfortable having at least a meal with people seeing us together. I did not even ask him why to begin with.

I cleared my throat. “I will talk to him then. I feel f*****g jittery just thinking about it.”

“Ask him why he had to do that. You’re a grown-ass man, you know better than this, David. We aren’t living in a world of fiction where things always go for the right turn. Yeah, you’re overwhelmed, but... be smart, ‘kay?”

I languidly wiped my tired eyes with the back of my hand and sighed audibly. “I get so lost when he’s around. It’s, like, my emotions for him were holding me by the neck. I have never felt something so crazy like this before.”

“Attraction is a beautiful thing. And it can be pretty f*****g ugly, too,” Aris said, opening another bottle of beer for himself. “Talk to him, air it out.”

“Thanks for being here,” I mumbled. I realized I might become an alcoholic, for I yearned the taste of beer on my tongue when I took a swig. I had never drunk so much liquor the way I did for the past weeks.

“It’s fine with me, okay?” He made a clicking sound with his tongue. “Just, don’t be too hasty with it. I know you’re happy when you’re around that man, but don’t let your mirth make you ignorant. Talk to him, or f*****g punch him, whatever."

“Yeah... I won’t be ignorant, don’t worry.” I finished my drink.

As the conversation rolled from my debacle into the usual struggles of our jobs and the daily lives Aris and I had to face, I discreetly pondered more on the thoughts of Stan, uncertain of what would happen once we finally had aired it out.