Give Me Back Your Heart

Chapter Four

“Welcome to my home,” I said with a flourish after I opened the door and switched the lights on.

"Great place, Cass," he said "do you live here alone?"

I nodded, "most of the time." 

"And the rest of the time?"

I grinned, "sometimes I have people over. Take a seat!" I said changing the topic and showing him into the living room. TV remote is right here, pop yourself down and make yourself at home. Netflix is loaded and signed in, if you wanna find us something to watch. 

There's stuff in the fridge, help yourself to any of it. There are also a few cold beers in there, or if you fancy, there’s also a bottle of red in the wine rack, a bottle of white, or rose in the fridge … oh and harder stuff in the freezer.” 

I stopped for a breath, and he laughed, “very well stocked, I can see,” he said, and I grinned; still not quite believing that he was here, and also not sure that drinking was a good idea, but I definitely needed one after the day I had had. 

“Just being a hospitable host,” I countered with a laugh, “but I also really need a shower and to get out of these clothes. Would you mind if I just quickly nipped upstairs? I won’t be long.”

“Of course, don’t be silly. I’ll find us a movie.”

“Alright- I’ll be quick! Promise!”

** 

I rushed up to my room and switched the light on. The soft glow of the lamps illuminating it. I instantly felt more at peace. This was my safe haven. The soft cream walls, and deep fluffy carpet soaked up all my anxiety and left me feeling a little bit calmer. 

I had so much to think about and didn’t know where to start. 

Derrick was being weird, the longer I thought about it the more his story didn’t add up or make sense, but I’m nothing if not patient. I will wait and see what he will say when I see him next. 

As for Matt; I was scared. The old feelings were coming back, he was my first crush, my first kiss, my first love, my first everything, and he destroyed me. 

I was falling badly for him again. As he pointed out in the car, we never really broke up, I never had closure. In my heart I knew I compared everyone I met to him. I knew it wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t help it. 

I shouldn't still feel this way, it had been ten years. Ten years of pain and loneliness, it had taken me more than three years to fully get over him, and here I was: feeling that it had all happened yesterday.

I focused on Derrick... I couldn't hurt him, especially not the way Matt had hurt me so long ago. 

***

*MATT* 

Being around Cass was so familiar, she hadn't really changed a bit since their college days.

He wasn’t quite sure why he had insisted on meeting her tonight, why he had felt the need to suddenly find her, which definitely wasn’t a coincidence. 

He had found out where she worked months ago, but didn’t know what to do with the information. He had staked out her workplace from time to time at the coffee shop opposite of her office building, hoping for a glimpse of her. 

The first time he saw her, he felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. There she was, his Cassie, all grown up. Her long curly hair had been tamed into a french twist. Her eyes, always so full of life and mischief were hidden behind black-framed glasses. Her figure was the same, perfectly showcased in black and white. Black pencil skirt, white v-neck blouse accentuating her long neck. She walked with purpose, high heels making her legs look even longer. She looked good. 

That was when he realised that he needed her in his life, he just didn’t know how to go about it. He didn’t know how she would react, after all - their parting had been far from smooth. 

Sometimes he wished she would look his way and see him, but she never did. She always looked so serious.

She had this no-nonsense look about her. From head to toe her stance screamed tightly in control, professional, a big invisible  “keep away” sign stamped all over her. 

Back to the present, he tried to keep his mind away from the thought of her upstairs, peeling her clothes off, hot water touching her skin the way he wanted to. He wished they could just go back to the way they'd been.

He'd never found someone remotely like her, they were just so perfect for each other, they had known each other inside out, but now she was in a relationship that sounded serious, and he wasn’t exactly single either. 

***

*CASSANDRA*

I walked down thirty minutes later finding Matt lounging on the couch, a bottle of beer on the table next to him, apparently watching TV.

"Hey!" I said as I walked in, "hey yourself!" he said making a space for me, I also got a beer out of the fridge and joined him on the couch, letting out a contented sigh when my back hit the soft cushions. 

“Cheers,” I said, holding up my bottle, “cheers!” he replied, clinking his bottle against mine. I took a sip, and closed my eyes for a second. “Nothing tastes quite as good as ice cold beer after a long day.” I said with a smile.

"Totally agree,” he said, also taking a sip, “so, tell me what have you been up to these last few years?”

I sighed, "well... After you went away, I didn't have too many friends, or... I don't really know what happened... I was suddenly alone.

Dad got really ill and so my parents went away to the mountains, apparently it's good for old people? 

 I didn't hear from them for a while... Mum sent me a letter a week after they left, to tell me that... that Dad had died... She hasn't come back since. 

I felt that I'd lost everyone I ever cared about, or who had ever once cared about me.  

I went back to the UK.  That's where I eventually met Derrick."

"Cassie, I'm so sorry," he said moving closer to me, taking the bottle out of my hand, putting it on the coffee table, and hugging me tightly. 

Tears sprung to my eyes, "I wish I'd been here," he murmured, "so do I, but you weren't... It's OK." I said trying not to cry, the feeling of his arms around me made me suddenly yearn from him.

I'd never been so mixed up in my life. I was still lonely, no one knew me like he did, no one knew how to get through to me like he did... 

I was feeling guilty. I shouldn’t be feeling like this around him. I thought I was over him.  These feelings of wild desire were confusing me beyond anything, and still he held me.

I wondered if I was the only one of us that was having such thoughts.