Give Me Back Your Heart

Chapter Fourteen

*CASSANDRA* 

I slowly peeled my clothes off, every movement seemed slow and exaggerated, but I usually felt like this after a meltdown like the one I had just gone through. I was drained, and I just wanted to curl up in bed.

My emotions were still all over the place, I still second-guessed myself, and in the back of my mind I wondered if this is what being in a relationship meant. Was I supposed to feel like this? 

Was I delusional to want someone who would hold me and make me feel like I meant something? And then there is Matt, in my bedroom. What was I supposed to do about that? 

I got changed into a pair of black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, putting my hair up in a messy bun, and scrubbing my makeup off. I looked in the mirror, thoroughly washed my face of all traces of tears and melted mascara, and ventured out. 

“Hey there,” Matt greeted me, patting the bed next to him,  indicating that I should join him. I couldn’t help but smile as I climbed onto the bed, fluffing up my pillows and leaning back on them, letting out a very contented sigh.

I left space between Matt and I, even though I really wanted to edge closer, and wrap myself around him. I just wanted warmth and comfort for once.

“I ordered a couple of pizzas,” he said, looking at me with a smile, putting his arm around my shoulders and scooting closer to me, “let’s see if I remember what you like.”

I smiled happily, snuggling into his side, as he played with my hair, “Cass?”

“Hmm?”

“So… want to tell me what happened to make you so upset earlier?”

I sighed, and pulled away slightly, “not really. It was just a little disagreement. It was mostly my fault. I pushed him, and he got mad.”

“Pushed him on what?”

“Where he had been last night.” I said, remembering his anger, his cruelty, and the way he didn’t seem to care about how upset he was making me, “it’s ok, though. We have these blow-ups now and again. It’ll be alright.” I didn’t really believe what I was saying, in my mind I was already wondering if it was reason enough to leave him. I wasn’t happy, he definitely wasn’t happy, so why were we clinging to one another? He hadn’t touched me in months, and I couldn’t remember the last time he had kissed me in a manner more passionate than an emotionless peck on the lips. He hadn’t stayed the night in ages- always coming up with an excuse. 

I was just too naive; too shy and scared to push it, and whenever I got up the nerve to say anything, he just brushed it off, or went into a rage like he did earlier. That was a guaranteed way to make me be quiet.

***

*MATT* 

I was hyper-aware of Cassandra’s presence next to me, and yet this side of her was completely new. I don’t think I had ever seen her in such a state. 

“Cassie,” I said in a voice a little louder than a whisper, “I know I have no right to interfere, or to give unsolicited advice, but I care about you, and it hurts me to see you like this. Life is meant to be a beautiful adventure. Every day is supposed to be a gift, we only get to live it once, only once, Cassie. 

You are such a special soul, and I can see how you are struggling under this burden you are carrying.”

She looked up at me, her big brown eyes staring straight into my soul, I saw the unshed tears gathering there, shimmering, making her eyes glisten, “Oh Matt,” she whispered, holding onto my hand tightly, squeezing with the strain of her pent up emotions, “I am lost. I don’t know what I’m doing in a relationship. I don’t know what is normal and what isn’t. What I am allowed to say and what I am not. What is acceptable and what isn’t. I don’t know where I stand. I feel like I am being dragged along in his wake, trying to keep up, trying to keep my head above the water, but it’s almost impossible to know what is coming before it hits me, and I am just so tired.” She ends her sentence with a sigh, and closes her eyes, a tear getting squeezed out, and sliding down her cheek. 

I wipe it away with my thumb, and lift her chin so our eyes meet when she opens her eyes.

“You are my oldest friend, Cassie, and you mean the absolute world to me. You deserve the world. If your soul needs something, then that’s what you should be given. 

If Derrick isn’t giving you what you truly need, then why torture yourself with settling for crumbs when you should be getting a whole cake?” 

She giggled at the last part, “very poetic Mr. Songwriter. Now you’ve made me crave cake.”