Give Me Back Your Heart

Chapter Twelve

I went into my house feeling happier than I'd felt in ages, grinning to myself as I looked at my watch; 7:00 am and I was still smiling!!

I wouldn't have imagined staying up till 7:00 am; I was usually leaving for work by then, not going to bed, which meant I had been awake for 24 hours. 

I thought about how good it was to have Matt back, but it was also a little bit hard, mostly because it brought back memories of things I had tried to forget.

But no matter what, it was such a good feeling to have him back within calling distance.  I marveled at the way we just seemed to pick up from where we left off. 

I wanted to call him, just to make sure that he got back OK, but decided against it.  He was probably asleep.

I hugged my pillow, as I lay curled on my side, just feeling happy. Smiling foolishly as I remembered the way we'd been play-wrestling a few hours before.  Falling asleep still thinking about him.

****

It felt like two minutes had gone by since I lay my head down on the pillow when I was woken up by the phone.  I thought about ignoring it but that was impossible, as the ringing just wouldn't stop.  

Groaning, I reached for it and listened, "Hey, Cassandra?" came Derrick's familiar voice. "Hmmm," I mumbled, lying back down and closing my eyes.

"Are you Ok?" I heard him ask, detecting concern in his voice, "yeah, I'm fine thanks, how are you?" I asked, suddenly waking up fully, the memories from last night coming back in a rush, 

“Fancy telling me about last night?” I asked, a little bit waspishly.

“What about it?”

“Are you serious right now?” 

“Yeah… what are you talking about?”

“Where were you last night?” I asked

“Chicago.”

I felt my heart drop, so I was right. 

"And where are you now?"

"Just got back  to Miami."

I went quiet, thinking over the information he was giving me.

“Cass?” 

I sighed, not knowing what to say, second guessing myself, and my right to be upset about him failing to tell me that he was back in the country, not sure if I should have been informed. 

“I’m here,” I said softly. 

“Listen, I’ll pass by in like an hour and we’ll go for lunch, ok?”

“What time is it now?” I asked, not feeling like going anywhere, I just wanted to sleep.

“Almost midday.”

I groaned, “alright, I should be ready by around 1.”

“Ok. I’ll see you then.”

We hung up a couple of minutes later, I sat up against the headboard deep in thought. Something wasn’t right, something didn’t add up, and I wasn’t feeling happy about it. 

There were doubts in my mind, and so many questions. Regardless of Matt coming back into my life, he was my past, and Derrick is my present. Regardless of my obvious soft-spot for Matt, Derrick is still the person I am in a relationship with, regardless of how dysfunctional it is.  

I felt the need to write; my way of syphoning off my thoughts in order to make them clearer, and to bring things to light which might otherwise be hidden, but I didn’t have time. 

Confused, and still pondering the behavior of my boyfriend, I dragged myself out of bed and headed to the bathroom. A shower was definitely in order, and it would hopefully make me feel a little bit better. 

***

True to his word, Derrick rang the doorbell to my house at exactly 1:00 pm; always punctual. 

I’d managed to get ready in record time; showered, washed, dried, and styled my hair, subtle, light makeup and a pretty knee-length dress with a little cardie in case it got a bit chilly.

I answered the door, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him standing there, “hey there,” I said, hugging him, realising that I had missed him, and I was actually happy to see him.

“Hello Cass,” he said, hugging me back, and kissing me quickly on the lips. “Brought you these,” he added, pulling a beautiful bouquet of roses from behind his back.

“Ooooh,  they are gorgeous,” I gushed, “where were you hiding them?” I laughed, taking them from him and pulling him into the house behind me.

“Let’s get these into some water, and then I am all yours.”

I went through to the kitchen to find a vase, and arranged the flowers in it, "thank you for the flowers, they're so pretty," I said as I brought them through to the living room, putting them on the coffee table where I could admire them.  

"You’re most welcome," he said as I sat down next to him, hugging him and kissing his cheek. "So, how was Paris?"

"Awesome!" he said, and he went on to tell me about what he'd been doing. 

“So, I have a question,” I said, a little bit nervously, “when you called me last night, where were you?”

“Since when have you been all nosy and up in my business, Cass?”

“I’m sorry- I just don’t understand. You called  to tell me that you weren’t coming home last night, but it was way too late for you to have missed your flight- it was almost due to land by the time you called me. Then you call again, drunk and at a club or something, and then this morning you told me you had been in Chicago. I’m just really confused, and I don’t think I am overreacting or being nosy.” I added defensively.

“You are overthinking everything, Cass.” he said simply, “and to be quite honest it doesn’t suit you, and it is a very unattractive trait.”

I was shocked, and left completely unbalanced, surely I wasn’t imagining things? I was embarrassed, and felt humiliated. I hung my head and went quiet. He sighed, “I had this amazing day planned for us today, Cass. I brought you flowers, not just any flowers, mind you. Those are the finest long-stemmed red roses available. I was going to take you to your favorite restaurant, and I had planned on spending the whole day with you. And what do I get? You sitting here grilling me, and giving me shit.” 

I felt a piece of me break, he was making me feel guilty, like I had been unfair to him. 

My eyes filled with tears, I could hear the past tense being used in his sentences, and knew he was building his case,  listing his reasons to cancel his plans with me.  

“Perfect,” he continued, “way to ruin my day, Cass- and now you’re f*****g crying! Be a f*****g adult for once.”

I felt so silly, sitting there in my dress and heels, sobbing my heart out while he watched coldly. In the back of my mind a little voice told me that this wasn’t normal. That I shouldn’t be treated like this, that I deserved better.

“You know what?” he said as he got up off the couch, “call me when you’ve got a bloody grip on yourself. I’m not wasting my time on you when you can’t even f*****g answer me when I’m talking to you.” and with that he left, slamming the door behind him. 

I heard his footsteps on the path outside my house, heard him get into his car, heard him slam the car door hard, start the engine and drive away.

***