"PASSION FOR LOVE"

CHOICES THAT MAKES HER REGRET

Five years have passed. Jim lives a good life with his wife. He married a year ago to someone he met on new year’s eve in their town. She was fascinated with the beauty of the fireworks. Jim started to make small talk to her. They had a good laugh and conversation during that first day of the year. Until both of them don’t realize what has passed, their feelings for each other start to feel connected. He was able to move on from Beige. He didn’t even bother to remember her as he continued to live his life. He understands that their chapter ends already even without knowing the reason why she didn’t choose to keep her promise. He wishes that their paths won’t cross again in this lifetime, so that the heartbreak that he felt for a long time will not be reopened. It took him a long time before he was able to let go of her. He was empty but his wife made her full again. She made him fall in love again with himself, his life and love. Beige looks so relieved and cheerful when she steps outside of the clinic. For the longest time, she kept the truth from Jim. The reason why she didn’t come back to keep her promise is that she found out that she was suffering a serious illness. She had cancer. And when she found out about the offer to write, she knew she had to pursue it. She never told him about her disease because she was too afraid. During that time, she accepts her fate, and that sooner or later she will die soon, and she believes that the best thing to do is to leave that place where they first met so that he will not bear too much pain when she suddenly disappears from this world. That’s why, even though she loved him that much, she didn’t allow herself to face him again so that he could simply learn to move on from her slowly and slowly. Her love for him is as wide as the ocean. She prays for him often and writes beautiful words for him, how much this man changes her, how much this man showed love to her and how much he wants to protect and care for her. All these years, she undergoes chemotherapy from time to time, hoping to heal, hoping to survive and hoping to give their hanging relationship a chance to grow again. Her family is with her along the way. They supported her from her physical needs down to her mental and emotional needs. She can still remember all those times she cried herself to sleep because she missed him. That very day, as she tried to reminisce everything, she was happy to know that God had given her a miracle. It was announced that she is finally cancer free. She was feeling ecstatic at the same time, feeling miserable because she thought she couldn’t make it. She let go of him for years to be able for him to learn to live without her, but now, after hearing the doctor’s prescription, she is still alive and has a great chance to live longer. She somehow regrets everything; she was able to achieve her dreams, but the person whom she promises everything is not on her side anymore. And she is not sure if, after all those five years that have passed, he still wants her back into his life. How would he explain to him that she did it because she couldn’t stand the fact that he would have to bear so much pain when she died? But, doesn’t he also feel so much pain when you also leave him? I mean, what’s the difference? Jenny said to her sister. Beige takes a deep breath and agrees with her sister. She knows that it’s not the same anymore. She knows that on the other side of the universe, Jim has probably moved on already from her. She knows that Jim might don’t want to see her again. That night, she came home feeling so gay. She and her family celebrated the good news and they all had a lovely dinner. When everything was done and quiet already, she went to the balcony of her room. She thinks about him. In her mind, she said, “My love, I’m already free from my illness. Will you forgive me? Will you come back to me? Will you still continue to live this life with me?” She doesn’t know the answer, but at least somehow she knows that wherever he is right now, he is happy for her having to reach her dream of being a writer. She continuously stared at the stars shining from the sky with the thought of what it could have been if she hadn’t chosen to let go of him, what it could have been if she wasn’t too afraid to speak to him the truth, and what it could have been if she didn’t choose to break his heart.