"PASSION FOR LOVE"

SHE AND HER PAINS

It had been many years passed since the last time that Beige and Jim saw each other. For the last three years, they haven't seen each other, they both lived separately without each other. Jim can still remember how many tears he cried that night when he read the last book that she made for him. There she expresses her true feelings for him. Feelings that he cannot take with him. Feelings that were not taken care of very well. Feelings that they both need to let go. His life with his wife and daughter made him somehow able to recover and enjoy life. As a family, they also have their own ups and downs. There was even a time that he got depressed when his daughter was very sick. But, him and Ellaine fight together the urge in life. They maintain a harmonious relationship as one small family. He continues to work to provide for his family. But, his love for her never really went away throughout the years. Painful as it is, Ellaine is aware of how much he still longs for her. She knew that a big part of him was already owned by Beige. She knew how completely lost he was when he said her last goodbye to him. She knew he was never the same right after he found out the truth. They managed to keep a good life, but he was never sweeter. He seldom forgets that he is also married to her. Ellaine felt that for a time, he was so devastated. She knew that she couldn't compete with his first love. Above all else, she knew that she wasn't Jim's greatest love. Jim was terribly miserable when he lost the love of his life. But, Ellaine's utmost respect for him is always there, because he still chooses the best thing to do. She knew that Jim had learned to love her. It's just that she can't replace her to his heart. In her mind, she was the only mother of his child. The woman she married a long time ago. She had to endure lots of pain in order to be with him because she loved him more than herself. She loves her life and her family. She knew that she couldn't truly fix him, but she also knew that all this time she was there for him. As she tried to look back on those times that he was feeling and bearing the pain inside, he usually went home so drunk and hopeless. He hated the world for a while. He hated himself for never waiting. He even hated himself for not hearing her reason first. But, Ellaine most especially hated herself for loving a man who loves someone that he can't seem to forget. When she got pregnant with their daughter, she thought that it would be enough for him to not look back on his past with Beige. Sadly, he was even more attached to the idea of their love that was not favored by fate and destiny. For him, it was an unfinished love. She didn't know how to feel during those times that he made her feel so low. He was distant. He forgot to be happy. Ellaine was frustrated but she knew that she needed to fight for him, for her daughter and for their marriage. She never cursed Beige, but she just simply wished that she and Jim shouldn't have met. She loves him so much that it hurts. But, her deep understanding of him makes their relationship keeps going. She showered him with so much love. She gave her body, heart and soul. She gave everything. She and her pains are a living testament of how much she truly cares. She never fails to make him feel so special, even if there are many countless times that she caught him alone and looking at her photos. She cried herself to sleep, but she couldn't let go of him either. She couldn't be able to stand to see him walk away again. That's why she chose to live with pain on a daily basis, hoping that one day the man that he learns to love will eventually move on from his past love. It was never easy to love someone who still holds grudges from his past. It was never easy for her to see her husband looking so desperately lost in love, even though he already had the closure that he needed with Beige. Sometimes, loving someone hurts so much. It's like loving someone in the dark. You want to touch, feel and see them but the chance is very low. It's like loving someone from far away. You know that there is only a small possibility that they can reciprocate his or her whole heart for you. For a moment, Ellaine reflected on her life and journey. Unlike Beige, she never regretted anything because she knew that what she did was all out of love. She will forever hold him. She would never let go of him. She is the only one who stays for him. When Jim was back after a month of his training session, she organised a romantic dinner date for the two of them. She was very excited about hugging and kissing him after not seeing each other for a while. She took a shower and took her daughter to her parents' for a night. She wears her favorite dress but, most importantly, she wears her most beautiful smile. Later that night, when he arrived, she was waiting for him outside and excited to hold his arms once again. Jim smiled at her and gave her a tight hug. She whispered to him how much she missed him. They both shared the dinner that she made. She asked him to share his experiences. They had a great night with each other. That night, she felt so alive to have him back. She knew that she wanted to take good care of him till the day she died. She knew that she had to love him forever. When they were about to go to sleep, because he was tired from the whole trip. He decided to get a book first to read something. When, suddenly, one of the books fell on the floor. It was the book written by Beige for him. It was a moment of silence for the two of them. She knew that again and again, he remembered her. She just volunteered to get the book. He agreed and immediately went to their room. As she picks up the book, she badly wants to get rid of it. For her, it's a great reminder of Beige to Jim. But, she can't do it. She knows how special it is for him. She can't ever take away the past. So, she just decided to get it back to the cabinet while shedding her tears. That night, she realized that instead of overthinking things. She would just rather keep her pain and would just focus on their own love story. That night, she swears to herself that she will let him forget her. She will be with him no matter what. She will be the one who stays. She would be the one to lift him up. She would be the one to help him get over her. She will be the one who will love him forever. It was an undying love that not a single pain would try to hinder their love for each other. For her, it was meant to be. They are meant to be.