06
1235 Words
CHAPTER SIX
The Version That Stayed
I stare at the screen.
Preview image—
Neil.
The timestamp says forty-two seconds.
Forty-two seconds should not feel dangerous.
But suddenly my hands feel cold.
I don’t open it.
Kit notices.
Of course he notices.
He notices everything.
He doesn’t say anything.
That annoys me.
Because I almost want him to.
I look at him.
“…You watched this?”
His eyes move to the phone.
Then back to me.
“Yes.”
Immediately—
anger.
Hot and irrational.
“Why?”
His expression stays calm.
His answer doesn’t.
“You asked me to.”
I blink.
Oh.
Right.
Future Me apparently has a hobby of ruining my life.
I look back at the screen.
Untitled.
Neil.
I suddenly don’t want to know.
Because if this is fake—
I don’t want proof.
And if it’s real—
I don’t want that either.
My thumb hovers.
Kit quietly turns and starts walking away.
I look up.
“Wait.”
He stops.
I frown.
“You’re leaving?”
His face changes slightly.
Like he’s surprised I noticed.
His hand rubs his neck.
“You’ll probably want privacy.”
Oh.
Right.
Because it’s Neil.
Because in whatever this is—
Neil mattered.
Maybe still matters.
Kit looks uncomfortable.
Not threatened.
Not jealous.
Something worse.
Prepared.
Like this part always happens.
That thought catches.
I stare at him.
“…You already know what’s in it.”
He nods once.
I swallow.
Then—
“Stay.”
The word leaves before I think.
His eyes lift immediately.
I regret it instantly.
I look away.
“Just…”
I shrug.
“If this is a cult I’d rather not be alone.”
One side of his mouth moves.
Tiny.
Almost a smile.
He sits at the far end of the kitchen island.
Not close.
Not far.
Like somebody trying very hard not to take up space.
That annoys me too.
I open the video.
Neil appears.
Immediately—
my chest hurts.
Not because of memory.
Because he looks familiar.
Comfort familiar.
Home familiar.
Video Neil smiles.
Same smile.
Warm.
Easy.
But his eyes—
his eyes look tired.
Not exhausted.
Just…
sad in a practiced way.
Like somebody who already survived something.
He looks into the camera.
Then laughs quietly.
“Well.”
He scratches the back of his neck.
“If you’re seeing this…”
Pause.
His smile gets smaller.
“…that means you forgot again.”
Again.
I close my eyes.
Neil notices.
Not really.
But it feels like he does.
Video Neil sighs.
“Okay.”
He nods.
“You hate emotional speeches.”
True.
He smiles.
“So I wrote one and then deleted it.”
My mouth twitches.
That—
that sounds like him.
His expression softens.
“Hi, H.”
My chest tightens immediately.
I don’t know why.
He keeps talking.
“You’re probably scared.”
Pause.
“You’re probably trying to fix this.”
Pause.
“You’re probably making lists.”
Pause.
“You’re probably pretending you’re fine.”
I hate everybody in this timeline.
Video Neil smiles.
Then says—
“Take a breath.”
I stare.
His eyes shift briefly.
Then back.
“You always forget to breathe when you panic.”
I look away.
Video Neil exhales.
Then—
“There’s something I need you to know.”
His smile fades.
He becomes serious.
Not dramatic.
Just honest.
He says—
“This wasn’t cheating.”
My head lifts.
My eyes move instantly to Kit.
Kit doesn’t move.
Video Neil shakes his head.
“No villains.”
His eyes soften.
“You loved me.”
My throat tightens.
His smile comes back.
Small.
“God.”
He laughs once.
“You really loved me.”
My chest hurts.
Video Neil nods.
“We had good years.”
Years.
Not months.
Years.
He looks away briefly.
Then—
“You stayed longer than you should’ve.”
Silence.
I stop breathing.
Video Neil looks directly into the camera.
“That wasn’t your fault.”
His expression stays calm.
“We kept trying.”
Pause.
“We did therapy.”
Pause.
“We traveled.”
Pause.
“We moved.”
My stomach twists.
He smiles sadly.
“We tried to become people who fit.”
The kitchen feels quiet.
Video Neil continues—
“And eventually…”
His eyes lower.
“…we stopped making each other happy.”
I swallow.
No.
No.
No.
Because breakups are supposed to have reasons.
Betrayal.
Distance.
Something.
Not—
this.
Video Neil rubs his thumb over his hand.
Like there used to be a ring there.
He says quietly—
“The hardest part…”
His smile fades.
“…was nobody did anything wrong.”
Oh.
That one lands.
I stare.
Video Neil takes a breath.
Then—
“If you’re wondering whether Kit stole you—”
His mouth almost smiles.
“He didn’t.”
My eyes move.
Kit still hasn’t moved.
Video Neil shakes his head.
“You found each other.”
Found.
Not chose.
Not stole.
Found.
I hate that word immediately.
Video Neil smiles softly.
“Honestly…”
He shrugs.
“I think you spent years pretending not to.”
I stop breathing.
No.
No.
That’s impossible.
Video Neil notices my face.
His expression softens.
Then—
“You’re making that face.”
I hate him.
He points.
“That one.”
My mouth closes.
Video Neil smiles.
“Yeah.”
He nods.
“I know.”
His voice lowers.
“You don’t know him yet.”
His eyes flick off-camera.
Then back.
“But I do.”
Silence.
Then—
“He took care of you.”
My stomach twists.
Video Neil smiles.
Small.
Private.
“He loved you well.”
The room feels smaller.
I don’t look at Kit.
Video Neil takes a breath.
Then—
“And if you’re trying to choose…”
My eyes snap up.
He smiles.
“Don’t.”
I freeze.
Video Neil shakes his head.
“Don’t pick based on guilt.”
Pause.
“Don’t pick based on history.”
Pause.
Then—
“Pick the version of yourself that feels most alive.”
Silence.
Video Neil smiles.
Same smile.
The one I know.
Then—
“And if you pick me…”
His eyes soften.
“…I’ll understand.”
Pause.
His smile gets smaller.
“But if you don’t…”
He shrugs.
“…I already did.”
My throat closes.
Video Neil looks into the camera one last time.
Then says—
“Oh.”
He grins suddenly.
“One more thing.”
Pause.
“You still owe me eighty dollars.”
I blink.
Video ends.
Black screen.
Kitchen.
Silence.
I stare at my reflection.
Then—
without warning—
I laugh.
Once.
Then twice.
Then—
I start crying.
Not dramatic crying.
Not collapse crying.
Just—
tears.
Because I don’t know why I’m crying.
I don’t remember him.
But somehow—
I miss him.
The kitchen stays quiet.
Kit doesn’t move.
Doesn’t speak.
Doesn’t comfort me.
Just waits.
Eventually—
I wipe my face.
Look at him.
And ask quietly—
“…Did I love him more?”
Kit looks at me.
Long enough that I think he won’t answer.
Then—
very softly—
“No.”
I stop breathing.
His eyes stay on mine.
And he says—
“You loved him first.”
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