An Alpha's stepdaughter; fate or free choice

Chapter 3: Dahnya's mother, Estelle

I am looking forward to the next update on my baby girl, Dahnya. She will have grown up so much during the past six months. I wish I could have eyes on her all the time, but I should be satisfied with a comprehensive update every six months. I may not be with her during the ordinary or special days of her life, but at least I can still see her and hear her voice on recordings. I glance at her photo on my bedside table. Her beautiful auburn hair and hazel eyes. Her kind smile. Mommy’s little angel. It has been so many years since I last felt her little arms around my neck and her butterfly kisses on my cheek. I remember the way she always called to me, seemingly out of nowhere from the couch, just to say “mommy, I need a hug”. I can’t think about that right now, my heart hurts too much if I dwell on it. She would never have stopped loving me if I had remained in her life.

If things were different, if fate had held out or if I could travel back in time to avoid running into Jack. But, that was when I was still the mom she deserved, before that fateful day. Who am I kidding, though? I can't survive without Jack. He is the air I breathe.

Maybe, one day, you'll understand that I had no choice, baby girl. But I could never explain this to you. I don't think I'll ever have a chance to tell it like it is. No ordinary human would understand how a mother could up and leave her husband and only daughter, for a life with someone else. Never looking back and forsaking all chances of physical contact in the future. I don’t know how often you think of me. At least you were very young when I left, so the hurting should be no more than a distant memory for you. I was gone for the majority of your life. Your dad has also moved on and I hope he is happy. I do wish him nothing but the best. I can’t tell you two how I feel, you have no idea I even exist. So, instead, I replay my thoughts in my head. Having makeshift conversations where I explain myself and my selfish actions. Hoping for forgiveness.

In the weeks before I left, every fibre of my being ached to be somewhere else. I longed to be in my mate’s arms. I had become but a shell of my former self. It was more than love and lust, it was a persistent, aching void in my existence. I could no longer function like I used to. I could not go through the motions of eating, drinking, sleeping, working, or mothering you like I used to. I loved my daughter and her father, but it was like I had become terminally ill with no hopes of ever recovering. I remind myself that I made this decision in everyone’s best interest. Also in Dahnya’s and her father’s. Robert would probably never see things from my perspective, he’d think of me as a woman who ran away, lusting after another man. A woman who abandoned her family. A disloyal woman, a bad mother and wife.

He would be wrong in thinking this. Fate chose for me and if I wanted to feel whole again, I had to leave. I wanted the best for my daughter and her father, Robert. And having me moping around, being too depressed to get out of bed or give them a happy home, would not be best for them at all. I had my mind made up, I would not abandon my daughter entirely. I would keep an eye on her over the years. I would help them financially where I could, without their knowledge, of course. I used to feel happy and whole, but after I met Jack and realized who we were to each other, I become less, for I had run into my other half.

The day I found out about my mate and our bond, was the day my dream of the perfect little family living in the suburbs was crushed. My reality was different, I was destined to be with someone else. Even more so, I could not exist without him by my side.

I had no right to rip Dahnya out of her world. I had no right to expect her to be a part of my new life. I met up with my mate, explaining that I would only leave and stay by his side if we could formulate a plan to let Dahnya and her father continue with their lives as normally as possible.

At first, I wanted to stage my suicide. I would drive to a cliff and “jump” into the ocean, never to be seen again. It seemed like the perfect plan. They would eventually stop the search for my body. But, I was worried sick that this would leave them with worse traumas. Never knowing why, or what they could have done to keep me alive.

So, instead, Jack arranged to stage a car accident. To Dahnya and her father, I was dead. Dead on impact. Killed in an explosion caused by that fatal car accident. They had nothing to bury, but at least they had time to process their loss and close that chapter. They would never understand otherwise. And this way, Dahnya could remain blissfully unaware of the creatures that go bump in the night. She was human, or mostly human, after all. There’d be no need for her to get involved in our world. Dahnya was but six years old. She would have many loving memories of me to cling to. Her last hug and kiss would have to be enough to get me through the rest of my life. I close my eyes several times a day and relive that feeling, her little arms around me, her soft voice. She was and still is my precious girl.

Jack and I met with his lawyer and figured out a way to deposit enough money into Robert's account so that he would have time to mourn and look after Dahnya. We disguised it as a trust fund opened by my birth parents, which I had, apparently, never known about. The trust fund was paid out to them automatically when the bank learned of my "death". After all, they were my only known beneficiaries.

My mate and I continued to send pack members on missions, to see how my little girl was doing. We would get photos and reports, even short videos and voice recordings. These pack members would mingle around for a few weeks, close to Dahnya and her father. That is how I learnt that my husband, Robert, was heartbroken for the first two years, but then he met someone who became special to him. It was such a relief. I truly wish Robert all the happiness in the world. The happier he is, the happier Dahnya can be. I never had any feedback showing Dahnya with Robert’s girlfriend. I don’t know how they get along. I hope there is an affectionate bond between them. I don’t know if my baby had any female role models throughout the years, but I know her dad has done a great job raising her.

All that aside, today is a joyous occasion for me. Jack has just dispatched one of our warriors on their first Dahnya-mission. My baby turned 17 this year! She has become a lovely young lady. I’ll soon have updated photos, recordings and video footage of her.

Levi left early this morning. He should have eyes on her by this afternoon, sometime after school comes out. I can’t wait! Levi is a good boy. He just turned 20 over the summer, and I am close friends with his mother and father. I wonder if Dahnya will allow him to have a decent conversation with her, once in a while. He has our permission to chat with her when he eats at the diner and considering his appetite, that could happen at least a few times a week. If he could get to know her, even just a little bit, I might get to know her better, through him. I’ll take any snippets I can get. Anything to help me feel closer to her.

Also, I can’t help but wonder about Dahnya’s future. Did I pass on my werewolf genes? I am a hybrid myself, half-human, half-werewolf. All my life living in the city, I always felt like an ordinary human. I didn’t know about my heritage until I met Jack. Until I felt him and accepted who and what I was. Technically speaking, she should be at least one-eighth werewolf. But, like me, when I was her age, she might not have a clue. Would she have a fated mate? Or does she already have a boyfriend? If her mate is out there, I hope, for my baby’s sake, that she meets him very soon. Before she falls in love and starts a family life she cannot continue.