After Midnight

Chapter 15

Harry was discharged yesterday night. We couldn’t go to his family’s house because just as I thought, he didn’t want them to worry, and we also couldn’t go to mine. . .for obvious reasons.

We decided to crash at one of Harry’s filthy rich friend’s place, considering he was generous enough to give us the entire third floor for a week until Harry healed completely. Then, we’d find our own house. Until then, we had to compromise.

“It’s so pretty,” I gushed as we entered the guys house. I had never really seen a man dressed in a black and white uniform open the door for us other than in movies, so I was kinda awed. Who would blame me? I love to be surprised.

“Yeah, I love it,” Harry smiled down at me.

A boy just around the same age as me emerged from corridor with a bright smile on his face. His get up seemed. . .suspicious—I tried not to be too judgmental about the metal in his brow and the black nail polish coating his toe nails. His dressing seemed just like a guy but. . .

“He is straight, if you’re wondering,” Harry whispered in my ear, making me jump a little.

How he always knows what I am thinking will always be a mystery to me.

“Welcome, you gorgeous couple!” he squealed, further enhancing my doubts.

I c****d a brow at Harry and he just shook his head, smiling.

“Yo man, wassup!?” Justin clapped Harry’s shoulder. The guy who opened the door for us had disappeared somewhere inside the house.

“Good, good. How ‘bout you? How are the holidays going?”

Justin sighed sadly. Though, I wasn’t sure if it was because he felt sad or it was just sarcasm.

“Broke up with Ashley man. Don’t know what’s here prob though. One minute she’s all exhilarated when I buy her makeup, and then the next she just explodes because I don’t deliver her food when she demands at midnight. I mean, man, ain’t I got no life of my own?”

I swallowed the laughter that build up inside me. However, Harry didn’t. He laughed with Justin like old friends did.

I cleared my throat. Both men looked at me.

“Oh, you must be tired,” Justin pointed out the obvious. My stomach growled. “And also hungry.”

Beside me, Harry chuckled and I resisted the urge to smack him.

“Eddy!” Justin called out. “Is the table ready? It better be.”

From somewhere inside, an old lady’s voice called out, “Yes darling! It’s ready!”

Justin clapped his hands in excitement. “Food is ready! Lets run!”

We followed Justin into the heart of the house. I paused to examine the pictures lining the wall to my west. They were so unique, different women twisted in awkward angles staring at me, almost crying for help. I was so glad they were dressed unlike women in most paintings.

“I’ll get you paintings for our new home,” Harry said, observing my reaction. “If you want.”

I scrunched my nose. “No. I just want pictures of us in our house.”

“Where are you guys!!” Justin yelled.

We hurried along our way.

Dinner was amazing. I actually had a lot of fun chatting with Justin’s Mother who was the sweetest woman after Harry’s Mum. She didn’t once make us feel like strangers, and got so excited when I told her about the baby. What was about babies that sparked joy inside everyone?

Harry met me in the bedroom, closing the door shut behind him. I think I even heard the lock click in place, but I wasn’t sure because I was enjoying the calm and silence the night brings.

“You seem. . .relaxed,” Harry commented, observing me. He leaned against the wall and watched me with interest.

“I am. Nobody could hurt you here.”

He sighed, but it wasn’t out of frustration. It was more like a soft blow of breath. “Always worrying about me. Wanna know why I am happy?”

I glanced at him with expectant eyes.

He grinned a boyish grin. “Because I know you’ve eaten and I can sleep with peace tonight.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course. You’re always just fussing over my food intake.” My eyes fell on his arm that was in a case and supported by his neck. I nodded at it. “How is your arm? Do you need painkillers?”

“I just need sleep. And so do you.”

Oh, I couldn’t disagree with him. “I’ll be back,” I whispered and disappeared inside the lavish bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. What the. . .what happened to my face? What happened to my body? What. . .who am I? Who is this girl staring at me? What has happened to her?

I resembled a ghost, rather than a healthy woman who was expecting. My breath hitched. Harry was so right. I looked as if I hadn’t eaten in weeks. My cheekbones were so prominent, the jawline sharp as a knife. I could literally feel every bone in my shoulder; even see it.

A silent gasp escaped my lips.

I wasn’t even caring about my baby. How could he/she be healthy when I was so thin? How would my baby be getting all the nutrition when I barely ate anything at all?

I pulled up my shirt and touched both my hands to my stomach. I couldn’t feel the baby moving—obviously—but the feeling was there. It brought a smile on my face. I turned to the side and examined the bump in the mirror. It was not that noticeable, but still there. I could see it growing every day.

I was such a strong girl, every one said. But would they actually consider me strong with this weak, fragile body? I know how strong I am on the inside, but people could be mistaken otherwise. But why did I care what others thought of my body? I own my body. I live with it. And I love it. I love every inch of myself.

A knock sounded on the door. “Hey, everything alright? What’s taking so long?”

I took in a shuddering breath. “Yeah, everything’s fine,” I said loudly.

The door flew open. Harry met my eyes in the mirror and noticed my hands on my stomach. I dropped them and turned to face him. He looked like he would find relief in punching him saying how his jaw clicked into place and his hands balled to fists.

I cleared my throat. “I’ll be out in a min—“

“You’ve been doing this on purpose, haven’t you?”

I just stared at him. What does he mean by that?

“Doing what?” I rasped, unsure where this was going.

He grinded his teeth in pure anger. “You’re not eating, not taking care of yourself because you don’t want this baby. That’s utterly disbelieving.”

If any ounce of happiness had made home inside my heart, it shattered all over. My stomach recoiled with something—I couldn’t tell what. Maybe his words? After all, he just blamed my sickness on me, as if. . .Oh my God—He thinks I would do this to my baby?

“Are you in your senses?” I whispered in horror. My body shook with fury that was overpowered by the feelings from earlier. “You think I would purposely do this to myself—to my baby?”

“Our baby,” he emphasized. His eyes travelled to my tummy and he stared for a second before looking at my face again. “How could you do this to my baby?”

Perhaps it was hurt I felt—a blow I had never had below. Harry’s word felt like a fist choking my throat, restricting my oxygen intake. I felt as though there was a stranger standing across from me, and not my Harry, because only a stranger could assume such thing.

But Harry? I had never—ever once considered the possibility of him blaming me for something I myself am worried for.

I don’t realize I was crying until my vision blurred and sobs raked through me. At this point, I didn’t care if I was at my weakest, or if Harry didn’t make a move to hold me and whisper that he didn’t mean any of that. When he left me alone with my demons, it became clear he meant everything. It meant he blamed me for trying to hurt our baby.

For what felt like an eternity, I cried until the tears had dried and there was nothing left inside me except for the ache in my chest that grew deeper with every breath I took in.