Love Among the Stars

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

“Captain, are you all right?”

ZalAna’s voice broke into my contemplation of the report in front of me. Or at least, the report I was fake-reading while my mind was somewhere else. On someone else.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine,” I answered with a wave of my hand. We were supposed to be going over the latest reports from the labs before making a tour to get in-person briefings. We’d been at it for a few hours, and I was doing my best to fool her. I thought I’d had her convinced.

“Majel, privacy mode.”

Or maybe not.

I blinked and looked up at my second-in-command as Majel made sure the room was private. I narrowed my eyes, but ZalAna simply smirked, which was an odd expression on her face. She lay aside her tablet and pierced me with a red-eyed stare.

“We have the briefings in the lab in less than an hour,” I reminded her as sternly as I could.

ZalAna just looked at me for another moment, and when she spoke, her voice was soft. “Captain, we are friends as well as colleagues, are we not?”

I sighed and set down my tablet. “We are. You know we are.”

She nodded. “Then tell me what is going on with you. Does this have to do with Commander Sousou?”

For a split second, I considered denying it. ZalAna would see through it, of course. But if I insisted everything was fine and that Sol had nothing to do with it, she wouldn’t push. At least she never had before. Yet there was something different in her expression today that made me question it.

But the truth was, I needed to talk about it. For the better part of a week, ever since Sol had left my quarters, he’d been avoiding me. I’d gotten the crazy idea in my head that maybe, just maybe, he’d felt something more toward me as well. And that if we could just talk, get to know each other better, then things would move forward. Toward something I was yearning for—him and me, together, sharing our space and time. And hearts.

Even I thought that was fanciful. But it didn’t stop me from wanting it.

I looked at ZalAna, and her expectant expression, and simply caved.

I’d heard the old Terran expression “diarrhea of the mouth” when I’d studied the Ancient Languages in the academy. Until that moment, I never really understood exactly what it meant. Everything spilled out and into ZalAna’s waiting ears. I kept the intimate details to myself. Not only was it none of her business, but I didn’t want to share them. But everything else, she heard.

“Have you tried talking to him?” she asked.

I stared at her incredulously. “Did you miss the part where he’s avoiding me?”

ZalAna pinned me with a glare. “You’ve tried cornering him in the mess hall, or when you’ve run into each other on duty. Of course he doesn’t want to talk to you then.”

I let that sink in. “Huh.”

“Get up, Captain. We’re due in Sector Thirteen.” She straightened her uniform shirt, then reached for her tablet. “They say they’ve got a prototype for a warp drive that actually works.”

I snorted a laugh as I mimicked her motions. “I’ve heard that before. No one’s managed to successfully create anything faster than an FTL drive.”

“Yes.” ZalAna stopped as she approached the door, allowing me to go through first. “But after all, is that not what we are trying to accomplish here? Being able to go where no one has gone before?”

“I suppose. If space travel is your goal. Me? I like staying in one place.”

She rolled her eyes, the most Terran thing I’d ever seen her do, and shooed me out. I went with a good-natured laugh.

* * * *

It took me another three days before I managed to come up with a plan I thought both appropriate and appealing. I wanted to talk with Sol about everything that had happened, and see if I could get a feel for whether he wanted the same thing I did. I tried not to get my hopes up, and gave myself a mental pep talk to prepare to be disappointed. Just in case. If he didn’t want me, I’d have to accept that graciously, and assure him nothing between us needed to change.

In the end, he came to me first. I’d just finalized everything and was about to put in a call to him, inviting him to my quarters that even for dinner, when Majel came through with a request from Sol to see me at my earliest convenience.

Curiosity warred with my plans. I had half a mind to see him immediately so I could find out why, after a full week of actively avoiding me, he was suddenly requesting a meeting. I had hope that it was because he worked out whatever was going through his mind, and he was finally ready to address the feelings between us. Of course, there was another part of my mind that wondered if he was going to ask me to stop trying to speak with him.

That thought made me pause, and I decided I wanted to be in my quarters where I could mourn the loss in peace if that was what it came to.

“Majel, tell Commander Sousou to join me for dinner in my quarters at nineteen hundred.”

“Yes, Captain.”

And then I left the office and headed home, so I would have time to prepare for his arrival. Though dinner was being delivered, I still wanted everything to look nice. I was trying to woo him, after all. But not so nice that he would be uncomfortable if that’s not how he wanted things to go.

The whole time I was getting things ready, I kept going back and forth about what would happen. Half of me was convinced that I would get exactly what I wanted. The other half was certain that Sol wanted nothing more to do with me. I wasn’t usually so indecisive, and it galled me that I was so tied up in knots over Sol. I was the commander of a space station, for God’s sake.

But I wanted him. I wanted to know what he looked like, comfortable and at ease while lounging on the couch. What he looked like when he laughed. What he sounded like late at night after talking for hours. I wanted to know his deepest desires, his biggest dreams. I wanted him completely. I wanted him to be mine.

The thought that I might not get that was devastating.

Sol was right on time. At nineteen hundred on the dot, the chime sounded and I crossed the room to let him in. I didn’t allow myself to give into the bout of nerves threatening to overwhelm me. I smiled and pressed the panel to open the door.

But the moment I caught sight of Sol’s face, my grin slipped. He looked terrible. Haggard and worn, and the frown marring his muzzle made his whiskers droop. I ushered him inside, placing a hand on the small of his back without thinking about it. I didn’t misinterpret the way he leaned into me. But the way he straightened just a second later was worrisome.

“Sol, what’s wrong?”

He gave me a wan smile. “Dinner looks nice.”

Not an answer to my question. I stared him down. “I don’t care about that. What’s wrong? Are you ill? Did you get bad news? Please tell me.”

I stepped closer, almost unconsciously, and was gratified when he didn’t step away. But his expression darkened even further, and he looked truly sad. I held my breath because whatever he was about to say couldn’t be good.

“I’m not ill, exactly. I did get news. May we sit?” His voice shook a little, but I could see how brave he was trying to be. My heart pounded; I was truly worried now, and I ushered him toward the couch. It was comfortable and soft, one of my favorite pieces of furniture in the whole of my quarters. And I wanted him to be comfortable.

“Whatever it is, you can talk to me. I’m here for you.”

Sol nodded as he settled in. I didn’t know where to sit myself, unsure if he wanted me close. In the end, I decided to go with my instinct, and my own need, and sat beside him. Not so close that we were touching, but only a few centimeters away.

When Sol didn’t start talking, I wanted to push. To insist. To demand he tell me right now. But instead I bit my tongue to keep from blurting out any of my thoughts and let him take all the time he needed. It was pure torture, but eventually it paid off. He took a deep breath.

“I am fo kust.” He glanced at me, and when he realized I didn’t know what that was, he said, “Gravid.”

Even then, it took me a few seconds to figure out what he meant. “Wait. Wait. You’re pregnant?”

He nodded solemnly.

“How?”

“I think you know how.” And there was the tiniest hint of humor in his voice.

But this wasn’t the time for humor. “Did you know this could happen?”

“No.”

That was it? That was all the answer he was giving me? I shook my head in disbelief. “You didn’t know you could get pregnant?”

He blinked at me, then scowled. “Of course I knew. I am mrwohan. That is what that means.”

Right. Of course. I should have put the pieces together. There was so little I’d known about the Ssarften that I hadn’t really thought it through to the ultimate conclusion. Child-bearers weren’t decided by gender in their race, but by being mrwohan. I was supposed to be a genius.

“I did not know it could happen if both partners were not Ssarften,” he continued and my brain had to struggle to get out of the new revelation and focus on his words. “It was the reason my cycle was shorter than before. Because I’d conceived.”

I was nodding to show I was listening, but as the words caught up to my racing brain, I went still. Stared at him. Let my eyes travel down his body to his belly, then back up again to his face.

“Wait. What?” I sucked in a breath, then pointed at his stomach. “My baby is in there?”

“Yes, Brody.” And his tone was very grave. “But do not worry. I will raise our children to be the best they can be. They will want for nothing on Ssarfta. I promise you this.”

My mind screeched to a halt. “What?”

Sol gave me an incredibly sad smile. “I must resign and leave Elovaris for my homeworld.”