DESIRE

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

WINTER BRAY

Tonight, was the night. My first party. I couldn't let the judgemental feeling vanish, because of all the things I had heard. People getting drunk and screwing up in some kind of way. Relationships ending. Parties in general... Not a good idea.

I knew I didn't fit in. I would never fit in where getting drunk, kissing strangers and playing stupid games would be the main priority. I had never been a fan of the idea, but I knew that Nadora would make me against my own will. So, basically, I had no choice. My heart's pace got faster the closer the time got to when Nadora would arrive. I had no idea what to expect or what to do if Nadora left me alone. Sure, I got used to being on my own since I didn't have any friends in the past, but now I didn't know how I would handle the feeling of being alone in a big crowd. I knew everyone would stare at the lonely girl in the corner who stood all by herself.

My mother called what seemed like a hundred times, wishing me a happy birthday, and she kept on telling me how sorry she and dad was that they were unable to make it home. I, once again told them, that It was fine, and that I had made plans with Altin and Nadora. I didn't mention the party because I didn't want my parents to think that I had changed to something or someone I wasn't. All I told them was that they would come over and we would order some pizza, watch a movie.

Theo still acted strangely, and we hadn't talked or seen each other since his disappearance. Should I worry? Or should I stop over-thinking everything? I realised; I always did when came to Theo. I always thought about everything, I couldn't help it. His mysterious nature and his way of speaking didn't make any sense. He didn't make any sense. I let out a loud sigh as I paced around my room. He was strangely strange, but I felt drawn to him every day. Something told me that it wasn't right, that I didn't have the right to feel drawn to him. Maybe the rumours were starting to get to me? No way.

The more I waited, the more my uneasiness, my panic rose within. I tried taking deep breaths, but it didn't help. Not at all. Why was I this anxious? Going to a party meant coming out of my comfort zone. I hated trying new things, and probably would continue to. I got frightened that I would end up embarrassing myself in front of everyone... Stop overthinking, Winter! I couldn't stop it, because my biggest problem of the night was my outfit. I had no idea what to wear. How did you even dress for a party? What if someone saw my wrists by accident? I had to cover them. Every time I looked at them, I felt ashamed. I was weak at the time, and I would never do such a thing to myself ever again.

A knock on the front door made me gasp from the slight shock which shivered through my body. Nadora must have arrived. I felt my hands shaking as I walked closer to the door. This would happen. There was no way out. I gulped down the lump in my throat and slowly opened the door. I think my jaw dropped to the floor, with my eyes wide. It wasn't Nadora, but Theo.

He leaned against the doorframe, glancing up at me. My breath hitched. He looked exhausted like he hadn't been sleeping for a decade. However, he still looked gorgeous, even with his hair sticking in different directions and the weird red stains on his shirt. He was a hot mess. Although he looked good as he always did, I had had enough of his games. I was done with trying to get close to him because I knew I would end up being the one who got hurt in the end, and I wasn't ready for that. He shut me out, ignored the fact that I showed desperation every time he was around me, and when we would talk again, he acted like everything was fine between us.

"What are you doing here, Theo?" I asked in slight defeat and annoyance.

"Are you okay? Are you safe?" Theo ignored my questions completely and started his own... Again... He spoke in pure desperation, but I didn't think much of it. I wasn't going to give in to him anymore, I would stand my ground and get my answers.

"Why wouldn't I be safe? What's going on?" I replied, asking him once again. The desperate look and sound of his voice disappeared instantly as the questions had left my mouth.

"Not to worry. I shall be going, then." Theo sounded cold, distant. He turned to leave, but this time. It was my turn to take charge of things... Stand your ground, Winter. You can do it.

"Don't you dare walk away from me again, Theo Cohen!" I snapped in frustration. I had had enough. He was right in front of me, and now I would get those answers "Don't show up at my house after your little disappearance, and act like it was nothing, because it wasn't nothing. You vanished almost right in front of my eyes, and as far as I'm concerned, that's not even possible!" I was angry with him, with myself. I had these stupid feelings, and I knew he didn't return them. He would never return them.

Theo still had his back to me, and I noticed how his broad shoulders tensed. He hadn't moved or talked, until now "There are many things that are possible which you don't know of, Love." His voice turned calm as it always was, but the distance hadn't vanished. He stepped further away, and more anger bubbled up inside me.

"Please, stop walking away," I begged. Now, I was the one speaking with my words laced with desperation "I know you need space, and that you don't trust easily. That I figured, but I have given you your space, and I can't take it anymore. I have had enough of you playing games with me," I looked up at Theo who had turned to face me. He towered me, the look on his face got shocked, but it softened.

"I wasn't nor am I playing games with you, Winter Bray," Theo replied. He made me feel vulnerable, and the courage left my body instantly. As he towered me, I felt intimidated and got forced to look away from his beautiful eyes. He cupped my cheek in his hand, but I still didn't have the courage to look at him. I felt hurt, played. I didn't know if I should trust, believe his calm, soothing words.

"Look at me,"

"Why?" I asked as if I was being oblivious. I knew if I looked into his eyes, I was done for. I had gotten under his spell, he had gotten underneath my skin.

"Please..." My eyes met his. Right then and there I saw every emotion which they carried. He showed a special vulnerability. A vulnerability which I had been needing to see.

"Please... Give me the answers to my questions, which I so desperately want," I said softly. His eyes turned dark just like previously... I couldn't deny it any longer, and I wasn't going to. I felt something. Something for Theo Cohen. His voice, his eyes. He was something out of the ordinary, and I felt attracted to him because of it. Maybe we were the same after all. Two people who had been misunderstood throughout their whole life, who had a hard time.

"I can't, Winter,"

"Don't! Don't do this. Please, stop pushing me away, and shut me out, Theo. I'm going insane at this point. I mean, I have so many things inside my head, so many unanswered questions. Like, how did you know my exact address? Why were you gone for a week, and suddenly your eyes are on full display, after my so many tries to take off those stupid sunglasses? How could your skin be ice cold and suddenly this warm, it doesn't make any sense," I breathed heavily, and I took a deep breath, before continuing "Did you do it for popularity, is that it? And you suddenly disappeared in front of me. Plus, you could control Mr Hendrix, like no one else. Not to mention your eyes," I stopped and studied his so beautiful eyes, which were staring right back at me "They always remind me of lapis lazuli, but somehow, they turn three shades darker every time we're together. So please, Theo," I was rambling until I was out of air. I close my eyes once again and felt the oxygen filling up my lungs.

Theo's hand hung loosely by his side and wasn't cupping my cheek anymore. The coldness returned as soon as Theo had retreated his hand. He stared at me with that same intensity, which gave me shivers down my spine and made me feel so intimidated.

"You must know this, Winter Bray, everything I have ever done was to protect you," Theo said calmly, but I could tell by his eyes, that he worried, panicked.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Protection? I don't need protecting-"

"Yes, you do!" Theo cut me off angrily. My eyes widened at his sudden tone, and his eyes turned almost black at this point.

"You are in danger, Winter." Theo's body came closer to mine, but I couldn't help but flinch as he rose his hand again. Theo's eyes darkened, but then he saw me flinch. His own eyes widened, and his whole face and posture softened.

"You're afraid of me." He whispered in shock, more to himself than me.

"No, no, Theo. Please ju-"

"How could I have been this stupid? Of course, you are afraid of me." Theo took his hands to his face and massaged his temples "And you don't even know the half of it." He spoke quietly without looking at me, probably hoping I wouldn't hear.

"What? Tell me." My words dripped with desperation "You can trust me." I took his hands away from his face, the dark eyes hadn't disappeared. I didn't know what this was, or what was going on. I just had to know.

"Don't get feelings or fall in love with me," Theo warned, but quietly. I held his hands in mine, the warmth returned.

"What if I already have?"

Our eyes met and something clicked. Something changed in the way he looked at me, and suddenly every word vanished. Everything I wanted to tell him disappeared from my mind. Everything vanished around us, it was just the two of us.

"Don't." He warned me as his breath fanned over my face, but I knew he thought the same as I did. I didn't dare to speak as he stared at my lips. My heart was beating out of my chest. Would he kiss me? If he did, would I kiss back? How could I even know if I was good at kissing? What if I was awful and things would become awkward afterwards?

He leaned closer just a tiny bit, and I got more nervous, but at the same time I couldn't resist, and I knew he couldn't either. His hand slowly snaked around my waist, he was so delicate in his movements, like I would break. His lips hovered over my own, and right then and there, our lips met. They touched. It was so light, so gentle. It finally happened. I wanted this, so much. I didn't think I would be able to want something or someone this much as I wanted him right now.

"Winter!" A high-pitched voice said full of excitement. Theo and I broke apart, and I wanted his lips right back on mine. Theo quickly grabbed my face, kissing me hard, in panic. My breath got taken away by his way of kissing me. He pulled back, staring deeply into my eyes, speaking.

"You won't remember this moment,"

"What are you doing out here?" My head snapped over to see Nadora in a way too short, black dress. I guess that's how you dress for a party...

"I was just-"What was I even doing here? Standing alone, outside in the cold? "I was waiting for you," I answered, trying to cover up my first sentence with a cough. Nadora nodded in response, and we went inside.

I got delighted by the fact that Nadora didn't question anything about my room, maybe it was because she was too excited about the party, that she forgot to take notice. She had brought at least 7 dresses, and they all were short-sleeved. Plus, they were way too short for my liking. Nadora herself wore a beautiful black dress. It only just covered her butt cheek. However, the details covering the dress was amazing. The beading on this garment was beyond what I had ever seen.

"Which one would you like to try on first?" Nadora asked with a hopeful glint in her eye.

"Nadora, I appreciate this. I really do, but those dresses aren't my style. They are way too short, and to be honest, I don't think they'll fit me." I said gesturing toward my tall figure compared to her small one. To be honest, I couldn't care less about those dresses. I felt sick all of a sudden, a headache bothered me so I couldn't focus.

"You're right." Nadora sighed in acknowledgement. I walked over to my closet and looked through my own garments. I didn't own a lot of dresses, so finding one that would suit this event, would be difficult.

"That one is pretty! You're wearing it!" Nadora said happily, clapping her hands together. The dress was black, long-sleeved, off-shoulder. It reached just above my knee, and at the waist, there were two stripes of see-through fabric. It was simple, neat. I couldn't even remember buying or wearing it. My mother probably bought it some time ago without telling me.

"You don't think it's-"

"No! You are wearing it." Nadora cut me off sternly. I could only nod in agreement, not wanting to argue any further, and just get this over with. Hopefully, this headache will disappear soon.