DESIRE

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

THEODORE COHEN

Gripping my hair tightly, I groaned loudly. I wasn't oblivious or actually; I was. I had no idea the kind of problems she dealt with, but then again, if I thought about it, she had been through so much all ready. It had affected her in some way, and it was only now when I saw how much. I was the most stupid guy on this planet.

Every time when I had made up for my behaviour, I would do something to make Winter doubt my trust (more than she already did). She had no idea what she was doing, neither had I. Sure, I had more experience than her, but the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing was just as new to me as it was to her. She didn't need to know that, however, if she did, she would end up overthinking even more.

I sighed as I heard the door to the bathroom close. I had hurt her again. I had gotten too obsessed about her transformation for her own good. It was important for me, that she would learn the techniques, but I realised that maybe I expected too much of her.

Of course, she thought to kill was wrong, and deep down I knew that, but then again. Something in me was afraid. Afraid, that if she didn't learn. It would only be a matter of time before she would become the monster, I had been. My old habits were now coming back as a fear. Fear, for Winter. What if she became like me, too addicted to human blood? Becoming an undead killing machine. Once I had her. I lost her.

Walking out of the spare bedroom, I found Winter sitting on the couch. She looked as beautiful as ever. Those light blue jeans fitted her perfectly, and the rose-coloured, knitted, sweater looked good as well. I had great taste in women's clothing.

Finally, Winter looked up at me. Her eyes darkened slightly as she glanced over at my tall figure. I wanted to smirk, but I didn't because when her eyes turned back to normal. I notice that they were slightly puffy, and right then and there, a feeling of guilt and regret exploded within.

"Winter-"

"Good, you're ready. Shall we go?" She cut me off immediately, not letting me get a chance to speak. Taking a deep breath, I walked toward the door, and I heard Winter's small steps follow. Outside, the whitest snow and the tall trees surrounded us. I saw Winter's eyes light up at the sight, and a small smile made its way onto my lips.

"It's beautiful." She whispered in awe "I love the snow like this. Untouched." She then looked down at her hands "I don't have any jackets." She muttered without casting me a glance.

"You won't need any jackets; you'll keep yourself warm," I replied looking at her. However, she continued to look at her hands.

"Of course, lead the way." She responded, glancing at the sight in front of her. Her hair looked so beautiful, even though the sun never shone here, I could see her face's beautiful features. Hearing the sound as my foot crushed the snow underneath, there was a thick tension in the air.

"Will I ever get my memory back?" I heard Winter asked from beside me. I guess, she couldn't handle the thick tension either. A feeling of relief rushed through me because, now I knew, she didn't give me the silent treatment completely.

"It should come back in pieces, so yes. However, it might take some time." Humming in response, Winter remained silent. I hated when she was silent, I wanted to know everything she thought about. I wondered strongly of what might run through her mind at this moment.

A sudden feeling of determination entered my mind, and I stopped in my tracks. Winter, who had noticed I stopped, looked me in the eyes for the first time since we left. Her eyes held confusion, and a little wrinkle of thoughtfulness made its way onto her forehead.

In the next moment, I stormed toward her, but she didn't move. Her body froze, she couldn't process any words, before I had pushed her up against the tree, which was behind her. I placed my lips on hers in full determination, not caring if she kissed back or not. She let out a moan of surprise, and to be honest, I would have been surprised too.

I held her hands over her head and pressed myself against her, so she couldn't escape. She liked it unpredictable, fine. I would give her exactly that. Pulling back, I placed my forehead against hers. She panted quietly with her eyes closed.

"Why did you do that?" She breathed with her eyes closed.

"I wanted to kiss you." My voice resembled hers. I let go of her hands and held her face instead, her expression was unreadable "Tell me what you are thinking-"

"Why is it so important for you, to know what I'm thinking at all times?" Winter said loudly in annoyance. I stepped back, giving her space.

"I'm sorry, Winter," I replied, ignoring her question. Suddenly her face turned blank, not showing any kind of emotion.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you did nothing wrong." We both know that's a big, fat lie... Her voice was flat as she spoke, and I faced away from her, groaning loudly in frustration.

"I'm sorry for everything, Winter. Trust me, I really am. I'm trying my best here, just like you. Sometimes I say or do things I don't mean, but I'm not an expert on this either." I took a deep breath "It's so important for me, that you learn this-"

"Why is it so important? I mean, since you apparently 'took care of everything', we should have endless of time!" She said sternly, harshly.

"I don't want you to end up like me I was a monster, Winter. I killed innocent people, because of this disgusting hunger, that I'll live with forever." I tried to control my frustration, but to be honest, I wasn't certain how much longer I would be able to keep it at bay. Winter's eyes kept darkening and that could only mean one thing.

"Stay here, I'll be back with something for you," I added as I started to walk away. I sped through the forest, trying to find some kind of animal, I felt my anger disappear. The night was approaching as the stars appeared in the sky. Searching through the woods, I found nothing. Not one single animal.

I gave up on finding anything, so I decided to go back to Winter. The scent of blood caught my nostrils, it was animal blood. Speeding faster through the woods, I could hear the snow falling onto the ground as I sped past. I neared the location; I was almost there. I could smell it. The blood.

I got stunned by the sight in front of me. Winter was on her knees while her head was almost buried inside a deer. The sight shocked me, but I couldn't help but be a little proud of her. Her head retreated, and Winter panted slightly.

"Winter," I whispered from behind. She gasped and spun around. Once she saw me, it was like she came to a realisation. Her eyes widened as she wiped away the blood which fell from her lip. Her head jerked back toward the lifeless deer. Winter clasped her hand over her mouth in shock.

"I'm sorry, I-I was so hungry, and when... when I saw the deer, I-"

"Winter, it's okay. I'm proud of you." I broke her off, but it didn't reach her ears.

"I didn't want to kill it! I don't want to be a vampire! I hate this hunger!" She yelled as tears formed in her eyes. I crouched down to her level and used my thumb to wipe the fallen tears away, but she turned her head to the side.

"I hate this..." She whispered pained.

"I know." I sighed as I pulled her closer to my chest. We got met by silence. It was slightly tense, but Winter eventually broke it, much to my pleasure.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened today. I really am," Winter spoke. I gently kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry too. I know what I said this morning hurt you, and I wish I could take it back," She hummed "It has been some confusing days, exhausting days," She hummed again.

"Can we please just forget this? I don't like when things weren't good between us,"

"Of course, Darling." Winter retreated her head from my chest and took my face in her small, delicate hands. I gave a confused look, but all she did was blush. She leaned closer to my lips, just a tiny bit. I didn't move, not an inch. I could tell she was nervous, but I didn't stop her because she hadn't backed away. This was her own doing. She could pull back whenever she wanted. Our mouths were inches apart, and just when she was about to kiss me, I felt her lips touch my cheek. I groaned lowly.

"Tease..." I muttered, my hand now stroking her hair. She giggled at me, but she didn't pull back nor could I hear her heart beating out of her chest. Winter glanced into my eyes, then down at my lips. Once again, if she wanted something, she would have to get it herself, and luckily, she did. Our lips barely touched, but it was enough for me. As long as I felt some part of her, I would be satisfied. She pressed her lips against mine with the most delicate movement I had ever seen from anyone or anything, she truly was something else.