Where Ashes and Oaths Collide

Chapter 19: Clawing at Hope

“Don’t,” Luz snarled, the word sharp and dangerous. “Don’t ever repeat what he said to you. You have no idea what you are inviting.” His voice dropped to a dangerous whisper, his face inches from Amelia’s. “Mestre Escuro is not fighting for anything noble or honourable. He is fighting to break the world apart piece by piece until there is nothing left but ash and shadow. And he thinks–” Luz broke off, his jaw clenching as he visibly fought to contain the surge of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. “The only reason I am still here is because of you,” he forced out through gritted teeth, the confession tearing at his carefully constructed façade. “He sees you as leverage– a reminder of everything I lost and everything I am supposed to be protecting.”

His gauntleted hands trembles as they hovered near Amelia’s face, desperate to touch her but unable to risk it. “That is why he was ‘polite’– because having you around keeps me from falling completely apart during missions like this one.” His crimson eyes burned with bitter irony. “Every time I sent innocents to die defending meaningless forts and pointless cities, seeing you face, reminds me why it matters to keep fighting instead of just ending it all.” The tent suddenly felt suffocating, filled with the weight of six years’ worth of lies and sacrifices hanging between them. Amelia stood up and framed Luz’s face with her hands. “Hey, it’s okay. You are not alone anymore,” she said clearly. “Whatever happens I am right here beside you.”

The warmth of her hands against his cheeks was an anchor in the storm raging within Luz. His entire frame shuddered, his crimson eyes closed for a moment, savouring the contact he had dreamed of for years. “You should not say things like that,” he whispered hoarsely, his own gauntleted hands coming up to rest over hers. “You have no idea what you are promising.” When his crimson eyes opened again, the amber was dominant– raw emotion breaking through the cold façade he had spent six years perfecting. “If you stay beside me, you will see me fall apart piece by piece. You will watch me become the very thing I am trying to destroy.” His thumb traced along her jawline protectively.

“No,” Amelia said stubbornly. “You will not fall apart. Because I will be here to keep you together.” The absolute conviction in her voice cut through the storm of doubt and corruption raging inside Luz. For a moment, his entire world seemed to stop– the crimson in his eyes flicker wildly, the amber struggling to break through completely. “Gods, Amelia– you do not understand,” he breathed, his voice cracking with emotion. “I am poisoned. Literally poisoned, every day it gets worse, and one of these days it is going to win.” His gauntleted hands tightened on his wrists, desperate for her to comprehend the danger she was facing. “You think you can hold me together? I am barely holding myself together as it is. The man you knew– the knight who promised to come back safe– he is gone.”

“Stop saying that,” Amelia said frustrated and irritated. “I still see the man you were. In every word you say, in everything you do. If you could keep yourself together for six years alone. Why would it be any harder with me by your side?” Her irritation– her sheer refusal to accept his self-pity or give up on him– was more effective than any argument he could have made. Luz’s breath hitched, his crimson eyes widening slightly as he processed the simple logic behind her words. “Because you are a distraction,” he countered weakly, but the conviction had already begun to drain from his voice. “You make me hesitate when I should not. you make me think about things I can’t afford to think about.”

His thumbs brushed over her wrist gently, the gauntlets feeling clumsy compared to the familiarity of her touch. “But maybe,” he admitted quietly, leaning his forehead against hers so their breaths mingled between them. “Maybe having someone to fight for is better than fighting alone.” “Exactly,” Amelia breathed out in relief. “The opposite of darkness is hope and love.” Hope. Love. Words he had not dared to let himself consider in six long years of ashes and blood. The combination of those words spoken by her– the woman who believed in the man he used to be– shattered something inside him. The amber in his left eye won the battle completely, flooding his vision with warmth as tears welled up unbidden.

His gauntleted hands shook as they cupped her face more securely. “You have no idea what you are doing,” he choked out, his voice thick with emotion he had suppressed for too long. “Saying things like that– I can’t–” his lips crashed against hers again, this time desperate and messy. The kiss tasted of salt from the bitterness of years spent fighting a war he would no win alone. The kiss was a storm of pent-up emotions– years of loneliness, guilt, and desperate longing pouring out through his lips. The gauntlets framing her face were unsteady, shaking with the force of his internal breakdown. He tasted like ash and rain, like the battlefield where he had sacrificed everything. When he finally pulled back for air, his breathing was ragged and uneven.

“This is why I should not have let you stay,” Luz muttered against Amelia’s skin, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. “Every time I look at you, I remember what I am fighting for– and what I am losing. His crimson eyes were swimming with amber now, the black veins on his chest pulsing wildly as his control weakened under the onslaught of hope she was insisting upon. “You do not understand what happens when I lose control,” he said weakly. “Luz,” Amelia pleaded. “Do not say that. stop making it sound like you do not want me here. Because I know you do.” The plea in her voice cracked his defences further, his armoured hand dropping to her waist and pulling her flush against him as if she were the only solid thing in his crumbling world. “You are right,” he confessed harshly, his forehead pressing against hers. “Gods help me. I have been wanting you here since the moment I saw your face in the crowd.”