THE TWINKLING

CHAPTER 4 MAKING FRIENDS AINT EASY

As he fumbled with the cuffs, he asked, “How did you break ‘em anyway? Do you even know?”

I told him the truth, “I don’t have a clue.”

Shaking his head, he said, “Well, this is one for the books. Maybe they’re defective or something, huh? I just can’t believe a little thing like you could break them.” With that said, he walked out of the room and locked the door.

I sat on that bunk staring at the door for a long time, thinking to myself; how could a good day have turned so bad? I had forgotten to ask my mother to call Anna, but I figured she would. Anna is also considered part of the family. I began to wonder again, why was I so wet? I lifted my hand to my nose and sniffed it; I didn’t smell anything unusual, so with the tip on my tongue I licked the back of my hand. I tasted sweat, regular old sweat. I had perspired enough to soak all of my clothes and my hair was dripping! What was this, early menopause or something? I lifted my blouse and sniffed it; it smelled funny, like I had been in close contact with an animal. Again I thought, ‘What the hell is going on?’

The officers had taken my cell phone, watch, all of my jewelry; even my belt when I arrived. You know, I can understand everything except the watch. What did they think I was going to do, try and wind myself to death? I continued to wait for someone to come and give me some answers. When the door finally opened, it was about five hours later. Officers Buffalo and Randolph walked in, and Officer Buffalo said, “It’s time to go now, Jade.”

I didn’t say anything. I simply held out my hands to be cuffed.

“That won’t be necessary. I don’t think you’re going to try and run, and I don’t want to lose another pair of cuffs.”

Officer Randolph laughed. “Bosey, I don’t believe you, man! You’re a real head case. She didn’t break those cuffs; they had to be defective or something! The chain link was loose from so much wear and tear. I mean, how many people have had those things on, maybe hundreds, right?”

“Yes, Henry, all of that could be believable; except O’Brien just got those cuffs this morning. I was there when she took them out of the box.”

It was Officer Randolph’s turn to look blank and bewildered, and say, “Then they were defective, factory error or something. Come on, let’s go, the Judge is waiting for us, man! You don’t want to cuff her, Bosey?!” He turned to me and said, “I don’t want any trouble out of you. Okay?”

I rolled my eyes, but stayed silent, I was exhausted! On opposite sides of me, the two of them led me out. We looked like the famous Jade and her entourage. As we walked toward the door, I could hear people whispering about me. Of course, all sorts of ideas were running through my mind, from breaking out into song to yelling out, dead woman walking! Instead, I kept my head held high and my eyes straight. I’m a Stillwater, we bend we do not break! I stayed like that all of the way back to the car.

I fell asleep on the way, so I missed all the pretty scenery. We pulled up in front of a small professional building, very suburban and relatively new. I was taken into a very small courtroom; fifteen people tops could fit in it. I looked around for my family, but I didn’t see anyone, not even Gene. I was really frightened, and after everything I had been through, I was trying hard not to cry.

I sat in the chair that was obviously the defendant’s seat. There were three other people in the courtroom; a woman and two men. I wondered who they were right before I thought, ‘No, I don’t give a damn! Just let me out of here now, please!’

Officer Randolph carried all of my things in a brown bag and sat it on the table between them. They were seated at the seat usually reserved for the D.A.. I stared at the bag and dreamed of home when one of the men walked over to their table. He had white hair and a mustache that shadowed the big grin on his face, was six-feet-two, with a stomach that screamed, “Gee, you think that last beer was too much?”

Showing his badge to both officers, he said, “I’m Detective William Fence, spelled like it sounds. I’m with the Philadelphia Police, 19th District. What you boys got here? Anything good?”

Both officers stared at him like he had just crawled out of the sewer asking for change. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to notice this. His attention was focused on the bag holding my things when he asked, “What’s this, evidence?”

Officer Randolph glanced at Officer Buffalo and winked before saying, “Yeah, that’s evidence! See that woman over there,” pointed to me. “We think she’s with those goons who planted that bomb in Haverford last month. We’ve got some of the explosives right in this bag.”

Detective Fence’s eyes grew large. “You’re shitting me.”

Officer Buffalo took it from there; with a very serious expression, he added, “No, man! She just ran into the station today yelling, “Kill all the white people,” and waving this bag around. After we dropped her, we opened the bag and it was filled with explosives. She could’ve killed us all. I almost s**t myself. In fact, I still feel like I got diarrhea!”

Detective Fence pushed out what was left of his chest; mostly it was his stomach growing larger. Then, he said, “Boys, I’m a Philadelphia detective first class. I see s**t like this every day. Mind if I take a peek?”

Officer Buffalo pushed the bag closer to him. “Be my guest.”

Officer Randolph jumped to his feet asking, “Are you crazy? What about that hair trigger the bomb squad told us about?”

Officer Buffalo jeered, “You heard the man; he’s a professional! He sees s**t like this seven days a week. He can handle it. Can’t you?”

Detective Fence looked nervous, and I tried hard not to laugh. I was actually aiming for that blank O’Brien stare. It must have worked because Detective Fence forced out his huge chest/stomach, and boasted, “You boys heard about that killer in West Philly offing some kids, haven’t you?”

Both officers nodded their heads.

“Well, if they’d had me on the case, there wouldn’t be eight kids missing now.”

Officer Buffalo asked, “Really? And, why is that?”

“Because, Will Fence would’ve caught the son-of-a-b***h by now, that’s why! I’ve got eyes in the back of my head when it comes to lowlifes, man!”

Officer Buffalo again with that perfectly straight face said, “Well, that must be really useful if one doesn’t want someone sneaking up behind them, huh?”

Detective Fence continued with, “Yeah, well.” He stopped for a moment to scratch his stomach. “They got some colored detectives on it. I mean, they know their people so much better than I do. Besides, I figure with that neighborhood, it’s probably the parents killin’ and eatin’ them; trying to make that welfare check last longer! You know what I mean!” He laughed most heartily; belly shaking, tears falling freely, the whole thing. He again did not notice no one else was smiling or laughing along with him. However, I knew then, whatever joke those officers were about to play on that man, I was definitely in on it!

Detective Fence finally stopped laughing and wiped his eyes while bending over the bag, saying to Officer Randolph in a horrible imitation of a child’s voice and laughed again, “Don’t worry, little man. Papa will keep you safe from those nasty old explosives. So, don’t you cry. Okay?”

Officer Randolph replied nervously, “Okay. It’s on your head, but I’m going over there.” Walking over to stand by the wall, he added, “You’re crazy, man!”

I couldn’t believe those guys were wasting their time being police officers, they should have been on the stage somewhere! Detective Fence placed both hands on the bag. I decided to get into the act by moving to the seat across from me. The man and woman in the back left the room altogether. Detective Fence sweated, pulled his hands away and wiped them on his pants. Swallowing hard, he ripped the bag open. Both officers at the back of the room yelled, “Boom!”

Detective Fence was extremely agile for such a large man; he ran, jumped about four feet, threw his considerable body face down on the floor and covered his head with his arms. Everyone present laughed. I was hysterical, forgetting where I was and why. I mean, he looked like a mad Santa taking a nosedive. Detective Fence got up real slow, and he was not pleased at all. I couldn’t stop laughing. I love the theater.

Detective Fence walked over to the officers who were giving each other high and low fives, and shouted, “You bastards! Who the f**k do you think you’re playing with, huh? So this is how you treat your fellow officer, huh? I could have both your badges for this s**t!”

Suddenly, the laughter stopped. Officer Randolph said, “It was a joke. Lighten up a bit, why don’t you.”

Alas, Detective Fence was not in a lightening up mood. He had been disgraced. Fence spat angrily, “A joke! He says it was a joke! You play this kind of joke on me?! You f****d with me in front of her?” He pointed a stubby finger in my direction. “Well, f**k you!” He pointed to Officer Randolph. “And you!” The finger stabbed toward Officer Buffalo. “And, most of all, you!” His finger finally rested on me.

Detective Fence turned to the officers again, and hissed, “You think I’m going to let you get away with this, you f*****g morons?! Like I said, I could have your badges for this s**t! But, I don’t want ‘em; I’m going to take my time on this, just like you did. You planned this s**t and I’m going to get the both of youse back!” He looked over at me and growled, “In spades.”

Officer Buffalo asked, “What’re you talking about, Dude? We didn’t plan anything. We just met you. I’ve never laid eyes on you before today. I’m sorry about the joke, but I think you’re taking this thing too far. What do you say we all