Before you were famous

7: Loss

I can hear faint beeping the room is really light. I try to speak, but my throat is dry. I try to open my eyes, they feel heavy. My whole body hurts. “water...” Is all I can get out. I feel someone next to me. “Shhh... it's okay here is some water.” I can tell it's Lizzy, but she sounds strange like she was crying. I take a sip of water my eyes slowly opening. I don't recognizer the room I’m in. “Where am I?” Lizzy takes my hand in hers. I can hear her softly sob. “You're in the hospital Claire-bear.” She sniffs and wipes her face clean. “What? Why what happened?” I feel panic build up inside me. The last time I was in hospital was after I had been attacked. “Lizzy please tell me David didn't do this!” I cry out. “No, no, no, no nothing like that. Calm down you collapsed at home last night. I rushed you here.. We were so scared Claire...” She starts crying again. “What do you mean 'we'?” I quickly look around the room, but I don't see anyone else. “Why did I collapse?” She squeezes my hand. “The doctor said we should wait for him to come talk to you.” I can tell she is hiding something from me. “Dammit Lizzy tell me what happened I don't want to hear it from a doctor I want to hear it from you!” I cry out. “okay, but please stay calm...” Lizzy moves closer to me. “Claire did you know that you were pregnant?” My stomach turns at her question. “No, that's impossible I'm on the pill!” She shakes her head. “No, honey you were pregnant... last night you lost the baby.. The doctors believe you were under too much stress and your body just couldn't handle it all...” I start crying. How was this even possible. I had only been with Damian and I did drink my pills. “but the pill Lizzy...” I try to plead with her. I try to convince her they are wrong. I felt an emptiness I hadn't felt before in my life. I was mourning someone who I didn't even know was there. “The doctor said there is always a chance. They think you were about ten weeks along.” We both are crying now. “when you said earlier that 'we were so scared' who else did you mean.” Hope starts to fill me up. Maybe Damian was here to grieve with me. “Do you remember I told you about the guy at the diner...”I nod. Lizzy goes quiet for a moment. “Well Claire I believe you know him.” Just as she says it a familiar figure appears in the door. It's Devon Fisher, Damian's younger brother and my once best friend. I hadn't seen him in years. Tears are forming in his eyes as well. He walks over to me and grabs me in a warm embrace. “Hi, Claire it's been so long!” I'm happy to see him, but sad that it wasn't Damian instead. “How did you find me?” I ask as he pulls a chair to my side of the bed. “Damian called me the day after you left New York... He asked me to come have a look to see if you're okay... He's a wreck Claire I haven't seen him like this in years... You know after what happened.” Tears fall down my face and I quickly wipe them away. “If he was so hurt why did he send me away? Why isn't he here to check on me?” Lizzy squeezes my hand reminding me to stay calm. “He couldn't come... I'm not suppose to be telling you this... Damian has an ex-girlfriend named Maddie Greenwald. I assume you know about her?” I nod. “Yes, his hairstylist friends mentioned her once.”

“Well she did not like that Damian was seeing you. She somehow got hold of information regarding David. She knows he's in jail for r**e, but she doesn't know that he r***d you. She threatened to go to the press with the info if he didn't leave you. He was scared that the info would lead back to you and how the world would perceive your relationship with Damian. He did it to protect you.” I feel my stomach drop. All this time I was so angry at Damian for sending me away. I didn't for one moment stop to think about why he did what he did. It is quiet in the room while Devon gives me a chance to process everything. I silently sit and watch Lizzy and Devon they clearly have something going on with the stolen glances they give each other every now an then. “How did you two get to each other?” I break the silence. I just needed one second to forget about the pain. Lizzy speaks first. “Well, as I told you he came into the diner every night. I guess checking up on you... Anyway Saturday night we finally talked and he spilled the beans about everything. I was going to tell you everything last night after your date with Dustin.” She looks over at Devon apologetically. “I don't understand Lizzy if you knew all of this why did you encourage me to go out with Dustin?” I feel anger towards her for keeping the truth from me. “I needed you to decide for yourself even if this was Damian's way of protecting you he still broke up with you and he did it to protect you. If you knew what he did you would try to call him and makes things ten times harder for him.” I reluctantly agree with Lizzy. “It still hurts... all of this hurts so bad! I wish he was here...” I try not to cry, but the tears keep coming. “I’m sorry Claire I called him last night, but he didn't answer his phone. I left him a message,” Devon says trying to sooth me. “It's okay Devon it's better for all of us if he stays away... It will hurt less.” Devon tries to say something else, but Lizzy stops him. “We should go and let you get some rest.” Lizzy pulls Devon up from his chair and walks out of my room. It doesn't take long before I drift off to sleep.

~

I wake up to a loud crash. The room is pitch black. “Hello? Is anybody there?” Nobody answers me. I get out of my bed slowly walking to the door to try and switch on the light again. The light is dead. I call into the hallway, but there's nobody there. 'hello Claire long time!” I hear the voice from inside the room. I scream I know that voice and it scares me. “David what are you doing here?” I try to leave the room. My feet are heavy. “Now is that anyway to speak to your long lost lover!” David cries out angrily. He comes closer to me grabbing my wrists hard. He forces a kiss on my mouth. I retract as far away from him as possible. “Please David let me go!” I struggle in his grip. “Let me go David! Please let me go!” I beg and plead, but he keeps tightening up his grip. “I hear you were pregnant with my brothers child Claire! Now you know how I feel about the two of you! How dare you w***e around behind my back again! Do I have to teach you a lesson again?” He roughly pushes me up against the wall forcing his hands inside my robe. “Maybe I should put a real baby inside you!” I try to struggle from his grip. A loud scream escapes my throat

~

“Miss are you okay?” A nurse is shaking me awake. I struggle to come back to reality. “Miss you were screaming are you okay?” The nurse looks at me worried. “I’m fine, sorry I had a bad dream.” I sit up in the bed trying to look calm. “Oh, don't apologize sometimes with the trauma it's normal to have bad dreams. I think it's the brains way of trying to process the trauma.” She hands me a glass of water. “You should rest to regain your strength I believe the doctor will release you tomorrow.” I take the glass from her and thank her.

Lizzy brings me home from the hospital and helps me to bed. I feel much better, but I'm still sore and weak. My heart still feels empty, I wasn't sure how I was ever going to be okay again. I was mourning my child and Damian. Somehow I felt more broken now than I did 5 years ago after coming back from the hospital then. I remember that they had given so many pills to drink to stop me from getting STD's or being pregnant. Back then I was so petrified to be pregnant with that monsters child. Now I wished to be pregnant if that meant that I could have a piece of Damian with me forever. “Okay Claire I'm heading out to class. Are you going to be okay by yourself?” Lizzy places a glass of water next to me. “I'm going to be fine. I think I'll take a walk a little later.” I look out the window it was a beautiful day. “Fine, but don't over do it and you call me if there is anything you need.” I laugh at Lizzy she was acting like a real momma bear. “I'm fine Lizzy... I’ll be okay and I promise to call you if I’m not. Now go to class before I walk you to them myself.” She reluctantly agrees and leaves me in peace. I pick up a book and start to read trying to clear my mind. I'm only able to read about five pages when the silence becomes unbearable. I Sigh heavily and get out of the bed. I grab a blanket, my book and my cell phone. I slowly make my way out the dorm room to the front court yard. There is a big oak tree in front of the building where I usually go sit under and study. I find a quiet spot under the tree opening my blanket on the ground. I lean against the tree looking up at the sky. The clouds are starting to build up heavily above me. I think I hate storms now. “It looks like rain... You should probably go inside for shelter.” I don't open my eyes to look at the person in front of me. “The rain doesn't bother me...” I stop mid sentence that voice sounded familiar. I slowly open my eyes tears starting to form in them. “Hi, Claire...” Damian is standing hunched down in front of me. I push my body forward wrapping my arms around him holding on to him. He smells so familiar. 'please don't let this be a dream...” I whisper. “No, this isn't a dream... I'm sorry I left you Claire! I'm sorry that you lost our baby... You will never know how much regret I will carry with me.” He cups my face in his hands kissing me softly. “Don't say that just promise me that you will never leave me again.” I cry nestling my face in his neck. “I will never leave you again! It's you and me baby from here on! Now come I want to take you home.” He helps me up from the ground. “But I am home...” I say confused. “No, I’m taking you home to New York. You can finish your studies there. I want to start a life with you Claire.”

 “Okay, let's go home...” Damian embraces me and we walk hand in hand to my dorm room.