Before you were famous

6: Senior year begins

I arrive back in Texas to Lizzy waiting for me at departure. I cried most of the flight back getting lots of disgusted looks on the plane. I didn't care my heart was shattered and nobody could make me feel any worse. To top it off I had a nightmare at the hotel again. Leaving me with only a few hours of sleeps since I was terrified to go back to sleep. The moment I saw Lizzy's face I felt a wave of relieve wash over me. “My god Claire you look like s**t!” She declares grabbing my bags from me. I couldn't look her in the eyes. “Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night... The nightmares are back.” I barely say it in a whisper. “Oh, no Claire-Bear and you were all alone. That must have been terrifying.” She wraps me in a warm hug and this is enough to make me cry all over again. “I haven't had a nightmare since before we left for New York... I guess I felt safe with Damian... Boy what a big fat lie that was!” Lizzy shakes her head. “No, enough of that self loathing! There's still a few weeks left of summer break so we are going to forget about Damian Fisher... This time for good and then we are going to start senior year fresh.” I nod and then remember that my mother decided to cut me off financially. Thanks for nothing Damian!. “I can't have fun I need to work to pay for my tuition next semester... Remember I told you my mom called and cut me off...” I sigh. “Don't worry I will help you! We are going to get through this.” I thank Lizzy. I don't know what I would do without her. She was my rock and best friend the only person I needed to keep my head above water. I had been living in a dream world the last 5 years dreaming about somebody who turned out to be exactly the opposite of what I needed. I still couldn't understand why he suddenly went from the best boyfriend in the world trying to make things work. To someone who told me to leave without even saying goodbye. I could accept him not texting or calling the first time, but after I let him in and loved him he still turned around and did this to me. This was not acceptable behavior and it just proved to me that I needed to move on from this and go on with my life. Lost in thought I look over to Lizzy who is silently sitting in the cab studying me. We were almost back at our dorm room and I hadn't spoken a word since we left the airport lost in my thoughts. “You are going to be okay I can see it,” Lizzy suddenly says breaking the silence. “I think so too... I have cried waaay too much lately and it's kinda pathetic. No, more sorry Suzy from my side.” Lizzy smiles at me.

2 months later

“Claire order up! Table two in the window!” Sal the chef calls me over to collect an order. I had been working double shifts at the Diner since I had gotten back from New York. This was helping a lot with my tuition money and also to keep my mind busy from Damian. According to a news report online he had clearly moved on and was dating some blond bombshell actress. This was enough motivation for me to finally accept that I would never see him again. “Thanks Sal I will bring table twelve s order in a second. They are still deciding.” Sal was a big guy. A big Italian guy. He narrowed his eyebrows at me his face searching mine. “You look different tonight Claire. Did you change your hair?” I laugh and grab the plates from the window. “No, Sal it must be the light in here.” He just shakes his head as I walk away. As I give table two their order Lizzy taps me on my shoulder. “What's wrong Lizzy?” She is smiling at me. “Why are you acting weird?” I ask when she doesn't answer me. “Table seven just walked in and asked that you help him.” I sigh. “Lizzy please I'm swamped already with all these tables can't I just finish them up and go home I’m exhausted.” Lizzy shakes her head. “No, he insisted that you help him and I think you are going to want to help him.” She looks over to the table, but I can't see who is sitting there. I feel sick to my stomach. “Please tell me it's not him!” I almost yell it out. “Come on Claire do you really think I would let him in here after what he did to you? Have more faith girl! Now go over there and smile.” I roll my eyes at her stomping off to table seven. Relieve fills me when I see it's only Dustin. Who I forgot asked me out before summer. Oops I had completely forgotten about him. Luckily he is smiling at me when I arrive at his table. “Hi, Claire it's good to see you... I haven't heard from you yet...” He looks sad for a moment, but quickly smiles again. “Hi, Dustin... Sorry I have been working a lot... I kinda fell into some financial difficulties so between classes I try to work as much as possible. Anyway can I get you anything to drink?” I quickly try to change the subject. “Sure how about a drink at O’Reilly when you finish your shift tonight?” I can feel my cheeks flush instantly red. “I don't know Dustin... I'm not really looking for a relationship.. I'm really busy.” For a moment I swear I can see anger flash across his face. “I know about Damian Fisher...” I feel the blood drain from my face the moment he mentions Damian's name. “I also know that he hurt you a lot.. You have been moping around ever since classes started up again. I don't want to rush you in to anything you don't want to Claire. Just give me one drink tonight and then you can decide whether you want to take this further or if we never speak again. We can take this a slow as you want to. If you want snail pace I'm cool with that.” I laugh at him. “Okay, my shift ends at eleven, so if you want to wait I’m going to have to take your order. You know support the needy aka me.” He agrees and orders a slice of apple pie. Lizzy sneaks up on my at the kitchen window still smiling from ear to ear. “So what did he say?” She asks excitedly. “Did you have something to do with this?” I dodge her question. “No, that's what's so great he literally just walked in saw you standing at the table and shyly asked me if I could ask you to be his waitress.” Lizzy stands arms crossed patiently waiting for my answer. “He asked me out for a drink tonight. He was very sweet about it, but it's only one drink so don't get too excited!” I point a finger to her in warning. The last hours of the shift seem to fly by. Finally at 11:15 the last customers leave the diner. I am exhausted, but I promised Dustin a drink so I couldn't back out now. I quickly change out of my uniform and in to my normal clothes which is only a pair of jeans and a plain blue shirt. I quickly fix my make up and hair. When I get to the outside of the diner Lizzy is talking to Dustin laughing up a storm. What is she planning. “Okay bye guys have a nice evening.” Lizzy runs off to her car before I can stop her. Dustin turns to me smiling. “You ready to go?” He opens his car door for me. Such a gentleman. “Thank you.” I get in to his car. For a second it feels like I’m cheating on Damian, but then I remember that he had a new girlfriend so I didn't need to feel guilty about going out for one drink.

There are only four or five people at O'Reilly's when we arrive there. I know it's already very late, but the place is usually packed on a Friday night. Dustin leads me to a table in the corner of the pub. He orders us two beers. He is completely the opposite of Damian. He seems so cocky and confident in himself, compared to Damian who was cool calm and collected. He never seemed out of place and could fill a room with his warmth. Dustin however will walk in to a room and command it. “So I guess you had a really interesting summer?” I can feel annoyance bubble up inside me. I was not in the mood to talk about Damian tonight. “I really don't want to talk about that please...” I can hear my voice c***k a little. “No, I apologise that was a cruel joke. Please forgive me and we can move on from this. Anyway what do you want to do after you finish college?” He asks changing the subject to my relieve. I think about it for a moment, but my mind brings up a blank. “Honestly I don't know... I thought I wanted to work at a magazine or something like that, but now that everything is ending soon I honestly don't know...” Dustin thinks about it a moment. “I agree with you, but my dad has plans for me. He wants me to start interning at his firm from next year and then apply to an IV league to get my degree in law. I honestly don't know if I want to be a lawyer.” I can hear the self doubt in his voice. “What are your dreams then? What do you want to do?” Dustin laughs to himself. “nobody has actually ever asked me what I want to do... I guess I would really love to coach baseball to less privileged kids. I know I will never go pro I'm not that good, but maybe I can teach someone to play and they will become pro.” He speaks with such passion that it fills my heart with warmth. “That sounds really amazing and I honestly believe that you should follow your dreams. You deserve to do what makes you happy.” Dustin reaches over taking my hand in his. “I think I should do that...” The rest of the night we talk and get to know each other. Slowly it starts to feel like I can breath again. Like a weight is starting to lift off my shoulders. When I take the last sip of my beer I feel my stomach churn. “I think I'm going to be sick...” I blurt out before bolting to the bathroom. I throw up twice. I hear a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Claire are you okay?” Dustin asks through the door. “I’m fine... I'm so sorry! I haven't had a beer in a really long time and I ate a tuna fish sandwich at work earlier tonight. I guess they weren't a good combo.” Dustin cautiously walks into the bathroom placing an arm around me walking me back in to the bar. “Let me take you home so that you can rest.” I agree with him.

When we arrive back at my dorm it's already after two in the morning. We softly walk up the stairs to my room. Once we arrive at my room Dustin smiles at me and I feel horrible about ruining the date. “Thank you for tonight I had a really good time.” He says brushing a loose strand of hair out of my face. “Really... I feel like I ruined it by getting sick.” He shakes his head. “No, you were perfect and I would really like to g out with you again.” He slowly leans in and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. It's very brief, but as soon as he pulls away I feel sick again. I hold composure just long enough to say goodbye before bolting to the bathroom again throwing up. Maybe this was my body rejecting a new man in my life. I didn't know, but I felt betrayed by my body.

I wake up the next morning to Lizzy sitting up in her bed reading. “Morning early bird!” I say sleepily. She places her book down on the bed looking over at me. “How was your date?” She asks expectantly. “It was nice... Until I spilled my guts out... literally!” Lizzy narrows her eyes. “what do you mean?” I sit up in bed taking a deep breath. “I threw up...twice! He gives me a kiss and it makes me sick! What is wrong with me?” I ask hopeless. “Nothing! You must of eaten something off... How do you feel this morning?” I think about it for a moment. “Better I guess... Just a little weak and tired.”

“Okay good that means you probably had a little food poisoning.” Lizzy makes me a cup of tea and brings it to me. “Now you just lay down and rest. I will take over your shift at the diner tonight.” I sit up in bed again trying to protest. “No, Lizzy this is your night off, besides I need the money the tuition needs to be paid before Friday.” Lizzy pushes me back into bed. “First of all you don't need millions you have the money for this semester and secondly there is a cute guy who has been coming in to the diner every night this week and I hope to chat him up tonight.” I narrow my eyes at her. “You sly devil! What happened to only dating guys from back home you said all these college guys were still children!” Lizzy throws her pillow at me. “Who says he goes to college here! I won't know until I talk to him tonight.” I shake my head at her and retreat back under my blankets. Staying in today seemed like the perfect day to me.

I vaguely remember waking up to Lizzy telling me she is on her way to work when I drift off back to sleep. I am woken up by someone sitting on my bed. It frightens me. “Whose there!” I yell before fully opening my eyes. “calm down Claire, it's me Dustin...” I feel myself relax. “What are you doing here?” He takes my hand in his. “Lizzy said you still weren't feeling so great so I offered to come look after you... I brought Chicken soup.” I smile and sit up in the bed. I instantly realize I probably look like crap. “No, no you don't need to look after me. I feel a lot better!” Dustin hushes me opening up the chicken soup. He blows on the spoon and then gives me a sip. “I don't mind doing this. I feel like it's my fault you feel awful today.” I swallow my soup. “it's not your fault. I have a theory that the tuna was off.” He laughs feeding me another spoonful of soup. “Well I hope this helps you feel much better.”

Dustin spends the rest of the night with me until Lizzy gets back from work. By then I feel a whole lot better and walk Dustin back to his car. “thank you for tonight. I really appreciate it. You are amazing...” I stop mid sentence Dustin is looking at me in a way I can not describe. I feel my cheeks flush. “No, Claire you are amazing,” Dustin pulls me into his arms kissing me with intensity. I can feel his want and I crave more from him. My head is saying stop it, but my body wants to be held and loved by Dustin. I do not stop him. He slowly leans me up against his car. He kisses me all over my face and my neck it sends shivers down my spine. Again my head is screaming at me that this is wrong. Still I don't stop him. Now his hands are tracing up and down my back. He slowly slips his hand under my shirt his hand tracing up to my breast. I instantly push him away. “I'm sorry...” I whisper out of breath. Dustin groans. “No, it's my fault I shouldn't be moving this fast.” He kisses me on the cheek and gets in his car. “When you're ready to talk about our relationship... if there is going to be one come talk to me. I'll wait for you.” He sounds so sweet and I instantly feel regret. For turning him away. “I will think about it I promise.” I watch him drive away.

“What happened to you?” Lizzy asks when she sees my face as I walk through the door of our room. “I had a really nice night with Dustin. Then we started making out and it got real intense so I stopped him. He seemed kinda angry about it, but he recovered and then said that I could think about what exactly I wanted out of this relationship. It was my choice...” I plop down on my bed waiting for Lizzy to give me her wisdom. She moves her head from side to side frowning every now and then. “well, first of all I think him getting really intense with you after, what two dates? Isn't exactly the most gentlemanly thing to do, but he did slow it down and he did give you the choice on where this relationship is going. Secondly I don't blame you from wanting to take things slow. You gave your heart and soul to Damian and it didn't work out. Dustin has to be patient with you. You have ton be patient with yourself. If you're not ready for a relationship then you're not ready yet. Also don't be too hard on Dustin he doesn't know what you have been through he thinks you had a quick fling with a movie star, he doesn't know about your actual deep connection to Damian or your trauma in the past.” Lizzy let's out a deep breath. “So you're basically telling me that nobody can help me, but me myself only... I don't know what to do. When Dustin kissed me I wanted it so much, but then this intense disappointment washed over me and I couldn't handle him touching me. I don't feel anything for Dustin in the way I’m supposes too... I think?” I put my face in my hands in despair. “No, don't say that you just need a little time remember now you don't know him like you knew Damian. Your past relationships haven't been exactly healthy and this one is starting off real normal.” I nod I know she is telling the truth. I just needed to give Dustin some time. I quickly grab my phone and send him a message. 'Hi, I just want to say thank you for today. I really enjoyed your company. I would really like to see where this relationship can go...' I put my phone back on my bed table. A few seconds later my phone dings. It's a message from Dustin. 'I would really like that too... Why don't you come to my house tomorrow for lunch and then we can talk about it.'

'I would like that I will see you at 13:00?'

'That's perfect :)'

I don't know why I feel so nervous as I walk up the steps of the frat house Dustin lives in. It seems so strange being here in the day and not for a party. I knock on the door... No answer. I knock again. Suddenly the door flies open and a dark haired guy in only a pair of boxer shorts greets me at the door. He clearly looks like he was still sleeping. “Can I help you!” He grumbles clearly annoyed that I woke him. “Umm... I’m looking for Dustin... I'm a little early...” He yawns at me pointing at the stairs. “Go up the stairs second door on the right.” He walks away in to the living room. I slowly make my way up the stairs my heart racing wildly. Not because I was excited, but because this didn't feel right. I reach the door the dark haired guy said would be Dustin's. I hesitate a moment my hand lingering in front of the door. I shake my head trying to calm myself. Just knock dammit. I knock twice softly. There is no answer, but I swear I can hear voices inside the room. I push the door open. Dustin is standing only in his under pants helping a blond girl get dressed. He turns white as a sheet when he sees me. “You're early!” he says annoyed. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn't know you worked on appointments only!” I yell turning around to leave the house. This was clearly a mistake. Dustin sprints after me. “Claire wait! I'm sorry we aren't exactly exclusive so I didn't think it would be a problem if I date other people.” I snort at this remark. “Wow that's really mature! So if I didn't walk in to find you half naked you would have casually gone on dating anyone you wanted!”

 “That's rich coming from you!” He sneers at me. “You go and run off with Damian Fisher and have a blast on holiday. Then you get hot a bothered with me after only two dates. Looks like you're the easy one Claire.” I slap him hard across the face. “How dare you speak to me like that! You have no Idea who I am! And don't you dare speak about Damian Fisher when you have no f*****g clue what went on between us! He is twice the man you will ever be!” Dustin laughs rubbing his face. “If he's such a great man why isn't he here with you right now?” I shake my head and start running back to my dorm. f**k Dustin Raimes that peace of s**t can go to hell. I feel my body burning with such anger it's slowly starting to drain me. By the time I am back at my dorm I can barely see everything is blurry. I stumble up the steps to my room dragging myself to my door. I barely make it inside. Luckily Lizzy is there studying. I can only get two words out: “Lizzy help!” I drop to the floor. 'What's wrong Claire!” Lizzy is on the ground beside me panic in her voice. “My stomach hurts...” and then everything goes black.