BENEATH THE MASK

Closer in silence

The morning light filtered softly through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. For the first time in what felt like weeks, the house was quiet. Peaceful. Almost like everything wasn’t slowly crumbling around me.

I blinked slowly, trying to shake off the lingering fog of sleep. My body still ached, but it was a dull, manageable pain now. The worst of it had passed. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The bruises would heal. The cuts would fade. But the deeper wounds—the ones I couldn’t see—those would take longer.

I shifted slightly in bed, and that’s when I felt it—Ethan’s arm draped loosely around my waist, his body pressed close to mine, his face still buried in the crook of my neck. He was still asleep, his breathing deep and even, his grip on me gentle but firm as if he were afraid I might disappear if he let go.

I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. Seeing him like this—soft, vulnerable—was a rare sight. Ethan was always so composed, so steady. But last night… last night, I had seen a different side of him. A side that needed comfort. A side that needed me.

For so long, it had always been the other way around. I was the one who needed to be strong. I was the one who had to carry the weight of everything, who had to keep it all together. But here, in this quiet moment, it was different. Ethan had leaned on me. He had let himself break, and I had been there to hold him.

It felt strange, but not in a bad way.

I carefully turned my head, just enough to see his face. His expression was peaceful now, free of the tension that usually haunted his features. His dark hair was a mess, and his cheeks were still slightly flushed from the tears he had shed last night.

He looked younger like this. Softer. And, dare I say, adorable.

I let out a soft breath, trying to ignore the way my chest tightened at the sight of him. I shouldn’t have let things get this far. I shouldn’t have let him get so close. But after last night, after seeing him break down the way he did, I couldn’t help the pull I felt toward him.

I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to protect him.

But more than that, I wanted to keep him.

That thought sent a surge of guilt through me, and I closed my eyes, trying to push it away. I couldn’t afford to be selfish. Not with Ethan. I couldn’t let my desires put him at risk. If my father ever found out how close we had become if he ever found out the truth…

I swallowed hard, my chest tightening.

I was already walking a dangerous line. My father had given me a month to recover, but I knew it wasn’t out of kindness. He was letting me rest because he needed me back at full strength. Because I was still useful to him. But the moment he felt I wasn’t…

I didn’t want to think about what would happen next.

Ethan stirred slightly, his grip on me tightening for a brief moment before he relaxed again, his body settling against mine. I felt his breath warm against my skin, the soft rise and fall of his chest steady and comforting.

I stayed still, not wanting to wake him. He needed the rest. He hadn’t slept properly in days—I could tell by the dark circles under his eyes, the tension that seemed to follow him everywhere he went.

But I knew it wasn’t just exhaustion that was weighing him down.

There was something else.

Ethan hadn’t said it outright, but I could see it in the way he looked at me, in the way he hesitated every time he reached for me. There was guilt there, lurking beneath the surface, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something.

I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know what was going on in his head, what was making him pull away and draw closer at the same time. But I couldn’t. Not yet. There was too much at stake.

And I wasn’t sure I could handle the truth.

Instead, I let the silence linger, the soft rhythm of his breathing grounding me. It felt safe here, with him. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I had to keep my guard up. I didn’t have to pretend.

And maybe that’s why I didn’t want this moment to end.

But I knew it would. Eventually, reality would come crashing back in, and we would have to face whatever was waiting for us outside these walls. My father. Lucia. The empire. The secrets.

It was all there, lurking just beneath the surface, waiting to tear us apart.

But for now, I could pretend. I could let myself be greedy, just for a little while longer. I could let myself enjoy the warmth of Ethan’s body against mine, the comfort of his presence. I could let myself believe that this was real, that we could have something more than this fleeting moment.

I turned my head slightly, breathing in the familiar scent of his skin—Vanilla and something deeper, something that was just him. It was intoxicating and calming, and I found myself leaning into it, letting the smell wrap around me like a blanket.

I wanted more of him. I wanted to feel his arms tighten around me, to hear his voice in my ear, telling me that everything was going to be okay.

But that wasn’t the life I lived. That wasn’t the world we were in.

And that’s why I had to be careful. That’s why I couldn’t let myself get too attached.

Even though I already had.

The universe would decide what happened next. I had to believe that. I had to believe that whatever was coming, we could face it together.

Because I wasn’t ready to let him go. Not yet.

---

When Ethan finally woke, it was slow, gentle. I could feel the way his body shifted against mine, the way his breath hitched for just a moment before his arms tightened around my waist.

For a second, I thought he might pull away, embarrassed by how vulnerable he had been last night. But he didn’t. Instead, he buried his face deeper into my neck, his breath warm against my skin, as if he were trying to hold on to the moment for just a little longer.

“Hey,” I whispered, my voice still thick with sleep.

Ethan didn’t respond right away. He just stayed there, pressed against me, his face hidden in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I could feel the way his body trembled slightly, the way his breath caught in his throat.

He was still scared.

“I’m okay,” I said softly, bringing a hand up to rest on the back of his head, my fingers threading through his hair. “I’m still here, Ethan.”

I felt him nod against me, but he didn’t let go. His grip on me only tightened, and I could feel the quiet tension in his body, the way he was still holding on to the fear of losing me.

“You scared me,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

I swallowed hard, my chest tightening at the raw emotion in his voice. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised him, even though I knew it wasn’t a promise I could make. Not really. Not in this world.

But right now, he needed to hear it.

Ethan finally pulled back, just enough to look at me, his eyes red and puffy from the tears he had shed the night before. His face was still flushed, his expression filled with a mixture of relief and lingering fear.

And as I looked at him, something inside me shifted.

I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t lose him.

I knew it was selfish. I knew it was dangerous. But for once in my life, I wanted something for me. I wanted Ethan. I wanted this.

But the reality of our world wouldn’t allow it.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan whispered, his voice breaking. “I… I don’t know what I would’ve done if…”

I shook my head, cutting him off. “You don’t have to apologize. None of this is your fault.”

He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes searching mine as if he were looking for something—reassurance, maybe, or forgiveness. But there was nothing to forgive. Not from him.

“I wish…” His voice trailed off, his expression filled with a kind of longing I couldn’t quite name.

I didn’t ask him what he wished for. I already knew.

He wished things were different. He wished we weren’t trapped in this world, bound by the chains of loyalty and obligation and lies. He wished we could just be us, without all the weight that came with it.

And I wished the same.

But we both knew that wasn’t possible.