QUEEN OF THE DEAD

CHAPTER 5

the sign that gets my sensitivity wet

I had a dream where I was madly in love with the Prince I was to be bethrothed. No cliché issues about our marriage; no falling in love with peasants  and movie plots that make the our engagement life interesting. My life as a Princess was simple; I am about to be crowned, and I have my bethrothed Prince beside me. 

But like any dream; I had to wake up. This time comfortable with what the layers upon layers of silk on my back. I wanted to go back to sleep because of how comfortable it is; until I realized the familiar smell of Ethyl Alcohol.

I woke up in the school clinic; still a peasant; with the Prince not even remotely bethrothed to me.

Speaking of; I see his blonde head beside my arm sleeping on the mattress while he sits beside the bed. What is Heidi doing here at... I checked the wall clock... 2:05 in the afternoon? He has classes.

"Heidi," I buried my fingers in his hair; which of course is silky and quite deep since this hair is sophisticatedly gelled up. After taking a hold of his scalp, I moderately shook him awake.

"Huh? Huuu?" Heidi looks like a toddler rubbing his eyes after getting his sleep interrupted. The rubbing made his eyes red.

I sat up. "What are you doing here. You have music lessons."

"What do you mean what am I doing here--you almost died!"

"If I almost died, I would be at the hospital and not the school clinic," I said, giving him a look. "Besides, I probably... wait, what happened again?"

"You fainted in the hallways. The football team saw you and rushed you here. They said you were hot--so I freaked out and almost smashed the fire alarm--but turns out they were talking about your slight fever. I'm still pissed."

That story actually made me laugh out loud. Something about Heidi acting all worried, then pissed, then annoyed at the miscommunication all in one sentence just amuses me.

Yet he gave me a look, something I vaguely describe to be between amused and weirded out. Or to be clearer... that look he gives me whenever I do something that seemed cute to him.

"I could be punishing you for laughing at me, but I enjoyed the view so keep going," he grinned.

I lightly sliced his neck. "Don't you talk about punishment, I owe you one because you missed an assignment from me."

"That Philosophy worksheet is crap, don't blame me for sleeping on it when you gave me that boring thing," he chuckled. Somehow, his eyes seem more halfhearted than normal.

"We should skip today's session," he says, removing his genuine smile and replacing it with a nervous, forced one.

"You're not being too lazy now, are you?"

"What do you mean, I'm hard working as all hell," he chuckled, still forced. I see his eyes going everywhere except mine. "But you're overworked and stressed out... and uhm... I think I'm bothering you too much."

Whoa, is Heidi Levough actually feeling bad for annoying me? First time.

"So... you blame yourself for bothering me too much?" I asked the mischievous Prince.

"Psh, no. Pft." He snorted fakely. "Look, Percy... I really just don't like you fainting and all that... it's dangerous, especially with the football team bringing you here... "

"What was that? " even though I heard what he said, he looked really cute while being... jealous.

This time he gave me a genuine smile, this time softer and warmer than the usual charisma he always held around him.

"You know I can't just let you get exhausted. I'm responsible for you, so it kills me to not be there when you suddenly need me."

I felt goose bumps from the soft look in his eyes. Stop making my heart hammer! Despite my lack of reactions, he laughed at my face.

"Are you blushing?"

"I'm not, it's the fever."

"Aww, I made you red!"

In my embarrassment, I pressed the pillow to his face. "I'll make you purple, Levough!"

But he resisted my attempt at suffocating his arrogant lungs, so he pushed the pillow back to me. Despite giggling and being silly, this was serious competition on who can kill who. Eventually, once Heidi stood up and used full force he pinned me back to the bed with the pillow on my chest.

I glare at him as he gave me a goofy smile of victory.

"Purple's my favorite color," he says. "I'd like it on your prom dress when we got together."

"Get off," I grunted, trying to push him and the pillow off but to no avail.

"No, I like it this way... you're so close, but not enough to headbutt me." He glances at my lips every once in a while and it made me burn even more. The cocky Levough then continued with, "You're always beautiful this close up. The only difference today is... you're awake."

"You creepy stalker!" I finally used both my knees to attack Heidi's sides until he removed himself from me.

"Ow--hey, it's not my fault you sleep during sessions! You're supposed to be on the job."

"Well, you take too long to answer the quizzes," I defend, throwing him the poor and abused pillow. How dare he watch me sleep.

It took him half a minute to laugh at my annoyance, with me glaring at him knowing that he's going to find a way to tease me. Heidi's a bully only to me. I am used to his antics, it's just that he's getting too close for comfort and it's making me feel something else other than the need to duck tape him.

I should be professional at all times. No feelings.

No feel... ing the way he looks at me. After being satisfied with my reaction, he stares at me with softness in his eyes that I can't help but admire. His genuine smile makes his visuals all the more charming. I can hear my heart now... so please stop, it's a dangerous health issue.

Before I could wrap my head around what I'm feeling, Heidi spoke while patting my closed fist.

"I know you're so independant, Percy. You don't really need me at all." His hand remained on my fist; his thumb caressing my knuckles. "But I need you to depend on me for once."

"Y-you've already done too much for me, Heidi." He did give me education on the best school in the world... And all I had to do was tutor a prodigy such as himself, which is actually unnecessary.

"Giving you a place in Carvalle was all I did," he replies, this time serious. "You staying here... was all you. And I'm not just talking about material things, Percy. I--"

My heart is going even crazier seeing him sad and serious like this. How can he even change such emotions? I'm not used to his eyebrows doing that sad expression.

"I want you to lean on me; something you haven't done for the past two years."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me stuff. What you're feeling, about your classes. Anything at all---look, I just want to be friends with you. Please stop treating me like a client."

But he is a client. "Heidi, you are my friend---"

"Then why this wall between us?" He cut me off. "Why do you only see me as your pupil? Why do you only see me as a Prince, but you look at yourself and see a peasant? Percy, if you're going to think of me as a Prince... please think of yourself as a Princess, too."

"But I'm not," I struggled to breathe in a stable manner. With him this close and with our scents mingling... it's difficult.

"I can make you one," he grinned, leaning down probably to tease me and get me to punch him in the temple as usual.

I don't want to give him the reaction he wants; even though an ice pack is nearby. I just tightly closed my eyes and my fists, hoping he would just pout and move away.

A tense ten seconds went by, and I felt something light on my lips. So light, almost nonexistent; but the soft touch was enough for my knee to fly up and hit him in the stomach.

He did move away, only muttering an "Ow."

"Don't you 'ow' me! That is r**e!"

He snorted, "Oh cool, let's take it to court, Sleeping Beauty."

I gave him a death glare; Heidi ignoring my annoyance by taking my hand like traditional courtesy. This entitled brat just stole a kiss, even if we were just 0.1 millimeters apart. But maybe I owe it to him... it's not a big deal, he has asked me for a kiss multiple times--countless.

Still, it makes my heart go wild and I'm not in the mood to breathe knowing I probably have feelings for someone I'll never have.

"Hey Percy," Heidi called out, making me awkwardly look at him. He still has this gentle smile on, much more different than his charisma-driven flirtations.

"Do you love me, now?"

Oh. That question.

"Heidi," I inhaled sharply. "I don't know."

There it is; that answer.

He is so used to those three words that it didn't bother him too much. I can still see his disappointment, but there's still a hopeful glow in his eyes.

"You know, we're Graduating this year... I kind of want to know what you plan on doing after leaving Carvalle..." He mumbled his last words, "...and basically not needing me anymore."

I put on a positive attitude and nudged him. "You know, I think I'll be coming back here after I graduate."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"I just think I will," I smiled at him, this time a genuine act of fondness.

Every time I dream; other than my Kingdom looking like a fever episode, it always has something in common. I see it being peaceful. Though it's what I see, I always hear chaos under the palace steps. I can hear hell. Under my peaceful footsteps, there is an unrecognizable sound that is anything but positive. I believe that chaos is the only thing that also exists when I wake up.

Everything is chaos.

It was a two-hour PE session. The whole year is divided into seven groups; each one with an assigned Iguana that is currently released into the whole campus. We are tasked to catch our Iguanas.

I have been considering murder for a while because despite being rich materialistic kids, these Carvalle royals are not afraid to break their own bones or others just to catch the Iguana.

Until, everyone resorted to attacking each other to avoid even getting close to the animal. Just like my team, team Violet, is sabotaging the other groups while leaving me to chase the Violet Iguana to the orchards.

I have been running for two minutes and 13 seconds. If that's not impressive, I ran downhill with a minimum accident count of 3.

"Ahh!" That's four. I looked up to see no Violet Iguana in sight. However, I heard something similar to my own scream. It was male, and I saw red.

I just witnessed Heidi Levough slide down a slope and land painfully after a few rolls. He's on the red team, so I believe he also came to catch a red Iguana. I hope he isn't like the others and true to break my leg to sabotage me.

"Heidi!" I screamed out after seeing him being the one on pain. He was clutching his knee, and his leg is dislocated. It is a steep slope--who allowed this game on PE? Why hasn't the royals sued?

I ran towards him, hugging the trees as I descended down. I ignored the premise of the game for a while to tend to Heidi.

"Arghhh..." He groaned, "I can't feel my legs..."

He's also bleeding from the cut on his knee.

"Is it broken?"

He finally opened his eyes to look at me, before glancing at his leg, covering his knee. "Uhh... no..."

"Good," I sighed in relief. "We still have to get you to the clinic. Hopefully the teacher will let us off the game."

While I took off my headband to stop his bleeding, he hissed some more. "He's really not going to--wait Perce, I'm okay--"

"We have to stop the bleeding, get your hand off."

"It's okay--!" He refused, but his eyes still look pained so I forced him to peel his hand off his knee. "Percy, I'm fine!"

I saw nothing but his untouched white knee caps with nothing but a slight smudge of dirt. Not even a bruise, contrary to what I saw earlier.

"B-but... your wound..."

"What wound? You're imagining things. It's just my legs being asleep and feet having a strain."

I refused to believe it. Was I just seeing things? "Wh-wha... wait... what?"

"See, I'm fine. No need to worry," he chuckled, his smile being interrupted by a pained expression from trying to move his legs. "...ow."

"Is it broken? Be honest---" I touched his leg and he screamed.

"OW, for the love of everything you, don't!" He playfully held his hand up to threaten me like how parents threaten to hit a misbehaving child.

"B-but we need to get you back to school, wounded or not!" I exclaimed, still in disbelief about imagining his cut earlier.

"Fine, but I'm heavy!" Still, I wrapped his arm around me and hauled him up, with the help of his other leg.

He's a lot taller than me, but I managed to prop him up. Now, he's smiling like an i***t.

"What?" I told him, seeing that proud grin as if he's not experiencing a low key broken leg.

"It's the closest I've ever been to you," he answers, suddenly squeezing me with one arm. "You're soft and squishy."

"Don't make me leave you here to die, Levough."

"You wouldn't."

I clicked my tongue. He's right, "Let's just go---"

Suddenly, the skies came falling down in the forms of heavy droplets. I shrieked in terror of our misfortune, instantly wet after 5 seconds of exposure.

"Heidi!" I yelled out, frustrated. "How are we going to go uphill now?!"

The ground is muddy and slippery; more so than before. I tried stepping up but my foot got buried in soft clay as it slipped a second later. A branch saved me from falling, as well as Heidi's safe hold.

"Gardening shed! Over there!" He yelled because of the loud rain.

Ahh great, walking a 6ft tall man along a muddy ground in heavy rain. Still, despite Heidi's right leg being a burden, I still managed to throw ourselves into the shed. We weren't showered with sky pee anymore, but we were wet and it's all kinds of cold in here.

He sat down on the tiled floor of the shed. Yes, this storage for gardening tools is tiled, cemented, painted into school colors, and even has a wax air freshener. It's Carvalle, nothing is cheap here.

Heidi sat on the tiles looking so out of breath while I am red because of how I had to endure carrying half his weight. I sat on the floor by the door in front of him.

"You know, you have the power to remove this kind of activity." I pushed my wet hair back. "This, and the merciless Flag Hunt game."

Despite being out of breath, he manages to smile at the ceiling. "Hey, it's fun. Don't tell me you don't enjoy tackling rich girls to the ground."

"I'm not a sadist like you who tackles his teammates just because you can," I remarked, half serious but also in a giggly manner. In all honesty, watching him in games sabotaging his own team just for fun is really amusing.

"I'm not into winning," he says.

"Why not? You hate losing."

"Winning doesn't matter if you're not on my team. I'd let you win any day."

I stopped breathing for a second there. Inhaling a lot of clear oxygen, I told myself it's just one of his cheesy pick up lines to get me to fall for him. I wonder if it's working, because I sure can't tell if it is. Heidi, stop.

Since I'm not answering and I had my eyes to the ground this whole time, he changed the subject.

"You know, this is the first and only time we have been truly alone together outside of school..." He says. I looked up to see his fond smile directed to the ground. "And I never... in these two years, have you told me more about yourself. I'm afraid to persist because... I don't want you to be uncomfortable... but if we're going to be friends, as we have been... shouldn't I know more about you?"

He met my eyes once, and it was my turn to avoid eye contact. I can't face him; I'm too embarrassed, too busy avoiding my feelings. If I had those, but I'm afraid of looking too long at this wet Prince that I might just slip and fall.

"Well," I sighed, deciding to finally answer him because to be honest; after everything he's done for me, answering questions is the least I could pay him back for. It isn't even the least, because a semester in Carvalle costs $165k.

"I grew up in the orphanage for as long as I can remember... up until 9 years old, when I was adopted by these childless, sibling-less couple who wants to have someone else in their life..."

The heavy rain drops muted by the walls accompany my mellow story as Heidi listens intently. I have a strangely bad feeling, mostly because I hadn't talked about my life in a very long time. It gives me heavy emotions, but I try to smile to make the story light for Heidi. After all, I'm not one to be emotional.

"They were uhm... the sweetest couple, ever... middle class, provided for me. ‘Made me move to a private school since all the money they've earned plus pension finally gets spent on me. I was... really happy with that family."

My inability to smile, and long sighs were an indication of the story that led me here. I try to keep it short and simple, since I don't want to cry in fro t of Heidi.

"They uhmm... died from a car accident. SUV got run by a sports car. They had no siblings and their parents are dead, so all that came to the funeral were friends who clearly didn't give them much importance because they lack contact with everyone." Poor Mom and Dad. They were good people but they knew how toxic their friends and colleagues are... they told me about their day all the time, and everyone was anything but good to them.

"They left all their money on me... Which only lasted me until... high school. I had to work the rest of my highs school years because of added expenses... but eventually, I went back to the orphanage because I had no one to take care of an underage Percy."

I shouldn't cry. Not in front of Heidi. But the memory of the kids making fun of a 16 year old me going back to the orphanage is too painful, not to mention I just lost two brilliant people who gave me hope on life. I lost them, I lost the life they gave me, and I lost hope.

"They... mistreated you?" Heidi guessed, putting the puzzle together since I have mentioned about kids being abusive brats before.

I nodded. "Me being the oldest, no one will actually adopt a teenager. I was left to take care of the younger kids, and they like... teasing me. They're still kids, so I understand their behavior."

"Percy, you told me about a time you slept on an old couch because they burned your bed," Heidi said angrily, scowling. He's always so sensitive about those kinds of things. It's sweet, but he doesn't need to be mad over what happened the past.

"That's why I moved out when I graduated high school. I worked so hard to get into college and working two jobs for two years. It was frustrating, but what can I do? I was born a peasant. I should work like one."

"You're not a peasant," he says, still scowling at me in disapproval. "You're my Princess."

That just made my blood rush to my cheeks, and I don't appreciate his cheesiness, though I do like how that made me smile while cringing.

"Heidi... you wouldn't understand. You're born a Levough."

"I do!" He exclaimed, pushing himself off the wall to get closer to me. When our heads were a mere one and a half feet away, he offered warmth to my hand by wrapping his own around it.

"Not in the same situation but... what you probably feel is loneliness. You've been alone most of your life... have you?"

I couldn't take my eyes away from his artificial green ones which held real emotions. I whispered, "So what if I have?"

"I get that. I know that feeling---when you're the only one experiencing that loneliness, it hurts and it's so difficult. I've been there. I've experienced being so lonely, a feeling no one else can understand. It's hard. That's why I can't leave you alone. I can't let you be lonely for one second of your life."

"What do you mean you're lonely, you're surrounded by people who admire you," I replied quite coldly, pulling my hand away.

Someone like him couldn't relate to what lower class people struggle with. He's born entitled, privileged, everything offered on a silver platter. Him being born in the Levough Family, that platter was no less than gold.

Yet something inside me felt bad the moment I pulled away from Heidi. He looked so dejected, eyes falling down along with the droplets from his hair.

"Yeah, it's true. I have both my parents, I have a sibling, I have friends... followers, a squad... I have Tori..." he sighed. "But why do I still feel empty? Even with them around..."

Seeing his hand fall limp, I truly feel like a bad person not even sympathizing with him. Rich kids feeling lonely isn't an impossible thing. But I've known Heidi for two years; he overshares his life--he has no reason to complain about it. But Perce, you're forgetting he's human. A human with a bright future in this unforgiving world. But who's to say his world isnt unforgiving either?

"You know I have this room in the Manor... so big, it has two floors," he forced out a proud smile, but it only lasted for half a second until he was frowning again. "I've had it since I was... an infant. Literally."

But his parents?

"My uhmm... Mom was... severely comatosed, while my... Father is too busy to uhm... even look at me."

I gasped at the story. An infant with no one to take care of him? Worse, his mother is in a coma?

"It's a given fact that my uhm... Mom was in a comatose because of me. No one sugarcoated it." Heidi's nose started turning pink as he held back tears and also because of the cold.

"I can only see the two of them when they travel around the house and I was playing around in the living room. M-mom says hi most of the time but... that was it. I was just surrounded by 5 people trying to take care of the Young Master." He tries to smile as he shows off, "I even had a personal shopper to buy anything and everything I want."

"Heidi..." I reach over to wipe his tears but he blocked my hand.

"No, I wasn't at all lonely. Vivian comes to take care of me but I just bully her and her friends," while laughing, he was sniffing the tears away. "They were annoying, so I spike their food with wasabi most of the times they visit. Then hiding all water and milk from the kitchen."

Finding the story funny, I can't help but chuckle along with him. The mood was still down, yet Heidi manages to keep himself from crying by showing off his life in a humorous and arrogant way.

"My parents suddenly brought a kid in... it was my brother, Keiji. They took him off an orphanage in Japan, and he was meant to be my playmate and brother. We got along most of the time... until I got into high school and he went into those rebellious phases as a teenager. Plus, he was kind of a satanic psychopath," Heidi mumbled the last part under his breath.

"But... you were close with him at some point, right?" I asked.

He snorted, "In a way Vivian and I were close. A love hate relationship. He was really attached to me and I just push him away. Kind of what you do except water guns are involved."

Then, Heidi sighed as his smile went away. "In a way, I was just a kid who had no one to relate to. No role models, none. I wasn't even allowed to watch TV because it has bad subliminal influences. I had nothing but Quantum Physics at the age of 10."

That's rough. No wonder he's such a prodigy.

"I'm sorry, Heidi." I mumbled, thankfully the rain did not mute me out. "I didn't think that'd be how you live... I'm sorry about what I said..."

"No, you're right," he says. "I can't relate to your life being in the orphanage and all. And you can't relate to me in the Manor. But Perce, that's what makes us indifferent. We're both people who didn't have anyone. We're both lonely and alone... in our own way. So I guess, we're not alone in feeling this way."

"Is that why you always cling to me?" I deadpanned.

He smiled, wiping away the tear I didn't even notice fall from his eyes. "You're just so independent, and it makes me want to depend on you. Would it kill you to depend on me, too?"

I stared at him, no definite answer from my eyes, no other emotion than fondness and acceptance. We have definitely gone closer together since we've met; and now I believe that we have no one but ourselves to relate to.

Do I love Heidi? I am in no place to admit. Do I at least not hate his presence in my life? Yeah okay, maybe. Am I going to stay with him? Definitely.

For the first time ever, I initiated contact with him without the intent of breaking a bone. I held his hand and used it to wipe his snot, smiling.

"Sob stories aside, you're not acting like a Prince at all."

Alas, Heidi went back to being an annoying brat.

"Ngh, I don't want to be a Prince unless you become my Princess..." He said, plopping his head into my lap.

"Ew, get off!" I laughed, "Just when I started warming up to you, Levough!"

"Let me stay like this... your thighs are thick and warm."

"No. Not when you say stuff like that."

"I'll buy you Takoyaki."

I lightly tapped his ears, and he gave a lazy 'ouch' in response. "Fine, only because you blackmailed me."

"Thanks, Princess Ariel."

Now where did he pull that name out from. I sat there staring at Heidi's brown roots, wondering if I'll ever see him without his hair bleached. He is a Prince. A perfectly maintained Prince of Carvalle.

But are we different? On all aspects, yes. We're polar opposites. That doesn't mean we can't be together, right? That wouldn't mean we aren't meant to run into each other, right? We found each other... and for two years, we stayed together. He sees himself in me and I see myself in him. Is that enough to know if I'm allowed to have feelings for him? Our differences, and our indifference?

I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. Like how he fixed his eye overnight two years ago, or how the cut in his knee disappeared thirty minutes ago.

But I didn't imagine that. I know I didn't, because there's Heidi's blood in my nails and that hasn't disappeared.