The Alphas Dilemma

Chapter Sixty

CHAPTER SIXTY

Gilbert pov

Today is slow, annoying and everything just seems to get on my nerves ever since I woke up. I know I said I'll get over Emory in no time but I guess my body didn't want to work with me. I got home quite late last night because I went to a club to drown myself, my shock and sorrow in alcohol but even in my drunken state, I was still remembering all that she said to me, it was killing me so bad that it hurt like hell.

I got home and tried to distract myself by having one of the s*x slaves brought to my room. I tried f*****g her so hard to get the frustration out of my system but all I kept seeing was Emory 's face. I'm f****d and I know it, I don't know what Emory did to me but now, I'm falling and drowning in hurt from her words.

Morning came and I was woken up by Sebastian for my weekly exercise and training with him. I wasn't excited like I normally was and he noticed too and asked what was wrong but all I replied with was a grunt and he let it be. He knows if I want to talk about something, I do but if I don't want to, I talk about it at my comfortable time so he doesn't force it.

It's the second time I'm missing an opening in our training and Sebastian is beginning to get worried about me, I can see it on his face "you know you can speak to me Gilbert. I don't like seeing you like this" he says as I grab my bottle and take a large gulp of water and swallow. I hate seeing myself like this too but this is the effect of Emory 's and her cruel words on me. Words that I didn't think would hurt or have this much effect on me too. They say, never underestimate whatever you have because you'll definitely miss it when you lose it.

That's exactly what happened with me and Emory . I can't believe I'll ever say this one day but I miss her badly and I doubt she even feels the same way about me.

I turn to Sebastian where he's standing beside me and watching me closely "it's nothing Sebastian , let it go" I tell him but he only comes closer "you can't train in this state, at least let me know what's wrong so I'll know how to help" he urges me but I shake my head and stand straight then face him, my hands on my waist. "Let's do this, I'm fine okay" I insist and move back to the ring for us to resume our training. I turn back to look at him and catch him shaking his head as he comes forth to join me in the ring.

Few punches later, I'm on the floor writhing in pain. I think I've broken a rib and my right eye hurts, I might get a black eye. With all these, I still have more pain in my chest… it's still not helping. The punches, the hits, the blows… they all can't subside the pain and restlessness I feel inside me. Sometimes I forget she said we were done and would want to call her but then I'd remember when I'm about to dial her number and drop the attempt before I'll regret it. I've already had enough regrets from Emory already and they hurt more than a f*****g punch. I used to call Sebastian a p***y when Ruby left him but now I get how it feels, the piercing in your heart that makes you think you won't be able to breathe without that particular person around you anymore.

I'm still on the floor in pain, externally and internally and deep in thoughts when towers over me as he stretches an arm "come on" he says with a smile and urges me to take his hand. I stare at him for a long time before taking the hand he offered and he helps me up to my feet. I walk to the table where I kept my bag and take my towel out to dry up after my shower but I can't concentrate on anything I do; Emory 's words jeep echoing in my head and the rage and satisfaction in her eyes when she said this words to me are all I see in my vision. It's like all my sense of reasoning has been suspended and all that's playing on repeat in my head are Emory 's words and they hurt everytime it starts over again.

"God damnit!" I yell and punch my bag as I can't contain the frustration screaming in me. I punch it over and over and over again until I create a hole in it and I'm hitting the table instead. My knuckles are scraping and getting injured with blood seeping from each but I don't feel it because what I'm feeling inside is way worse. I actually enjoy the pain that shoots into my hands from the wounds I've gotten on my knuckles. I'm still hitting the table nonstop when Sebastian pulls me away from it and tries to calm me down as I try to free myself from his tight grip on me.

I can't hear anything except the ringing in my head as my hurt is transforming into anger but soon I begin to hear Sebastian 's voice as he tries to calm me down. He ends up letting me go when I stop struggling

"Dude what was that?" He asks with wide eyes, still in shock from what I displayed earlier "it's nothing" I say as I move to get my bag and leave, changing my plans about taking a shower at the gym. Sebastian holds me back and stands in my front "something is obviously wrong Gilbert, spill it or I'll force it out of you" he says but I ignore him and he pushes me back with a stern look on his face "you're not leaving unless you tell me what's going on" he tells me again and I roll my eyes

"Emory dumped me or whatever okay" I yell at him when I see he won't let me go and his eyes go wider… just the reaction I expected.

"You guys were a thing? I thought she was just your f**k buddy" he tells me and I shrug "I thought so too until yesterday when she said we were done and I found myself like this" I reply and Sebastian shakes his head while staring at me deeply "you love her?" He asks and I shake my head while sitting on the gym floor and he follows suit

"I honestly don't know what I feel for her, it's so confusing"

"You definitely feel something for her Gilbert or else you won't be this f****d over her dumping you or whatever you call it" he tells me and silence follows, allowing his words to sink into me. I feel something for her? I highly doubt it, I don't have the ability to love anyone else apart from myself and I know that.

It has to be the hurtful words she said to me that's making me this way, it has to be. "She said some really painful s**t to me man, it has to be the reason it hurts this much" I tell him but he shakes his head

"Her words only hurt you because you care about her, you care about her a lot Gilbert and that's the reason why you care about what she said to you and it's hurting you deep inside. You won't even let it get to you if it was from someone you don't give two shits about" he tells me and I laugh

"Like Jenny" I chip in and he joins me to laugh, as we laugh harder at my joke.

I feel lighter and my heavy thoughts have lessened in weight a bit. I stand up from the floor and put all my belongings into my bag that now has a hole "Thanks man, that talk really helped me, I feel better." I tell Sebastian and he smiles at me as he stands up to meet my gaze, his face now serious.

"Don't take my words if you want Gilbert, the choice is yours to make but I don't think or believe Emory is someone you should let go. You have to look within yourself first and figure out what exactly you feel for her and then you'll know the position she's taken in your life. That would help you with the hurt you feel right now, you won't let it eat you up okay" he says and and grabs his bag then walks away before I can say anything back.

His words keep resounding in my head and I can't help but wonder what exactly Emory Infantino is to me, what is she to me in my life? Why do I feel so hurt and angry because she said a couple harsh words to me and told me we were done? Do there have to be a reason for why I'm feeling this way? Or do I have to put a title on what exactly I'm feeling for her? That isn't necessary is it? Or do I really have to delve into my mind to figure out what exactly it is I feel for her? I can't help but think a million thoughts as I pack my things into my bag and make my way to my car, driving off to my place.

I get to my room and just throw the bag aside, not caring where it lands and make my way to my bathroom to take a bath.

I stand under the shower and stare in the mirror as the water gushes down my face and some get into my eyes.

The memory of seeing Emory kissing Alessandro suddenly hits me and I groan in anger… How could she? How she comfortably kissed him when she knew how they're related. Anger begins to build up inside me again but I struggle to push it back before I'll do something destructive.

Once I'm done with my bath, I step out of the bathroom and clean myself up then dress up and take my first aid kit to treat my knuckles. They hurt so bad but it feels better than what I feel inside. I finish up and wear my suit, ready for the office and hoping it would distract me from all these thoughts that want to mess my head up today.

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Evening comes quickly and it's time to retire home again. I sigh as I tidy my desk and head for my car. Sebastian shows up from the shadows giving me a scare but I soon recover myself as he approaches me.

"Hey, how're you doing?" He asks me and I just shrug while opening the passenger's door of my car to drop my bag. "I'm coping" I tell and he nods in understanding while staring at me "let's go for a ride" he suddenly says, his eyes still on my car

"A race?" I ask surprised and he looks at me, his eyes gleaming like he's challenging me "yeah, a race… it'll be fun, trust me" he says and smiles. I quickly agree and he heads for his car that's parked at the other side.

The race starts and in no time, I'm at the edge of the pack before Sebastian . The euphoric feeling is nice and I don't want it to end, he soon arrives and i step down from my car to meet up with him at his car "that was crazy man" I say giving him a high five and we laugh as he brings a bottle of vodka from his booth and we sit on the hood of his car, drinking while staring at the stars in the sky.

"I'm hurting too Gilbert, I miss Rubybut I've learnt to live with the pain because I know I broke her and made her choose to leave" he tells me and I suddenly realize I'm not alone, Sebastian understands how I feel and he's trying to make me feel better. I feel lucky to have him as my best friend and beta.